10 Reasons to Begin Letting Others in Now

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I’ve been learning for two-and-a-half years to open up and let others in, but it takes time to relearn what I practiced for thirty-two years, which was to show up with only the depth of me I was willing to share. The more I write about my 2019 word-of the-year, open, the more I realize many of you also long to stop pretending you have it together all the time and let others see the non-curated pieces of who you are.

We live in a world of trade-offs, I’m reading in Greg McKeown’s New York Times Bestseller, Essentialism. It’s a reality we can ignore, but not without consequences.

For most of my life I tried hard to show only my best face. Not fail at anything. Not be underprepared for anything. Not contribute less than my best work for anything. Not admit I needed help with anything. But it’s a recipe for striving, not success, and it doesn’t lead me to where I really want to go, which is deeply connected community and a faith that flourishes.

I want to be real with you. The opposite of open is closed. The opposite of growing is withering. Diminishing. Either we are leaning into openness or we are progressively retreating from being real.

There is a trade-off.

But until we see the reward of embracing openness as worth the risk, we will long for deeper, truer friendships, but not actually experience them for ourselves. We will continue curating our lives, though we feel less than whole inside.

So let’s talk about what we gain by embracing open. My top ten list of reasons to begin letting others in now comes from my own journey these past several years. Here we go:

1–Our friendships grow deeper.

This one may seem obvious, but it’s life-changing and needs a mention. The small moments where I’ve chosen open in a conversation add up to friendships where I no longer feel I have to impress. It’s far more freeing and fulfilling to be truly known than for others to have to guess at what makes you human like them.

2–We fill in the gaps for each other.

It takes no rocket science to know that we each have a natural bent, possess different strengthens and weaknesses, and have a different way of seeing the world around us (though I do appreciate the clarity the Enneagram sheds on this). When we are honest about our lack and use our strengths to benefit others, we can fill in the gaps for each other. A community is strongest when each are operating in their areas of highest contribution.

3–We cultivate a growth mindset.

Vulnerability. Humility. Authenticity. These push against our grain, sand us smoother. Always there is more to learn, more to surrender, more opportunities to choose to be brave though we don’t feel courageous. It’s a constant chiseling of us into a better version of ourselves—one that more wholly reflects Christ, who we endeavor to imitate.

4–We uncover purpose.

Having a concrete and essential purpose, like leaning into open, instills within us a sense of purpose. It’s a canopy that covers all, an arrow pointing in always the same direction. It gives us a goal and a vision. It’s far more fulfilling to have an aim rather than to meander without a purpose.

5–We inspire others.

The choices we make affect more than just ourselves. Each choice has a consequence, a ripple effect, in other words. We inadvertently teach others around us to do as we do, say as we say. When we are willing to go first, show up with the real us and let others in, it gives others the courage to lean into openness as well.

6–We dissolve selfishness.

The courage to live genuinely true dismantles selfishness because in the moments we wish to retreat, we choose to think beyond what’s comfortable for us in this precise moment. We acknowledge that our brave decision to show up real unlocks not only ourselves but others. When we can’t be open for our own good, we can step into uncharted territory for the sake of the others around us.

7—We grow optimism.

Isolate and the world grows darker. Connect with others in meaningful ways and it becomes easier to see the good running through our stories. In the same vein, a life that has grown stagnant is actually quite boring. The courage to keep pushing against our grain not only grows us, it changes the way we look at the ourselves, the world around us, and God who is with us always. It breathes hope, unleashes joy, and makes us more confident and resilient.

8—We see how we are not alone.

We can be surrounded by people, but remain largely unknown. And it’s a lonely place to be. When we let others truly know us, we learn that no one is without struggles. No one else is perfect all the time. We’re all just people longing for the courage to be real. We are each a work-in-progress, but we are not alone.

9—Openness opens doors.

We won’t know what we are missing by living guarded until we begin to live differently. We won’t know the conversations we wouldn’t have had, or the doors those conversations opened, had we not chosen the way of open. But this I know: we can only guess at what’s on the other side of a door until we actually walk through it.

10 – We are propelled into missional living.

A missional life is one that imitates Christ while inviting others in near enough to be able to imitate us as we imitate Christ. It’s a life that ripples. One that requires we remain both open to God and others. Close the door for either and we short-circuit the ripple. We can’t share what we don’t have, so we need to give God an all-access pass to cultivate us on the inside. Additionally, what grows can’t be contained, and the work God does in us is not meant for us alone.

Embracing open is worth it.

I’m here to share that the risk of openness is worth it. Facing the reasons you pull back from being real with yourself, God, and the people around you is worth it. Leaning into open when you’d rather not in the moment is worth it.

But as with missional living, you don’t have to go from where you are today to where you want to be overnight. You can start small. With one baby step at a time. Choose open in the small moments and it will become easier to choose it in the bigger ones. Every baby step paves the way for the next one. Baby steps lead to habits, and the habits we form affect the trajectory of our life.

Shall we pray?

Jesus, You alone see all the way through us, and we pause here now to welcome You in. Would You invade the places we’ve kept behind locked doors? Would You dismantle the mistruths we’ve believed that life is better partitioned? Today we choose the route of open by first giving You full access to our lives. Wherever You enter, You bring healing. Hope. Restoration. Courage.

We need courage, Lord. This is not a journey for the faint of heart, and it’s not one we can embrace without Your grace. Thank you for walking with us, for never leaving us, for teaching us Your heart and Your ways.

Help us to be truly real and live lives that ripple.

In Your precious and holy name, Jesus, we pray. Amen.

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