One Subtle Distinction About Gratitude Made an Important Difference
Maybe you’re like me. The word gratitude brings to mind the things for which you are thankful. The things you value or appreciate and that have been a blessing to you: the important people in your life, the help and care you have received, or the opportunities and experiences you’ve enjoyed.
Lately, though, I’ve been digging deeper, beyond the obvious, and discovering something more.
I’ve started to look at my life as a series of ‘but for’ experiences without which I wouldn’t be where or who I am now. Many of these experiences have been difficult and unwelcome at the time and yet, in the long term, they have turned out to be a source of gratitude as much as the things that have seemed ‘good’.
As I reflect on my life through the ‘but for’ lens, it looks like this—
But for months of illness and recovery from burnout, I may never have questioned the pace of my life or seen the possibility of something different.
But for carrying twins through an uncertain pregnancy, I may not have learned how to shelter in the moment, rather than being overcome by a future with no guarantees.
But for the times my life has been upended by mental illness around me, I would not have learned about the need to do my own healing work, or grow in my understanding of what it means to be emotionally healthy and whole.
But for years of caring for four young children when the demands were relentless and there just wasn’t enough support, I would not have had so many experiences of God’s presence.
The distinction may seem subtle, but it’s the important difference between being grateful for my blessings or ‘diamonds’, and being grateful for what led me to the mine and for how I’ve grown as I’ve chipped away in the dirt.
I wouldn’t be honest, though, if I didn’t also say that this ‘but for’ perspective on gratitude doesn’t come naturally or easily. Even as I write, I feel the stirrings of anxiety, not wanting to invite new hardship into my life. In fact, if I were in charge of my own story and could rewrite it, some days I would choose to skip the hard parts.
It’s a daily work to stay in the story rather than throwing my hands up in despair. It’s a daily work to hold things lightly when circumstances look to be veering off track.
As I look at the future, I need to choose a posture of trust, and remind myself that I would never have chosen the things for which I am now most grateful.
Doing so invites humility (I am not in control and I don’t know best), expands my perspective, and helps me loosen my grip on the wheel.
Blessings come in all kinds of packages. A ‘but for’ perspective unlocks more gratitude and gives me confidence as I face the future.
I need not fear, I need not be hypervigilant, and I need not wrestle for control. Instead, I can look at the many ways our circumstances (both good and hard) have been a blessing to me, and trust in the One who has it all in His care. I bring Him glory when I choose trust, and I bring Him glory when I choose gratitude.
Meet Susanne Gerstmyer
Susanne is a wife, mum to 4, trained lawyer and entrepreneur, lover of big salads, coloured pencils and the ocean.
She describes herself as an anxious over-achiever and a recovering perfectionist. Her journey has been all about learning how to relax into her life, live at a sustainable pace, and let go of what’s not really important.
Susanne works as a writer and Coach for busy mums with school aged kids who want to get out of overwhelm, and enjoy life without the stress, striving and exhaustion. Her first book, The Slow Down Solution, is due out in March 2023.
You’ll find her here, creating new things, having good conversations and sharing the ‘ah ha’ moments when things make sense.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
