How to Remain Missional Through the Messy

We live most of our moments in the messy, sticky, actual life realm. Life happens. Fallen pickle jars shatter against the concrete of the garage floor. Feelings get bent out of whack in the midst of neighborhood play. Conflict thuds with heavy feet on the airy moments. We juggle the important work of parenting with other demands, still present, still with their own importance. If being missional includes sharing the life-on-life stuff, it must be possible to move ever towards mission while we live our messy, actual lives. Perhaps the messiest moments are actually the greatest opportunities to engage in organic discipleship in our neighborhoods.

A verse that lifts my spirits when the messy seems too much is James 1:2-4. In The Passion Translation it reads,

“My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties, see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can! For you know when your faith is tested it stirs up power within you to endure all things. And then as your endurance grows even stronger it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking.”

The fruit of the messy moments is indicative of what we believe to be true, which voice we are paying closest attention to. The messy, ironically, is a pathway to joy, leading us to truth about who God is and who He created us be—truth that produces the deep and true joy. We learn matchless peace in unmatched difficulty because God is still Himself and His Presence disciples us in who we are. We emerge from grace-filled conflict resolution with the lingering evidence of the fruit of the Spirit. We grow less hurried, less distracted as the love God feels for those around us leaves its mark on our own hearts.

As we invite our neighbors to know us in the midst of our learning, growing, and becoming more Christ-like, we become more relatable and the God we mention casually in conversation feels more present and personal. By living our actual, non-curated lives, we gently dismantle beliefs wrung from past hurts and people misrepresenting God and the church. The messy moments create opportunity to be missional—to carry the fragrance of God’s nearness everywhere we set foot.

Perhaps it would be helpful to unpack how we can we can turn some of our messy moments into missional opportunities. While this is not a comprehensive how-to, I hope discussing it here is a helpful starting point.

1) When I’m distracted

I’m in this space more often than I wish to admit, trying to give 100 percent of my attention to all the things at the same time—mothering, neighboring, meal preparing, laundry folding, birthday party planning, missional community leading, writing, podcast editing, reading, praying. I want to be fully present in it all, but somedays, it seems the harder I try, the more I fail.

But the thing is that most of us are learning how to better balance our marriages and families with our work, our relationships with our tasks, our priorities with the imperative demands. We are working out our rhythms, imperfectly, learning some lessons over and over again.

And God is with us through it all.

Leading, guiding, sustaining, showing us another way.

A way to let life overflow from an abiding rest. A way counter to the striving and the hustle and the weary, half-hearted smiles. And we can invite our family members and neighbors into the ongoing conversation with God we are having. We can let our Kairos (or lightbulb) moments shine brighter in the sharing.

2) When I’m exhausted

When we move past the pretense that busyness is a badge of honor, we see how our mess sometimes looks like us in the puddle of sheer exhaustion. If your neighbors are not also burning the candle at both ends, they can probably quickly recall a season where they were. It’s a common and therefore relatable aspect of life.

Here too, we can bring those around us into our questions, our reflections, our surrender. We can share where we might need help—and how even the asking chisels away our pride and replaces it with something softer, more teachable. We can talk of the hard things we are learning to let go of, and our wrestling through the process. We can talk about the closeness of God we feel when we know the strength carrying us is not our own. We can engage in real talk about the reasons for our exhaustion, and we can humbly ask for prayer.

3) When there is conflict

Squabbles and misunderstandings happen. It’s an unavoidable part of life, even for conflict-averse Enneagram 9s. Yet conflict holds potential for both isolation and closeness, pulling away and coming together, division and unity. To be missional in the middle of conflict is to be grace-filled and present, to bear in mind James 2:8:

“Your calling is to fulfill the royal law of love as given to us in this Scripture: ’You must love and value your neighbor as you love and value yourself!’”

As the mission to always bring awareness of God’s nearness influences our lives, conflicts become opportunities to love well, to choose humility, to bend our will and preference to honor and serve, and be through and through authentic.

4) When my house is literally a mess

Toys overtaking the living space, cruddy dishes piling high in the sink or sitting still in a pile of crumbs on the table, shoes strewn from room to room, a teetering stack of mis-placed items that have found a semi-permanent location on the counter—sometimes the mess we find ourselves in is the one that literally surrounds us inside our home. While our impulse is often to deter other eyes from seeing the less-than-pretty, there is something holy about choosing connection over perfection. When our house is literally a mess, it is still a snap-shot of our true-to-life lives—and it could help others feel at ease.

So don’t let the mess in your house be what deters you from answering the door and inviting a neighbor to cross the threshold into your home. Your authenticity may gain you more respect than a perfectly put-together house, and it’s likely to help you bridge into deeper friendships.

5) When I’m caught in a downpour

Other times our mess is more figurative, but more invasive. When it seems that nothing in your life is working out in your favor, like you are being pinched and squeezed on all sides—even then, especially then, you can be missional. In these seasons is when our true colors are on display, and it’s an incredible opportunity to show how God’s nearness changes you on the inside when what is all around you looks like a downpour on rough waters.

6) When my neighbor is hurting

We may only know when our neighbors are in a downpour season of their own if we have been patiently growing our noticing, valuing, and listening skills. Missional people are people of action. We don’t just love in theory; we join our neighbors in the hard falls and swirl of pain. We treat them as highly valuable because we are learning to use the vision God lends us. We are willing to listen without dismissing, without judging, without fixing. We are hope-filled encouragers, inviting the peace and comfort of God’s Presence with us. We share words that fill hearts not just the silence. We demonstrate, through actions and words, that God is near and He cares.

I hope these scenarios are helpful as you continue leaning into a missional life in your own neighborhood this summer. If you are feeling overwhelmed, please know that my intent is to paint a picture to fill you with vision as you take each baby step God guides you to.

May I pray a blessing over you, my friend?

May you see with open eyes the mission tugging at God’s heart—to be near us, each of us—every moment, every day. May you choose grace for yourself when your life feels embarrassingly messy. And may you know God’s with-ness you seek to turn your messy moments into opportunities to be missional right in your own neighborhood.