It has been almost two decades now, and the Lord is still showing me how His “grace is sufficient” every day (2 Cor. 12:9). Moving from the initial physical pain, through the emotional wrestling and bitterness, out the other side to His sufficient daily grace has been anything but easy or predictable. 

When God says “no” to taking away chronic pain

Eighteen years later, we jokingly say that my last child pulled everything out with him when he was born. 

Trying to juggle the other children, the unrelenting pelvic pain from the prolapse, and the newborn was more than I could handle most days. And I am forever grateful for my husband and for my parents’ daily help during that season. 

A referral to a new specialist brought me to my surgeon. Still breastfeeding my 5-month-old, I underwent a hysterectomy and repair surgery. The actual surgery was botched and, after the second surgery to repair the damage from the first one, my surgeon disappeared. He literally left the practice and was nowhere to be found.

My husband and I faced many new challenges and unknowns during this season. I ended up having another surgery a year later with a different highly skilled surgeon. That surgery improved things enough for us to adjust, but barely. Any marital intimacy continued to be painful as I was still in consistent pelvic floor pain. We were told that there wasn’t anything more that could be done that would not likely cause more damage or pain in my pelvic floor.

Chronic pain has been a daily part of my life ever since. Studying 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 brought me peace that nothing else had. Like Paul in this scripture had asked for the thorn in his flesh to be removed, we had prayed for healing and begged God to change things. And also like Paul, each time we asked, I distinctly felt the Lord say “no.” He reminded me that His grace is sufficient for us.

God’s All-Sufficient Grace

After many years of walking this out daily, a dear counselor challenged me. Could I give thanks to God for this failed surgery and all its struggles?. I assured him that I was fine. But when I went home and sat with the Lord in prayer, I realized that I was still struggling and couldn’t “thank God for this trial.” So, I prayed and fasted and sat with the Lord daily for a week. 

My heart was continually brought back to His words of truth. I meditated on 

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

– Philippians 4:4-8 (NASB)

and 

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

– 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NASB)

and 

Because of the extraordinary greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in difficulties, in behalf of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

– 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NASB)

In the end I could say, “Thank you, Lord, for all of these things that You have brought me through and continue to bring me through, for they draw me to You.” 

While there ARE days that His grace doesn’t feel so sufficient–when the pain levels are high or I cannot do the things that I want to–I haven’t failed to wake up each and every next day. He has given me enough strength and peace to accomplish what He has for me each day.

I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I have known that I will carry this pain until I wake up in His presence. Knowing that He is carrying me and has good plans for me is more than enough grace to continue to guide and carry me through this day.

Are you struggling with chronic pain or illness? The Lord is still holding you in His tender hands. Today may indeed be hard, and I will gladly sit with you in your suffering and lift you to Jesus. Can you offer thanksgiving for the struggles that He continues to allow in your life? Be encouraged that His grace is more than enough and will never run out. How can I pray for you today?

Meet Tiffani Graves

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.