10 Things You Don’t Have to Do Before Inviting Neighbors Inside

Our brains are always telling us what we have to do, as if there’s always more we could–should–be doing. We’re continually privy to the guilty nagging, the critical comparison, the insistent whisper of not enough, not enough, not enough.

No wonder a missional life gets lumped in with the shoulds. We’ve been conditioned to stack on extras and deny we’re on empty.

We assign a grading scale to our hospitality, our servant-heartedness, our neighborliness. We assess our overwhelm as selfishness. We see our homes as never company-ready, our lives as lacking, our faith as lackluster.

Can we talk about all the pressure we’ve built up to do more and be more, as if being a good neighbor should exhaust you? How about the expectation that your house should be spotless before anyone besides your family steps inside? What about the massive time commitment we associate with missional living?

If you’re anything like me, your list of have-tos gets you stuck in the someday.

Someday I will have a bigger house.

Someday I will have more time.

Someday there will be more kids on our street.

Someday I will understand the Bible better.

Someday I will get our lives on track.

Someday I will actually be ready.

Meanwhile, the fledgling dream to open your heart, home, and life to your neighbors sits on a shelf like a pretty keepsake attracting dust.

So let’s take the pressure off by reminding each other of what we don’t have to do before inviting neighbors inside.

1–You don’t have to wash the dishes, wipe the counters, or whisk away all evidence that you live here.

Soften your expectations for how clean your home has to be before you invite guests over. Most likely, your neighbor’s home isn’t spotless either, and inviting her into your lived-in-space shows that you trust her. I count it as a high honor when friends let me stay the night without doing any extra cleaning.

To help you find grace and balance, I recommend identifying three tasks on your cleaning list that help you feel most at peace in your own home. Concentrate your attention on these and relax about the rest. You can learn more HERE.

2–You don’t have to refurnish your home.

Almost nothing says “you are welcome here” more than inviting others into the humble and homey spaces where you relax. There’s a refreshing vulnerability that comes with inviting someone into what is without apologizing for what it’s not.

3–You don’t have to home-cook a meal.

Cooking is not a requirement for sharing a meal with some neighbors. If time or your comfort level in the kitchen is a deterrent, choose take-out, air-fryer-friendly foods, rotisserie chicken and deli sides, or pizza. If cost is a consideration, try potluck style. Or, get creative: provide pizza crust, and ask others to bring toppings, or skip straight to dessert with a bring-a-topping-to-share ice cream bar.

4–You don’t have to use porcelain plates. 

While we’re talking about meals, can we normalize using paper plates? If you don’t have enough dinner plates in your cupboard to go around, give yourself permission to go with paperware. Don’t let plate settings stop you from getting to know your neighbors.

5–You don’t have to be an extrovert.

As a fellow introvert, I get this tendency to compare and self-dismiss. But let’s pause right here, because your genuineness and gentleness are gifts. Someone else could use your listening ear and effortless ability to offer your full attention. For more encouragement and practical tips for mission-minded introverts, check out this post, “Neighborhood Missional Living When I Am an Introvert.”

6–You don’t have to be a hospitality queen.

If being a good neighbor was only for naturally hospitable people, many of us would be in trouble. Curb your self-criticism and concentrate instead on the people in front of you. Lean in in ways that feel natural to you.

7–You don’t have to have lots of leisure time.

Let’s debunk the lie that a missional life requires a lot of time. This lifestyle is actually about involving your neighbors in what you are already doing, easing each other’s burdens, and letting what God is growing in you show in the process.

Want some practical tips? I send a short, neighboring tip-of-the-week email. Sign up for the tips here:

8–You don’t have to hold a ministry degree or be studying theology.

For the Bible-reference forgetters and still-making-sense-of-the-Old-Testament studiers and praying-out-loud-makes-me-sweaty folks, here’s good news. A seminary degree may be less useful in your neighborhood than the honest questions you’re asking God as He grows His character inside you. 

Bring your humility, your tenderness towards God, your insufficiencies that highlight His grace and goodness in your life. Share how God held you, surprised you, or redirected you. The faith you are walking out in all the messy ways can start a ripple effect, right in your neighborhood. 

9–You don’t have to be a perfect parent.

Since we’re talking about depressurizing our expectations, let’s touch on a topic that can easily make us feel inadequate: our parenting. Whether or not your kids still live at home, our minds can rehearse the moments we could have responded with more compassion, steered our kids differently, modeled better behavior, prayed harder, championed more visibly, and on and on. 

But embedded within every opportunity for growth is also an opportunity to demonstrate apology, humility, and teachability. Your imperfect parenting, surrendered to God, is more impactful than maintaining the impression you have it all together. Yes, even if that toddler tantrum happens in the middle of a front-yard conversation.

10–You don’t have to have your life all put together.

The pressure to be seen as having it all together extends beyond our parenting, of course. But when we build up this facade, we fail to let people in. Inviting neighbors in is about more than walking through the front door. It’s about dropping your guardedness, opening up one small step at a time, so they can witness the ways God is at work inside you.

If this list was helpful, you can share it via any of the buttons below.

May we take a quick moment to pray?

Lord, we hand You our desire to get to know our neighbors, to make a difference right here, to have the kind of faith that creates a ripple effect in our neighborhoods. Give us the courage to release the unnecessary expectations we’ve put on ourselves. Go before us as we lean into front-yard conversations and cultivate relationships with the people right in front of us. May we open our hearts, homes, and lives to our neighbors. In Your name, Jesus, we pray. Amen.

Just a friend over here in your corner,

---

P.S. Prefer the audio? Listen to The Uncommon Normal podcast for the same weekly content! Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or listen to the latest episodes right here!