What To Do When We Can’t Go Back to How It Was

I saw it tug at her eyes as we talked—a silent admission that she felt alone and unmoored. Like she’d missed or messed up the plan God had for her life. Like the redemption hadn’t overweighed the loss—not fully. Not yet.

And I wonder if you’re in that spot too. Something happened and it wasn’t your choice or your fault. You can’t go back and you worry your testimony is tainted. That second best is as good as it will get.

Worse yet, you think it’s just you and that everyone else gets a life less interrupted. So you keep the part of you who needs to bawl or yell-pray tucked deep out of sight.

Oh, but you’re not alone! There’s a line as long as you can see of hands raised in solidarity. Because we’ve been there too, or are right now, and like you, we’re exterior-strong and tender as a child inside. 

It’s Us Too

There’s a t-shirt I wear often when I write because it reminds me of a loss that was hard and also bursting with grace and God’s impeccable timing. But you’d never know unless you knew the story. 

We’ve all got silent stories that have shaped us. Tales of breakage and thin hope and redemption in the making. Sometimes a memory or place or celebration triggers the muchness of it all. But mostly we wear practiced smiles and squared shoulders and try to fit into a world where everyone feels alone sometimes but few admit it.

That voice is loud, isn’t it? The one whispering God’s disappointed in you? Recanting the ways you come up short? Comparing yourself to who you wish you were?

Chin up, friend. He’s here. Let Jesus catch your eye and hold your gaze for a moment. 

Everything that’s discouraged or disrupted, hung lies and labels around your neck, or convinced you God can no longer shine through you—He wants to take it. 

Would you let Him?

God’s Purpose for You Isn’t Over

If you’ll trust Him, God won’t only take those burdens, He’ll make something of them. 

He’s the sort of God who makes what’s shattered stronger. What’s lost a gain. What’s turned inside out around.

Consider this: What if the multi-faceted masterpiece of your God-given strengths and life experiences helps you reflect Jesus in a way that literally no one else can?

As Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 4:6, TPT,

What if every piece of intricately, formed-on-purpose you is a prism that catches the light of a relentlessly good God?

What if pain doesn’t dull the light, but enhance it? 

And what if there’s purpose for where you’re planted—where you live, where you work, where you frequently shop or sit in carlines or slide onto bleachers?

Reflecting Light

Those nearest you are the first to catch the light you reflect as you tuck in close to Jesus. It angles right into their complex, unfolding story. Splashes color into a dark corner. 

It’s hope enfolding like a hug. Filling empty wells to overflowing. Spreading extra plates across the table. Trading kids and tools and rides to school.

If you’re feeling alone and broken, lean into the gift of proximity. There are meals to share and stories to swap and light to lend and others who need all of it just as much as you do.

Where do we start?

With the smallest steps: Eye contact and learning names. Asking questions. Answering our own.

We move towards the people around us while simultaneously rooting ourselves in Christ–one baby step at a time. As we open up we find we’re not alone. God’s here, and there are people with pain and self-doubt and also longing for purpose etched into their stories too.

We can’t go back to that slice of history that felt easier, lighter, less complicated. But we can move forward with the whole of our growing, still-becoming, light-reflecting selves.

When You Can’t Go Back, Go Forward

That first step forward is often the hardest. We hesitate, second-guess, then talk ourselves out of it. I’ve been there, at the edge of a conversation, listening with sealed lips. Stuck in my own busy or insecurity. 

What I’ve learned is that the first baby step triggers inertia. It breaks the ice and makes it so much easier to show up and let Jesus shine through us. 

Take a moment to envision you engaging in meaningful, God-filled conversations with your neighbors. You’ve formed friendships amongst your right-in-front-of-you people. You’ve shared stories, tears, meals, and hugs. You’ve texted prayer requests and chatted about it after when you bumped into each other in the middle of the street.

Your pain is both behind you and fresh, and you’ve discovered it’s the same for others. Instead of hiding those still-in-progress pieces of your life, you let them catch the light of Jesus and reflect it into someone else’s tender, still-unfolding story.

Let’s pray.

Jesus, You are radiant glory and brilliant light. We look to You so we may reflect You into the torn and tender of the world around us.

Just a friend over here in your corner,

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