The Divorce I Didn’t See Coming

I received divorce papers on my 50th birthday some years ago. I was leading the women’s ministry at our small rural Bible church in North Texas. Six weeks before, I experienced the punch in the gut experts call “discovery” regarding my husband’s infidelity. I continued to discover more in the months ahead.

We’d just celebrated our 30th anniversary. I thought we were doing pretty well in life. I’d learned to be okay with the version of my marriage and family with three grown sons. Stable. Comfortable. Committed. Or so I thought.

During those six weeks and the months after, I went through the shock, anger, denial, bargaining stages of grief. Psalm 116 became my pain-killer, my cheerleader, my comforter. In the beginning, I read it out loud several times a day, forcing myself to hear these words come out of my own mouth.

Thanksgiving was often truly a sacrifice–hard, hurtful, unwanted. Other days it was something I looked forward to, eagerly waiting till the next time I could say and hear those words.

A Daily Habit of Thanksgiving

I started a daily habit during that time that continues today. When my eyes are not yet open each morning, with the faintest bit of consciousness, I begin to picture some of the most basic comforts of my life: my sheets, the air conditioning or heater, the hum of the fridge, reminding me I have food, the knowledge I can get to toilet facilities and clean water with just a few steps.

As I become more awake, I say to myself something along the lines of “I thank You God that You are King of the Universe, Maker of Heaven and Earth. There is nothing too difficult for You” from Jeremiah 32. I often repeat it out loud as I get out of bed.

In truth, I was losing my husband, my home, my terminally ill mother, my source of support, the future I’d counted on. But I felt like I was losing my identity. Even though I knew in my head that was not true, it felt very much true in my heart and emotions.

This daily habit gave my thoughts and my emotions a direction, a focus. It made sure my day started with gratitude and worship. Even in the semi-conscious routine, it set the tone and reminded me I could make choices, even when others were making choices for me. I can’t say I did it all right during those years during and after divorce. I didn’t. I was deeply wounded and needed much healing.

Reciting Psalm 116 daily taught me a new depth of wisdom and understanding:

Thanksgiving is both a painful sacrifice and a joyful comfort.

We will be plumbing the depths of that wisdom as long as we are on this earth.

Prayer:

Father God! You are King of the Universe! Maker of Heaven and Earth. I thank You that nothing is too difficult for You. Today, I’m very thankful for air conditioning, food in my fridge and clean water in my home. I choose to focus on the good in my life whether I’m in a season of ease and stability or I’m sorting through pain and loss.

Meet Cheryl Pruitt

Where to find her . . .

• Website
• Online course for Christian women who’ve experienced betrayal, trauma, and divorce

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.