Isn’t Missional Living Supposed to Be Easier Than This?

Sometimes it feels like you’re not doing it right. You see how you’ve opened up a little, met a new neighbor or two, but also how the relationships you want to grow have plateaued. People are busy. You’re busy. And there’s this nagging disconnect between the life of generous, Holy Spirit overflow and the life you’re actually living.

Isn’t it supposed to be easier than this?

Friend, I hear you. To be honest, I’ve asked this question too.

Sometimes you sow the seeds and it seems like you’ll never see any growth. Sometimes it feels like you should have made a bigger difference by now. Sometimes you doubt you have what it takes.

Can we talk about it?

Let’s talk about how we’ve been trying, and perhaps it’s been a little too much of us trying and too little of us trusting that God does the work of growing when we’re faithful in the planting.

Let’s talk about how what we do doesn’t define us, and how our results don’t either.

Then, if you’re willing, let’s talk about expectations. Because, let’s face it, there are things you expected to happen differently than they have. Relationships you expected to grow deeper faster. Margin you wanted to carve into your calendar but haven’t exactly made space for yet.

You’ve made efforts to reach out and invite that weren’t reciprocated. There have also been invitations that stayed stuck in your head, unspoken ideas.

You’ve made excuses. Too many excuses.

You’ve been misunderstood. You’ve responded in haste. You’ve gotten it backwards.

In short, you’ve been disappointed; and when we’re disappointed, we look for someone to blame.

Blaming ourselves

Sometimes we blame ourselves, pointing a finger at our own lack. We see where we messed up. Where we failed or let someone down. How we could have, would have, should have done more.

But shoulds always back us into a corner. They belittle us. They call us names like Failure, Disappointment, and Mistake. They fill our heads with lies about who we are and whether we matter.

And when we don’t think we matter, we really can’t treat the people around us—our families, neighbors, co-workers, and classmates—like they matter.

Blaming others

That long finger of blame, though, sometimes swivels to them. The ones who’ve hurt us. The ones who haven’t responded when we’ve invited. The ones who’ve stood us up or called us out and we’re over trying to be friends.

Expectations sometimes paint an unrealistic picture, and it’s hard to settle the discrepancy, so we look for an out. But blaming someone else when missional living feels hard just serves to harden our hearts towards those we seek to love.

Blaming God

Instead of blaming ourselves or our neighbors, we might point our finger at God, asking Why aren’t You making a way if you called me to this?

We expected His blessing. We expected fruit. We expected growth.

But sometimes growth looks a little different than we expect. Sometimes growth just isn’t visible yet so it’s easy to miss.

Jennifer Dukes Lee says it this way in Growing Slow: “If you saw your progress the way God does, you’d never doubt for a moment that you’re making a difference” (p. 64).

Embracing what is when you think it’s supposed to be easier

Missional living is going to be messy. Some days you’ll wonder why it’s not easier. Sometimes you will wonder if it matters and if you’re actually making a difference. At times you’ll find it hard to find grace for yourself. There will be days you’ll feel let down, disappointed, or annoyed.

Learn to expect both the good and the mess. God’s there with you in both.

Jennie Allen spells it out like this in Find Your People: “People disappoint us. You disappoint people. But God never disappoints us.”

Missional living is a ripple-effect way of living that often looks as messy as the path you walk when you’re at Target. It is not a straight road, but it’s a worthwhile journey. And friend, even on the days it feels like everything you’re planting in your neighborhood is not growing, you are not alone.

God is not disappointed with you.

God will never let you down.

God is here in the mess of learning and starting over and showing up even when it looks like it doesn’t matter.

You won’t always get it right, but you can always try again. And humility will guide you well.

Humility helps us own our part and trust God to meet us in our lack and use us in the midst of our weakness. Humility helps us not take ourselves too seriously and not be easily offended. Humility reminds us that instead of finger-pointing when our expectations let us down, we can live like arrows pointing to Jesus.

Instead of blaming ourselves, we can say the needed apologies and invite God to help us love better.

Instead of blaming others, we can choose to notice, listen, and love with compassion and genuine interest.

Instead of blaming God, we can trust that He is growing good things even when it doesn’t look how we thought it would.

What if, instead of walking in shame and blame when we’re disappointed, we snuggled in close and had a heart-to-heart with God? What if we named the ways we’ve been hurt or disappointed?

And then, what if we released our expectations to God? What if we let Him hold them instead and just leaned into loving the right-in-front-of-us people in the middle of our everyday living?

A prayer for the one thinking it’s supposed to be easier than this

Here’s my prayer for you:

Lord, I pray for the one blaming herself for failed relationships. She thinks it’s her fault, and she’s struggling to find kind words for herself. Show her that You can use her weakness for Your glory.

I pray for the one quick to find someone to blame. She’s feeling hurt, and Lord, You know what to do with all of our hurts. Shower her with Your love and compassion, and pick her back up again. Fill her with the same love and compassion for those around her that You freely give to her.

I pray, too, for the one asking if she can trust You and if Your heart towards her is really good. Open her eyes to see the way You see her and her ears to hear how You talk about her.

I pray that each of us will find the courage to let go of our expectations and instead join You in the places all around us You are already doing Your deep work.

Amen.

May you be brave with Him,

P.S. Tune in to hear a conversation about this topic! Twyla joined Caesar Kalinowski on the Everyday Discipleship podcast to talk through this post.

Change your actual life in less than 5 minutes per day!

You can change your actual life in less than 5 minutes a day because baby steps truly can change the trajectory of your life. If you want 2021 to be the year you actually start living on mission in your neighborhood, this little book (available as a paperback and on Kindle) will help you get there. Each of the 30-day devotions takes but a few minutes to read, but they will lead to lasting life change.

Wish you knew your IRL (in-real-life) neighbors?