Three Sure Fire Ways to Reframe Your Self-Talk 

The self-talk in my head gets unruly some days, like a boisterous bully in a mental playground.

My confession?

I can catastrophize like a pro and cut myself down far faster than I let on. I distract myself with worry over things that are usually non-issues, rationalize my reluctance, argue with my assumptions–and often keep it all tucked far out of sight. Not helpful at all.

Since we’re talking about self-talk today, I’ll have you know, I don’t have this figured out. I’m just a girl learning to see the value of soul-baring honesty before God, walking it out one baby step at a time. After all, I recently ran a half-marathon because I needed a hardcore mental reset. 

I understand the complicated relationship we have with ourselves. The way our thoughts sway our mood, even when we indict said notions as irrational or untrue. The way we tangle with the version of ourselves we keep hidden in our minds.

But it’s got me thinking. 

Maybe if we shared the things that make us feel trapped with another gentle soul, our angsty worries wouldn’t hold water. Maybe the lies would combust if they caught light. Maybe we couldn’t self-fulfill our negative assumptions if we opened up about struggle.

Lo-Fi Music & Our Own Transparency

Lately, I’m loving all the low-fi music. I’m drawn to the realness of the little noises. The transparency about what gets canceled from a clean-cut song. The soothing mix of soft music and background noise.

It reminds me of a line my pastor, Kyle Waid, says often: “The goal of the Christian life isn’t to be perfect, but to have nothing to hide.”

No hidden motives.

No unconfessed sin.

No self-bettering white lies.

No root of anything that causes us to stray from the ways and will and worship of God.

That includes the hyper-critical self-talk we give undue liberty inside our heads.

Can we go there–to the root of our unruly inner dialogues–so we can find peace and strength and mental relief? That’s my invitation to you today. 

Our inner thoughts have had too much say for too long. They keep us in the shadows, thinking small. They sabotage our friendships and our focus. Cloud out the voice of God so we think we’re on our own.

Where do we start? Here, with five easy-to-implement practices to keep our self-talk in check. 

1–Invite the light.

Earlier this week, I was stopped by a verse that equated God with light. When I think of light, I tend to picture an aesthetic string of white lights, an awe-inviting sunrise, or the sound-enhanced dance of a flickering wood wick candle. But light isn’t always tame. 

The way Timothy talks in his New Testament letter, God is “matchless, blinding, brilliant light” (1 Tim. 6:16 TV). We cannot view God’s unveiled glory. Full strength, it’s simply too much for our mortal bodies.

Although this side of heaven, we see God in part (1 Cor. 13:9), the closer we are to Him, the more clearly we see ourselves. An accurate view of our inner thoughts helps us halt the cycle of frustration, discouragement, and defeat. Our true worth in the eyes of God can get lost in the onslaught of vicious self-talk.

To invite the light is to take a step towards God. Maybe, for you today, it looks like adopting David’s prayer:

Explore me, O God, and know the real me. Dig deeply and discover who I am.

    Put me to the test and watch how I handle the strain.

Examine me to see if there is an evil bone in me,

    and guide me down Your path forever.

Psalm 139:23-24, The Voice

2–Change the soundtrack.

We tell our teens that their minds are impressionable, but the same truth is key to quieting unhealthy self-talk. Thoughts are sticky. What fills our minds through music, movies, and personal device monitors hangs around long after we move on.

I’ll never forget the mission trip teammate who brought paper and pens halfway across the world because she knew Bible verses on our wall would get stuck in our hearts before the summer was over. As one who struggled to memorize verses, this effortless way to tuck truth into my heart (Psalm 119:11) was life-changing. When I returned home from that trip, I took an old calendar, wrote memory verses in thick, permanent marker on top of the pages, and duct-taped them to my wall. (My walls were wood paneling, by the way. I don’t recommend duct-tape for painted walls.)

I’ve wasted a lot of effort trying to correct my self-talk. Perhaps you have as well. But the easier way to reframe the way we talk to ourselves is to change the soundtrack.

This can be visual, like putting God’s word in highly visible places. It can also be literal, as in turning on praise and worship music. Infusing your mind with lines you do want to dwell on. My favorite way to take agency over what repeats inside my head is to leave a worship on repeat until my soul knows the lyrics.

3–Seek out self-talk stoppers.

Sometimes you need someone else to stop you when your self-talk is pocked with lies. 

Lies about how much God cares about you. 

Lies about how fully He sees you. 

Lies about how others see you.

Lies about how which opinions matter.

Lies about the future. 

Lies about right now.

Lies that keep you doubting God.

Lies that set you on the wrong trajectory.

Lies that burrow deep into your DNA.

Lies that amplify the overwhelm.

Lies that pressure you to fix what only God can mend.

Lies that keep God’s deep work in you out of sight.

A self-talk stopper is a friend you trust to listen to Holy Spirit nudges. One with Biblically grounded wisdom and a track record of discernment. She’s the sort of person who is transparent about her own self-talk struggles and comes alongside you as she reaches for Christ.

It might be that you already have a friend like this, you just don’t know it yet. Or maybe it’s a friendship God is still preparing you for.

Ask in faith for God to connect you with a self-talk stopper. But also acknowledge your role. This type of accountability relationship works best when it’s mutual. Lean into your own growth by inviting the light and changing the soundtrack of your mind. At the same time, take baby steps into openness with friends you’re growing to trust. Offer a glimpse of the wrestle and the way God is walking with you through it. Your brave admission might plant a seed for the friendship you’re seeking.

A Prayer to Reframe Your Self-Talk

Can we pray together as we close?

Jesus, we need Your help to change the language inside our heads. Illuminate our faulty thinking and fill us with Your truth. When our minds stray, pull us in closer. 

May Your words grow deep roots in our souls. 

May we find a self-talk stopper to point us back to You.

In Your name, Lord, we pray. Amen.

Just a friend over here in your corner,

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What if you gave your faith the chance to ripple right into your neighborhood? These quick tips provide a wide variety of baby steps to help you begin to build friendships with your neighbors. When we get close to God and let others get close to us, the things God is working out in us can show.

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