When the Arrows Direct Me to Become a Beginner

“Let yourself be a beginner and receive all the gifts beginning has to give” (69). I hear Emily P. Freeman’s distinctively gentle voice in my head as I read her latest book, The Next Right Thing. Little do I know that my daughter would soon embark on a journey that would position her as a beginner, and that I would in my own way become a beginner too.

For us, it is school. It was becoming clearer that our oldest was no longer thriving being home schooled—she longed for close friendships that had thus far largely eluded her and found it hard to give herself grace during the process of learning something that was new or challenging. The unrest and longing, the focus that was elusive, the thriving that was waning—these were arrows Emily P. Freeman shares that we may find instead of answers when we intention to do our #nextrightthing. “Look for arrows,” she states, and the simplicity resonates, “not just answers. If God has something to tell you and you continue to place yourself before him, he won’t let you miss it” (61).

Even after identifying the arrows, I admit I still struggled with how to proceed. Knowing that my daughter is a 4 on the Enneagram, that the emotions she feels are often super-sized, and that she feels keenly that there is something inside her missing that others all seem to have found, I was torn between whether continuing to home school her was helping or hurting her. The arrows led us to the questions, and we let her choose the path she most desired—and it was to finish out third grade at our districted school.

So yesterday she walked into school for the first time as a student, not a visitor, and she rode the bus for the first time at the end of the school day. She chose to become a beginner, to walk the halls without knowing what to expect, to let her excitement conjoin with her nervousness.

I became beginner too, and felt it keenly as I filled out school application paperwork I was looking at for the first time. Not only have I never myself attended public school, I am new to parenting a public-schooled child. It’s a journey of new, and brave, and being a beginner, and it is colored by a slew of contradicting emotions.

Do you have arrows in your life pointing in the direction of being small, of beginning again, or starting something new?

May I encourage you today to listen to the nudges? Make space for the whispers. Slow down to catch the road signs. Notice the arrows.

Perhaps you have recently found my blog or have been following my Instagram for a while. Is something inside you yearning for deeper, more meaningful relationships with your neighbors, but the starting is daunting, the being a beginner at missional living amongst your neighbors intimidating? First, I want you to know that it is ok to feel both excited and hesitant. Dual emotions are still valid emotions. Second, I hope that you know it is ok to linger here, to learn and wrestle with the what-if’s and the how-do-I’s, to take a pause before taking another step.

I am a beginner at this too, just a beginner who has taken a few steps now, tasted enough fullness of this life of together with my neighbors that I don’t want it any other way.

If the arrows in your life are directing you to become a beginner at living on mission in your own neighborhood, here are three truths to hold tight to in the midst of the rivaling emotions:

He sees you. He sees you when you feel secure, but He sees you too when you feel like you have no idea where you are or what you are doing. He loves our tender vulnerability in these moments. Let Him draw near to you as you rest in the promise that He truly sees you in this moment of wrestling with your #nextrightthing.
It is ok to feel scared. Feeling scared does not mean you are not brave, because bravery is often going forward when the going is toughest, and it does not mean He is any further away from you. Identify your emotions—you may find opposing emotions as you list them out, and that is ok.
You don’t have to have all your questions answered. If it’s Him leading you, lean into the work He is doing inside you, even if you don’t know what it will look like when He is finished. Embrace the journey, and the One you journey with.

Would you pause here with me as we pray?

Dear Father, thank you for the stirrings in our hearts, the whisper of something on the horizon. If the journey forward involves us becoming a beginner at something new, would you give us arrows to point us in the right direction? May we come before you open hands and soft hearts. May we be willing to follow you even when we go scared and with unanswered questions. Would you meet us in the juxtaposition of rival emotions?

Freeman, Emily P. The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions. Revell, 2019.

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