Five of The Best Quotes on Friendship (+ A New Must-Read)
“Author Eric Barker told me on my podcast that the thirties are where our friendships go to die,” Alli Worthington shared in her book, Remaining You While Raising Them—which released today if you’re reading or listening on August 8th. Alli continues, “I don’t disagree. Work, kids, marriage, the never-ending laundry—it’s easy to let friendships slide.”
I wonder if you feel the tension of trying to balance what your soul needs with everyday things that take so much of your time. Alone even though you’re surrounded by neighbors.
Your to-do list is bossy and mom-guilt loud. There is not enough of you to go around. So you’ve stopped making time to get together with friends, meet new friends, be yourself in someone else’s company.
We could talk about your kids going back to school. Your daily prayer that your child will make a friend, find a better friend group, be a better friend.
But today, let’s talk about you. Because you need friends—healthy, here-for-you, have-your-back friends. Friends who build you up and help you grow. Friends who get to be honest because you know they care. Friends who help you be honest.
Friendship is also an essential component of missional neighboring so we don’t push words ahead of relationships. It looks like this: We get really close to Jesus because that’s how we learn to imitate Him. And we also drop our guards and facades with our neighbors so the things God is doing inside us can more easily reach them. Picture overlapping circles. Interconnected friendship, where we naturally bring our Friend Jesus into our other conversations. Getting to know Jesus and neighbors better at the same time.
Growing Friendships Is NOT Selfish
As Alli Worthington reminds us, it’s not selfish to invest in friendships. You’ll actually do your kids and marriage a disservice if you don’t. She puts it this way:
Investing in healthy friendships is also an investment in yourself and your family.
Remaining Yourself While Raising Them
A healthier, happier you is a gift to everyone around you. Our mental space affects how we respond to day-to-day demands, and the unexpected sharp turns. It makes our tone gentle, or hurried, our presence a joy, or a cast shadow.
Alli further builds the case with research, noting that “investing in our emotional health helps our children grow to be better adjusted, have healthier relationships, and be more successful in life.” Truth is the good things God grows in our lives are meant for more than just us—and this includes friendship. When we focus on growing rich, meaningful friendships, we model the importance and the process.
Sowing into friendship not only means you’re forming community with your neighbors, you’re also empowering neighbors to invest in their own friendships, inside and outside the neighborhood. Meanwhile, your kids reap the benefit of a fulfilled and at-rest mom. Triple win!
So in honor of Alli’s book releasing today, let’s talk friendship tips. I’ve collected several from books I’ve read recently, and we’ll start, of course, with one from Remaining You While Raising Them.
Five Don’t-Miss Friendship Tips from My Book Stack
Bundling friend time with my everyday activities helps me stay in touch with my friends.
Alli Worthington, Remaining You While Raising Them
This tip is gold for neighborhood friendships because the proximity factor is already there. Rather than adding friendship onto your already busy day, weave it into the things you are already doing. Share meals, walk together, swap kids and chat during the exchange. Want to start a book club? Pick a night and invite neighbors to join. Need to run some errands? Ask a neighbor if she’d like to grab groceries, drop off Amazon returns, or browse Hobby Lobby together.
Letting people see how you actually live and where you live will foster authenticity and comfort like nothing else can.
Amanda Anderson, All My Friends Have Issues
I’ve lived this too—both sides, actually. I’ve had seasons where most of the friendships I was nurturing required a drive across town and most of my friends had never been inside my house. If that’s you, I get how big of a deal it can feel to welcome neighbors into your home. Neighbors live close enough to pop in unannounced. Knock on your door before you’ve showered or picked up the mail your kid left in shreds right inside the front door.
But I’m here to tell you that all the reasons why you can’t and shouldn’t get really quiet when you start growing friendships that care more about being real than keeping up appearances.
Pick a thing you’d be willing to do consistently, and then set it up as a recurring priority.
Laura Tremaine, The Life Council
Seriously love this idea. When we build something into our weekly rhythms, we train ourselves to make space for it. That’s what I’ve loved about having a weekly gathering for missional community and a ladies’ podcast club. Both were a given. Both kept me investing in friendships and faith. And because they were right in our neighborhood, we saw the same people throughout the week as well. The recurring get-togethers brought more meaning to the casual, spontaneous conversations equally important to missional neighboring.
We have to come in close for the best of us to rub off on each other.
Shannon Martin, Start With Hello
Leave it to Shannon Martin to deliver truth in such a poignant way. What God is doing inside us should ripple out beyond us. But if those ripples meet walls rather than people, what good is it? I’m hardwired to pick safe and put-together over letting my messy show. But it’s lonely. And it dries out my faith because there’s nowhere for it to overflow.
In my experience, here’s what suffers most in the chaos of a rushed existence: relationships. Hurry wounds the bonds of connection.
Jennifer Dukes Lee, Growing Slow
Jennifer’s is one of those voices you want to pay attention to because she’s generous, kind, and wise, and shares what she’s learning to live herself. She knows the hurried life and its toll. You can take her word that it’s not worth it.
The rhythms of missional living flourish in the brave choice to slow our pace. When we build margin into our days, we can spend more time visible to our neighbors (which jumpstarts relationships). We’re present and paying attention, noticing those right in front of us, choosing to be interruptible. We’re also prioritizing time with Jesus, inviting the work He does to shape and grow us, sharing through casual conversation what God’s cultivating, teaching, asking us to let go.
A Final Note
Want more tips on growing deeper friendships? Check out “How to Grow Deeper Friendships” on the blog for my top ten, or this conversation with Caesar Kalinowski on the Everyday Disciple podcast, where we talk through those secrets to growing deeper friendships. You can also discover here if you’re doing any of these ten things that keep relationships shallow.
Before we pray, here’s a quick reminder to go buy Alli Worthington’s new book, Remaining You While Raising Them. It’s available everywhere books are sold, and you can learn more about it here. This book will make you laugh and cry and let out that breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You won’t know just how badly you needed it until you crack open the cover and find that Alli can literally read your mind–and show you a better, freer way to live.
Jesus, thank you for the gift of friendship—to us, and to our kids and spouses and neighbors. Thank you for what it gives, and how it grows us. May we make space, invest, and go deep.
Just a friend over here in your corner,
Missional Neighboring 101
This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Download your FREE sneak peek today! Also, get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors.
P.S. Did you know that The Uncommon Normal is also available as a podcast? Tune in to Apple Podcasts or Spotify to listen!
