What You Need to Know about Rose of Sharon + Self-Talk

I read Song of Solomon 2:1 (“I am a rose of Sharon . . .”) and remember pulling hundreds of Rose of Sharon seedlings in the spring. They look like an army of twigs laughing at the sky. Not innocent, you realize in year two when they’re already two feet tall and rain-softened earth won’t release the roots. So you squeeze your hands through squares of double-layer fence to pull them young because now you know what happens.

What is Rose of Sharon?

Living in an actual arboretum will teach you a few things. First, that you’re not a gardener. Second, that some things need planted, but others contained. Like trumpet vines climbing the fence. Lovely but invasive ground covers. And Rose of Sharon, which is more weed than flowering tree. Pull it by its roots, and if you leave the smallest piece behind, shoots will grow from the roots. Word of advice: do not plant it!

When the Shulamite woman in Song of Solomon describes herself as “a rose of Sharon,” then “a lily found in one of the valleys,” she’s saying she’s nothing special. Ordinary. Overlooked. Maybe even annoying. Perhaps her self-critical tone sounds a little like the voice in your head.

But God. He says to each of us, I see you. You’re insanely special to Me. You stand out “like a lily among thorns” (v. 2). I can’t stop thinking about you.

Self-Talk, Self-Criticism, and Self-Worth

Of course, Song of Solomon would be on the reading plan for Mary Demuth’s 90 Day Bible Reading Challenge on a day I need the reminder. I touch the pendant hanging from my neck—a gift from a friend, hand-stamped with my word of the year, reflect. The Shulamite’s self-worth struggle is familiar, and the reason for this particular word.

When I say reflect, you might think self-reflection, journaling, musing. But I see a mirror and remember how we’re to be a clear picture of Christ, a reflection of Him.

Our self-dismissal mars the image. Says what God calls good is something less. That we know ourselves better than He does.

We mislabel it as personality or humility, but self at the center always equals pride. Whether we’re self-inflating or self-criticizing, we show our own brokenness instead of His redeeming righteousness when we turn our gaze inward.

Humility isn’t highlighting what you’re not but who God is.

Not deflecting the conversation but pointing the praise back to Him.

Since adopting reflect as my word of the year, I more readily pause. In the lull, I note the familiar self-talk, then invite God to speak instead. Remind me how I’m His, so He should be what others see, though it has nothing to do with me and is forever because of what He’s done.

Brave Enough to Be Honest

The other day my ten-year-old mentioned that she’d rather not be thanked. First thought: girl, I get it. And then, this question I’ve been wrestling with since. Am I teaching her that it’s better to wiggle away from the attention or pretend you don’t hear it because it feels awkward and you never know what to say? Is my own struggle giving her the wrong kind of permission? To deflect the praise rather than pointing it back to Jesus?

This is why it’s so important to get honest about our struggles. Because if we don’t, others might make our wrong response the goal. We might mislead unintentionally by avoiding vulnerability.

Discipleship—both within and beyond our homes—doesn’t look like having all the answers. Being perfectly disciplined. Or always right.

It’s about being humble enough to admit what we don’t know, what God’s still working out in us, what we’re trading for truth. It’s confessing first. Committing to action and accountability. Getting honest with Jesus and letting others overhear your conversations.

Yes, it’s brave, but so are you.

You’ve got your own word of the year and excited-scared feeling that it’s gonna be good and hard. Growth and pruning. And you want that.

You’re willing to be a little uncomfortable so God can do His best work in you.

Ask bold questions.

Stay in the both/ands.

Try again. Face what hurts. Trust and release.

Be soft-hearted in hard seasons.

Raise hallelujah hands.

Pray on your knees.

Practice so you get better.

You’re willing to be seen as real before perfect, growing before golden.

Do you know how proud you make God?

Commissioned to Disciple

What if the word He whispered to your heart is not only for you? Could it be a story you share while it’s unfolding?

The promise.

His with-ness.

Your surrender.

His embrace.

The chiseling.

Refining.

Becoming.

You’ll never know who needs your story if you keep it tucked away. Maybe someone who gets the tensions you’re walking. Who needs to know the growth is hard and also worth it.

As you lean into your word of the year, please know I’m praying for you. I also want to offer a tool to help you sort through what you’re feeling, praying, holding. It’s six reflection questions I recommend using as a monthly word-of-the-year check-in.

✔️ One thing I learned about my word:

✔️ One way it grew me:

✔️ One way I didn’t let it:

✔️ One thing I want to remember:

✔️ One thing I need to let go:

✔️ One thing I’m praying right now:

Write your answers in a journal, a Google Doc, the Notes app on your phone. Or, if you’d prefer the printable sheet, you can grab it (free) here:

Friend, whatever words you’ve been labeling yourself, I pray God would replace them with truth. I pray He would reach tenderly into wounded places you’re hesitant to give Him access. I pray He would wrap you tight in His embrace as you learn to walk in grace and brave surrender. I pray you would lean hard into your word of the year and that it would mark a new season of rich connection with God and flourishing relationships with the people in your life. I pray God would stir new things, heal old things, and redeem broken things.

Just a friend over here in your corner,

---

Missional Neighboring 101

This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Download your FREE sneak peek today! Also, get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors.

P.S. Did you know that The Uncommon Normal is also available as a podcast? Tune in to Apple Podcasts or Spotify to listen!