How to Keep Looking For Gratitude When There’s Not an Easy Fix
“Where is my hairbrush?” my nine-year-old daughter calls out from the bathroom. It’s a school morning, and, like always, we’re crunched for time.
“I’m not sure,” I holler back from my post at the kitchen island where I hurriedly make sandwiches for four lunches. “Look on top of my dresser. Check the coffee table. Just keep looking!” I hear a sigh and footsteps as she shuffles away to resume her search. She’d hoped for an easy fix.
It’s one thing if you’re frantically searching for your hairbrush on a weekday morning, but it’s an even greater struggle when life’s challenges loom larger.
Three years ago, Rob, my husband and my children’s father, died in a tragic hiking accident. As our family adjusted to life without him, we have spent many a day shuffling around looking for the life we once loved. We’ve cried out “Where’s the joy?” and “What happened to our good life?” We’ve hunted in the rubble and mess of loss for that one precious thing that can’t be retrieved—him. While we received support and care in abundance since our loss, many days, I’ll admit, it has been hard to find gratitude at all.
When it comes to gratitude, I, too, often hope for an easy fix—even when life feels hard. I expect that God will open my eyes to his dramatic provisions in my life. I plan on vibrant praise, but my words fall short when life still feels like a daily slog and sadness lingers.
While God sometimes brings dramatic revelations of his goodness, I’ve found in my life with grief that, more often than not, gratitude comes in small spaces and places. Like my daughter’s hairbrush, it requires some hunting down. Gratitude is always available though not always initially visible. If I’m going to live authentically, carrying joy and sorrow in the same hand, I’ll need to acknowledge this truth. On days when life feels hard, I’ll need to take the advice I hollered to my daughter: “Just keep looking.”
Consider these three ways you might keep looking for gratitude when life makes it hard to find.
How to “keep looking”
1. Start Small.
It goes without saying that some days are pretty hard. They’re filled with big pain and sadness that casts a shadow over everything. When gratitude feels impossible in the face of challenges, simply start small. Take a deep breath. Hold it a moment to feel it, and whisper “thank you” as you gently exhale. Note the color of the sky, a tree on your street, or the taste of your coffee as it wakes you up. All of these are gifts from God, no less important because of their smallness.
2. Rinse and Repeat.
We often think that gratitude offered in repetition becomes less valuable, but in God’s economy nothing could be further from the truth! If you’re struggling to find gratefulness in a season of lack, repeat Scripture’s words of gratitude over your heart. Read or speak aloud verses like Psalm 34:1 or 1 Chronicles 16:34—even if you struggle to believe them! Rehearsing God’s truths to our hearts helps to bury them deep inside of us, planting seeds of gratitude that will one day blossom and flourish.
3. Act Now.
While a spirit of gratitude is great, gratitude with legs is even better. When gratefulness seems elusive, there’s often no better way to find it than to step out and serve. Texting a friend, paying it forward in the Starbucks line—your acts of kindness don’t need to be big to do work on your own heart. Let others’ response of gratitude buoy your own. Even when life feels hard, we can find something to be grateful for when we extend our hearts in compassion toward others.
Even when we do these things, gratitude may feel like a scarce commodity. Life is hard, the world is broken, and bad things happen all around us. Nevertheless, God invites us to embody a spirit of gratefulness no matter the circumstances, trusting that our small acts of faith will grow our trust in his goodness and give us hope for whatever lies ahead.
Meet Clarissa Moll
Clarissa Moll is an award-winning writer, podcaster and the author of Beyond the Darkness: A Gentle Guide for Living with Grief and Thriving after Loss. She is the cohost of Christianity Today’s Surprised by Grief podcast, and her writing has appeared at Christianity Today, The Gospel Coalition, RELEVANT, Christian Parenting, Modern Loss, and more. Find her on Instagram where she offers honest, soulful support for bereaved people seeking flourishing after loss.
Where to find her . . .
- Book: Beyond the Darkness
- Podcast: Surprised by Grief
- Free 7-Day Devotional: Disarming Grief’s Myths
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
