Today’s Big Question: What Do You Want?

What do you want?

I don’t know about you, but the question gives me pause, and an invitation to dream. Could I name the things that hope is made of? Such answers feel equally precious and risky, fragile, and valuable.

What do you want? It’s a question raised in Bob Goff’s “Dream Big” video series, which we’ve recently wrapped up with our missional community. I can’t get it out of my head. My husband, too, keeps mulling it over. Conversations spill beyond our Friday night gatherings to family dinnertime and pockets of talk between our work.

What do you want?

It’s easier to name what already is.

I find Emily P. Freemans’s “these are the days” a perfect sounding board for reflection.

These are the days of praying and watching and standing with Ukraine. These are the days of feeling how God’s heart breaks and trusting that all will be made right in time.

These are simultaneously the days of everyday and ordinary. These are the days of long hours of writing. These are the days of patched ceilings, Girl Scout cookie booths, dance competitions, and music lessons. These are the days warm days mixed with yet-cool ones. These are the days of kids coloring pages around the farm table. These are the days of sourdough bread, a muffin exchange with neighbors, and homemade Pazole simmering in the crockpot.

But these are also the days of dreaming. Naming what would be a miracle if it happened. Saying aloud, for ourselves, for the people around us, what it is that we really, truly want.

It’s both the sparked hope of a dream and the diligence to do each #nextrightthing as it comes. It’s where today and someday converge.

One casts vision, the other helps us make the immediately-before us decisions. One gives direction, the other helps us be present in the ordinary days. One gives us a path, the other is found in the little steps forward. Together, they create the trajectory of our lives.

What do you want?

It’s my question for you today too. When’s the last time you let yourself look up to see what’s on the horizon? When was the last time you looked beyond the right-in-front-of-you?

Sometimes I feel stuck in the here-and-now. I see first the things that require my attention. The 100^th request in a single morning for a snack. The dinner I have an hour to make. The drop-offs and pick-ups to coordinate. The spills to clean. The emails and messages to answer. The graphics to create and posts to SEO. The laundry to throw into the not-yet-empty washing machine. The papers from school to sort through before tomorrow.

Yet in the midst of our responsibilities, there lingers this question: What do you want?

It suggests our lives can have meaning. And it invites us to discover what a meaningful life looks like.

What do you want?

It’s a question asked many times before, but yet it still meets me in today, in this moment. Wants aren’t always static, so the question is ever fresh.

I start a list.

• Peace in Ukraine
• Deep friendships
• Village-like community
• Expectant, fervent faith
• The humility to be vulnerable and authentic
• Freedom from fear that shuts others out and me inside
• For my words to make a difference for others
• For my life to point those around me to Jesus
• For flourishing relationships with everyone in my family
• To wake up excited for each day
• To pray like I know my voice moves God’s heart
• To truly believe that my worth is determined by God, not anyone else, including me

Perhaps some of the things on your want-list might sound a little like mine.

If you will, take a few minutes to start your list.

What do you want?

The question follows me.

What do I want that I don’t already have to the fullness I desire it? It stirs more questions.

Where am I now?

What do I lack?

Where am I discontent?

Where am I not awake?

To know where I want to be is to know where I am not now. 

I know sometimes I still let fear have the final say. Sometimes I still shy away from being vulnerable. Sometimes I’m afraid to let my own struggle with self-worth be seen. Sometimes I pull away from people because I don’t want to be uncomfortable.

Yet even when I’m not ready to navigate the tension of transparency, I long for the depth and authenticity that vulnerability makes possible. I want to be known, even when I’m hesitant to be seen.

What do you want? And also, what’s in the way to what you really want?

If I really stop to think about it, fear is the biggest obstacle between me and most the things I listed.

I’m afraid to be seen as less-than-pulled-together. I’m also afraid of wading uncomfortably deep into vulnerability, letting my guard down, and saying too much, or too little, or the wrong thing. I’m afraid of not being right, not having what it takes, and not being truly present. I’m afraid of the attention that comes with sharing my own needs. Afraid to admit that I struggle with self-worth somedays too. But most of all, I think I’m afraid of letting others down.

Naming the fear gives me hope that it won’t have the final say.

When I name the fear, I remember that there is only One Name to which all else will bow, and it gives me courage to embrace the uncomfortable paradox that vulnerability comes before authenticity.

I can be honest with God about what I want and what I fear.

I can practice transparency in small moments throughout the day that it’s just He and I, and this will make it easier to show up with my authentic self in my friendships.

Because the truth is that when I linger in God’s presence, I start to listen to His voice over the voice of fear. I focus less on the can’ts and more on the coulds.

What do you want?

Perhaps it’s first to lift my eyes so I can dare to hope, dream, and imagine. It’s to lift my eyes so I can see above the fear and the things that hold me back. It’s to lift my eyes so I can see the people right in front of me and the God who stands with me.

May you be brave with Him,

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