How to Speak Gentle Words that Produce Life

Gentle words spoken when we least expect them reassure something deep inside our souls: that we hold value in the eyes of others. These are the words that are genuinely kind and possess a power that is not found in volume. These are the words that are both light and saturated in the weighty, Holy Spirit glory. As we lean into mission in our everyday lives, how do we speak more of these gentle words that produce so much life?

Gentleness seems counter-cultural, perhaps. Too often we see the push to be right regardless of the expense. Perhaps you have been deeply hurt by words that were far from gentle. Perhaps you have felt used or targeted or disregarded by someone claiming to represent Christ.

If that is you today, I want to tell you how deeply sorry I am for the damage to your heart and invite Jesus to show you how He is pure and holy and good and the essence of love itself. The words He speaks always produce life. Christ-followers are human, and therefore we imperfectly represent the perfect God we love.

My desire today and every day is to look a little more like Christ than I did yesterday. Giving God open access to my heart directly impacts the way I speak, and the words I choose either build others up or tear them down.

Do you too want to build others up with your words? Mission-minded friends, let’s unpack how we can speak with love and gentleness and represent Christ well in our homes, neighborhoods, and communities.

Gentle words reveal the foundation of our identity

“Let gentleness be seen in every relationship,” exhorts Philippians 4:5 (TPT), “for the Lord is ever near.” The power to speak with gentleness comes from the God is who is ever present. It’s not because He is watching that we gentle our words and tone, but because He is with us that we that can learn from Him and model our lives after Him.

We are His and we are loved by Him, and this empowers us to reflect His character in our every relationship. Colossians 3:12 (TPT) explains it beautifully:

You are always and dearly loved by God! So robe yourself with virtues of God, since you have been divinely chosen to be holy. Be merciful as you endeavor to understand others, and be compassionate, showing kindness toward all. Be gentle and humble, unoffendable in your patience with others.

As His beloved children, we are secure in the love of God, and we love because He loves us. Love always has momentum. It grows, multiplies, ripples. When we are loved, it moves us to love too.

Gentle words reveal Who we are tethered to—Christ—because our identity always spills out into our words and actions. Who we believe we are flavors how we view God, ourselves, others. Knowing that we are “children of God” (John 1:12) “entirely new [creations]” (2 Cor. 5:17), “a colony of heaven on earth” (Phil. 3:20), and Jesus’ “most intimate friends” (John 15:15) means that our identity is sure and unchanging. We are who we are because of Whose we are, and because we are joined to Christ, we learn then to imitate His simultaneously gentle and powerful love.

If we are to speak gentle, life-changing words, we must devote time to learning the ways of our Teacher, Jesus.

Gentle words guide, not prescribe

The word “gentleness” in Philippians 4:5 means “fairness” in Greek and “humility” in Aramaic, per the footnote in The Passion Translation. With this understanding, we can read the verse as follows: “Let [fairness and humility] be seen in every relationship, for the Lord is ever near.” Gentle words are deeply loving. They make others feel seen and esteemed. And they reveal the focus of the one speaking—an outward gaze from the vantage point of being near the One who shows us how to best love.

When we operate with humility, we find the words we say are less prescriptive and more gently guiding. We are less concerned with our rightness or our words being followed than we are with letting the essence of Christ emanate through us. “Like mirrors who brightly reflect the glory of the Lord Jesus” (2 Cor. 3:18 TPT), we reveal Who lives within us—the One who shows us that gentle words produce far more life than angry, hasty, or criticizing words.

Guiding with gentle words is like opening a door for someone else but letting them choose whether to enter. Our words couple wisdom and restraint, not taking away the choice of others while always looking out for their best.

In the context of discipleship, we lead most effectively when we draw ever close to Christ and invite others—our children, neighbors, friends, colleagues, and other community circles—in close enough to witness the ways God is at work inside us. This entails humility and vulnerability—with both God and others.

The words we speak can guide more gently when we are open about the things God is still working on inside us. As we share how we are works-in-progress being molded by a loving God, we prop open the door for others to also invite God to align their thoughts and habits with truth.

Gentle words can present as questions

Through many of the New Testament stories, Jesus asked questions. Lots of them. Jesus didn’t just ask questions, though, He asked good questions—questions that led to transformed hearts. In his article “Engaging Through Asking: 5 Ways Jesus Asked Questions,” Matt Tebbe writes that

Jesus was ruthless about getting to the heart of people. We see Jesus do this when he engaged with others–he not only revealed the Father to them, but he also revealed who they were through questions.

He continues with a call to action:

If we want to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, we have to learn to ask questions the way Jesus does: to reveal hearts, to open up hidden reality for others.

Framing our words as questions is a great way to deliver them gently and invite the presence of the Holy Spirit. Let’s take a closer look at one example of how Jesus demonstrates this. We’ll pick up the story of a blind beggar desperate to get the attention of Jesus at verse 40 of Luke 18:

Suddenly Jesus stopped. He told those nearby, “Bring the man over to me.” When they brought him before Jesus, he asked the man,“What is it you want me to do for you?”

“Lord,” he said, “please, I want to see again.”

Jesus said, “Now you will see. Receive your sight this moment. For your faith in me has given you sight and new life.”

Instantly he could see again. His eyes popped opened, and he saw Jesus. He shouted loud praises to God and he followed Jesus. And when the crowd saw what happened, they too erupted with shouts of praise to God.

(vs. 40-43, TPT)

Jesus could have begun the conversation a million different ways, but He chose a question. What is it you want me to do for you? And then He gave the man both spiritual and physical sight. Jesus knew the deeper need beneath the man’s ask to see again.

Leading with questions, as Jesus often did, builds relational connection and encourages both introspection and responsibility. Gently discipling in this way echoes the pattern of loving discipline detailed in Ephesians 6:4. We can expand the principle of parents guiding their children to spiritual guidance of others we are in relationship with. The Living Bible translates the latter part of Ephesians 6:4 as such:

Rather, bring them up with the loving disciples the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice.

The Passion Translation sheds further light on the adage, encouraging fathers to “raise [their children] up with loving disciples and counsel that brings the revelation of our Lord.”

Gentle words are powerful at reaching deeper and beckoning higher.

A prayer for gentle words

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength,” wrote Saint Francis de Sales. It’s a paradoxical truth that invites us to speak life-giving words that show those we interact with the very nature of God.

May I end with a prayer of blessing over you?

May you know how dearly beloved you are so you may see too how tenderly God cares for each and every one. May your words carry the essence of Christ and guide others nearer Him. As you spend time learning the rhythms of God’s heart, may you reflect more fully His nature through every word you speak. This we ask in the precious and holy name of Jesus. Amen.

Always cheering you on,

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