How to Grow “Charity of the Heart”: 8 Ways to Build Up Others
Knowledge promotes overconfidence and worse arrogance, but charity of the heart (love, that is) looks to build up others.
1 Corinthians 8:1, The Voice
We’re settling into the swing of the school year–which includes a lot of left turns out of our neighborhood. My husband says I’ve become a more asertive driver, and he’s not wrong. On school mornings you get just a sliver of opportunity to turn left–unless the nearest lane is backed up past your street. When that lane is barely moving, you’re at the mercy of someone willing to wave you through in front of them.
It puts a smile on my face, this wordless gesture of goodwill and I-see-you.
An others-first mentality seems rare these days. Maybe that’s why “charity of the heart,” as Paul describes it, always makes my gratitude list. Life can feel like a race in slow motion where making space for someone else comes at a cost.
But you and I get to be the sort of people who normalize uncommon rhythms–like noticing the people in front of us, getting to know our neighbors, and building others up.
We are those who love because we’re outrageously loved (1 John 4:19). Who serve because we copy the One who serves us (Matthew 20:28). Who go lower, not higher. Who build up, not tear down, each other with our words. Who let others go ahead while we look out for their blind spots.
Have you caught the shift in your heart when you put someone else first?
Making someone else’s day makes yours better too.
Encouraging someone else lifts your spirit as well.
Building others up also builds you up.
But perhaps you need some fresh ideas, relevant to your life and your neighborhood. Here are eight practical ways to build up others.
1. Smile first.
Let’s start with a simple, non-verbal way to acknowledge the people in front of us: a smile. A smile says “I see you” and “you’re worth my attention.” It might catch a neighbor on a day she’s feeling particularly unappreciated, invisible, or insecure.
A smile can silently build up someone else, even if no words are exchanged. However, we might open up conversation when we lead with a genuine smile.
2. Plant blessings.
One way to anonymously build up your neighbors is to “plant” short prayers of blessings around your neighborhood. You might leave notes in mailboxes, tuck them into plates of cookies, or write them in chalk on the sidewalk. If you have a community space, consider leaving encouragement there.
3. Prioritize gratitude.
What grows in the inside of us surfaces as we interact with our neighbors. When our hearts are peace-filled, content, and grateful–especially when the circumstances around us don’t warrant it–we naturally build up others. In the same vein, if we let negativity preside, our words will sour and spread bitterness, discontentment, and ingratitude.
It may seem irrelevant to neighboring to keep a gratitude journal, but it’s one of the most powerful, missional practices you can adopt. Practice gratitude daily, and you’ll start naming where you see God’s goodness without even thinking about it.
4. Ask for help.
Here’s another counter-intuitive way to grow “charity of heart”: ask for help. Little else is more humbling than admitting our need. It squelches the “overconfidence . . . and arrogance” Paul uses to contrast with love (1 Corinthians 8:1).
Asking for help can be accepting advice, texting a neighbor to ask if she has vanilla or chili powder to spare, or sharing a prayer request. Because we must put ourselves lower to make the request, we automatically elevate others. Further, we lend our neighbors the confidence to also ask when they need help.
Neighbors leaning on each other and building each other up? Let’s build that kind of community!
5. Talk up your neighbors to each other.
It’s been ingrained in our heads since childhood: don’t talk about people who aren’t present. We get the meaning: don’t spread rumors or engage in gossip. Words can kindle a fire faster than we can count to three. But what if talking about our neighbors could start a ripple-effect of encouragement?
Here’s permission to talk well of your neighbors to other neighbors. To casually build up someone not even present. Let’s be known as people who always see the good in others.
6. Reverse the defeat.
As you interact with your neighbors, pay attention to clues that someone is feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps there’s more silence than usual or an overdue exhale, a slight slump to her shoulders or a not-typical afternoon coffee in her hand.
Ask questions that help your neighbor feel seen and you identify where she feels defeated. Then gently affirm her with encouraging, Scripture-based truth–like God goes before her, no matter how little of the road she can see (Deuteronomy 31:8).
7. Share how God is strengthening you with His Word.
Choose a Bible verse that personally encourages you and commit it to memory. To help with memorization, put the verse on your mirror or phone lockscreen, journal through it with God, or pray it daily over yourself. Then let the work God is doing in you through this process seep into conversations with your neighbors.
Lead with humility, sharing the struggle or untruth you’re wrestling with, and how God is strengthening you through the verse.
8. Mingle prayer with conversation.
As we practice paying attention to our neighbors, we’ll catch opportunities to build up others through prayer. Without being nosy or stuffy, we can pray right on the spot. Casually ask God for wisdom, strength, grace, or peace–without announcing that you’re praying–then continue on the conversation as if it’s the most natural thing to talk with God as we talk with each other.
A Blessing as You Grow “Charity of the Heart”
May you be fueled by the condition-free love of Christ as you love your neighbors.
May you be the kind of person always seeking to build up others.
May you make space and lend courage and plant blessings.
May you normalize uncommon rhythms that put others first and point them towards Jesus.
In Christ’s name we pray. Amen.
Just a friend over here in your corner,
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