Shay S. Mason for Begin Within Gratitude Series: When I think back to those years, I realize God used my weakness to show me His strength.

Twenty-two years ago I lost the use of my arms. Doctors couldn’t explain my sudden weakness, and I was scared. Simple day-to-day tasks became impossible. My hands would inexplicably drop my water bottle. Casserole dishes crashed to the floor. One doctor told me I shouldn’t be lifting anything heavier than a fork. How was I supposed to care for an eight-month-old and a two-year-old?

During that time, I turned to scripture for encouragement. One of my favorite verses is “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks” (Proverbs 31:17). It seemed appropriate, so I spoke the words over myself, willing it to be true. But there was a problem; it wasn’t true in my situation. Nothing I did seemed to change my hard reality, and I grew more and more ashamed of my weakness.

Shay S. Mason for Begin Within Gratitude Series: Nothing I did seemed to change my hard reality, and I grew more and more ashamed of my weakness.

Surrendering My Weakness

I look back now and see that my intentions were good. I wanted to care for my children. I wanted to be a “good” mom. But admitting my weakness felt like failure. Even while clinging to scripture, I was trying to fix myself. I believed I had to keep fighting, but what God really wanted was my surrender. More than anything, God wanted me to trust Him for all the things that seemed impossible.

Day-by-day, I had no choice but to rely on God’s comfort and mercy. He met me through the smiles of my children, the patient care of my husband, and revelation through His word. I remember one moment when He highlighted the beginning of Joshua 4, in which the Israelites, following 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, had finally entered the promised land. Here, God instructed Joshua to choose 12 men to build a memorial:

Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.
Joshua 1:5-7

Remembering God’s Faithfulness

Suddenly, I knew God was telling me to hold tight to the miracles and blessings He had already granted in my life. With this in mind, I searched for a piece of jewelry with twelve stones so that when I began to doubt God’s goodness and promises in my life, I could physically touch something to remind me of His faithfulness. He led me to a beautiful silver pendant with twelve different stones representing Aaron’s breastplate as depicted in Exodus 28. It became a constant reminder that God had not, and would not ever, abandon me.

Shay S. Mason for Begin Within Gratitude Series: It became a constant reminder that God had not, and would not ever, abandon me.

Eventually, a diagnosis led to medication and physical therapy. I slowly began to regain my strength, but it was not an easy journey. When I think back to those years, I realize God used my weakness to show me His strength. Being forced by my physical circumstances into a position of helpless surrender was a gift that brought me closer to God’s heart. In weakness, I learned that He is powerful. In surrender, I learned that He carries my burdens. In remembrance and gratitude I learned that even when life is hard, He is still good. This shift in perspective has grown me in ways I could not have imagined, and for that I will always be thankful.

Meet Shay S. Mason

Shay S. Mason is a Chicago-area native living in North Carolina. An autoimmune disease and OCD/anxiety overcomer, she is a firm believer in God’s healing love. Her particular passion is helping people go deeper into God’s heart. In addition to writing, Shay loves travel, music, coffee, quirky indie films, hiking, and the Chicago Cubs.

Shay and her husband Bruce, an Anglican pastor, are the founders of Love Inside Out, Inc. in Raleigh and co-hosts of the What If We Loved? podcast. They have two college-aged kids and a spoiled Goldendoodle. Shay’s first book Rest for the Weary: Finding Freedom from Fear in the Heart of the Father is available at Amazon. For more information or to contact Shay, please visit her website, The Spacious Place, at www.shaysmason.com.

Where to find her . . .

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.