“A happy heart is a thankful heart” made our top five family values when our kids were three, six, and eight. Thank you, Madame Blueberry. Thanksgiving signs with Halloween candy on poster boards lined our walls and shaped our hearts from November 1st to Thanksgiving Day. Take a piece of candy each day and leave one thing you are thankful for each day. Only one rule: no repeats! 

Amid candy wrappers and these little years, my husband graduated with a Doctorate of Ministry. His thesis was: “The Grateful Remembrance of God’s Goodness amidst the Stress of Parenting Young Children.” His audience erupted with loud cheers as they related to the stress part of raising littles! 

Leukemia: A Life-Shattering Grief

Gratitude matters to me. It has mattered to me, my husband, and to my family for many years. Our children are now 15, 18, and 20, and on January 14th, 2026, gratitude showed up on our doorstep in a way we never expected. In a matter of hours, I went from being a healthy wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, therapist, and daughter of God to being diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). Cancer was in over 90% of my bone marrow. I spent the next 24 days at the Blood and Cancer Institute in Denver fighting for my life with chemo and prayer. 

My 14-year-old daughter looked me in the eyes, put each of her hands on each of my hands, and said, “Mom, I need you.” My analytically-minded 17-year-old son heard my odds—75% chance I live, 25% chance I die—and plainly stated, “Those are not good odds.” My husband stood by my side and our kids’ sides faithfully with steadiness and love right from the start. My parents, sister, brother, and friends showed up in droves. How does gratitude stay alive in life-shattering grief? 

Food chains were made, school drop offs and pick-ups were covered, money for bills showed up, friends stayed overnight in the hospital with me, and strangers in the face of nurses cared for me in the wee hours of the morning. My friends and I collaborated in planning and celebrating a grand 50th birthday party, including a prayer retreat, a high tea, a balloon arch, and a printed book filled with pictures of people and messages of love. God’s Spirit comforted me as I listened to my favorite song “By the Grace of God.” It told my heart “God carries me high up on his shoulders,” even through this time of grief. I was a little girl, and my Daddy carried me day after day. 

Gratitude and Grief Interlace

Gratitude swelled. Thanksgiving grew bigger and louder than fear, or suffering, or even sorrow. Gratitude met me in my grief. 

I was loved. My family was loved. I had medical care and the money to pay for it. God was with me always, even the nights I barely slept because my brain and body were buzzing with steroids. 

My heart and body were surrounded by this love through thousands of prayers. Tender company. Encouraging messages. My faithful husband. Childhood and adult friends. Strangers.

Gratitude soared because in the darkest days love saw me and laid down its life in hundreds of voices and faces and hands. Gratitude rose in my grief. 

As young adults, gratitude mattered, and we dedicated ourselves to it. Another practice that mattered to us and wove its way through our young adult years was grief. When grief landed in our home, we made room for it, too. We learned, practiced, and taught lament for over two decades. We believed the early church father, John Cassian, who calls us to be ambidextrous, holding gratitude in one hand and grief in the other. When another round of darkness descended and gratitude could easily be snuffed out, we held tightly. 

Cancer was new, but choosing to walk with God through lament was not. Light came in through the miracles small and big, eventually including complete remission. Gratitude came naturally as a response to God’s faithful presence in pain. 

There are 1.5 years of treatment still ahead and 4+ years of the window when leukemia is most likely to return. I daily live as a person aware how unsure I am of my time on this earth. Honestly, as life returns to normal, the stress of everyday life swoops in quickly and tempts me to forget the gift of being alive. Then a gentle reminder of my cancer journey surfaces. I remember I am grateful to be alive on this day. 

Meet Leigh Ann Looyenga

Where to find her . . .

• Counseling
• Instagram

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.