Why Should You Be Thankful for the Body You Were Given?
I remember thinking all the thoughts running in my young head. If only I were smarter, prettier, trimmer, healthier, and more talented, not only would I feel worthy, but only then could I be grateful to be alive. Thankful for what God gave me. And I could be normal.
Peeling back the intricate layers of insecurity took decades to uncover.
I wasn’t remotely close to having any of those things in my world. I had given up on autopilot. My reality was much darker than I even realized at the time, but I remember feeling one word: hopeless.
See, I also grew up with scoliosis. However, my curve progressed significantly, resulting in a back brace for three years and an additional three years after that to wear at night. Constricted in a tight shell from my clavicle to my lower pelvis, breathing in became impossible, as did everything else.
Activate the darts
Emotionally and physically, I was a mess. With so many darts already thrown at me throughout my life, my back indeed wasn’t the only pain I had experienced but was the cherry on top, a constant centerpiece that fueled anxiety and depression.
By my senior year of high school, a knife-like stabbing pain reached my ribs every single day. Sitting at a desk became torture, and my heart ached every second; the clock became my sole focus, counting down the minutes and hours until the final bell rang. That was my permission slip to race home and lay in bed until dinner.
Soon, my shoulders were noticeably uneven, and I started feeling even more self-conscious about how I looked and walked. Then, the effortless motion of arms going back and forth while walking faded away. Instead, I stared at every girl that came my way, admiring in pure jealousy.
If only I could have a back like hers.
One morning before school, I woke up in disbelief. I felt paralyzed. I knew my curve was getting worse by the day between my tight neck and shoulders and the numb yet tingling sensation throughout my limbs. My arm fell out of the socket, or so it seemed, and nothing I did could relieve the unforgettable tension but time. Yet again, I was furious at God for putting me into this body, and quite frankly, life.
A glimpse of hope
At 17, my curve neared sixty degrees, which resulted in an inevitable decision. Surgery was my only option, as my compromised organs would lessen my quality of life. A moment froze in time. And I was caught in between relief and rage as tears streamed down my face.
I had a year of preparations since I had a rare bleeding disorder and lung issues, but the day finally came—my rebirth.
After a week in the hospital and many months of recovery, I finally saw the light. I felt happier and could breathe effortlessly. I couldn’t believe it.
Was this how living was supposed to feel?
I no longer felt persistent pain and pressure. Better yet, I could stand up for more than ten minutes at a time without feeling like the weight of the world was crushing my body.
It was a full-circle moment full of gratitude as I thought to myself, “Thank God for this body.”
Why may you ask?
Because even after everything I had been through, I felt sincere respect and compassion for others. While I felt everything so deeply, I knew I was a better person because of it. I recognized such beauty because I knew great sorrow. It was all for a reason. My faith was not only tested but ignited through every battle, even when silence was my coping mechanism. Even when I couldn’t see the good, I knew there had to be a better way.
I may not ever have a perfect body or spine, but it’s functioning, and I couldn’t be more thankful for uncovering strength within.
Your story may look much different than mine, but regardless of what God created you to be or what He throws, you too can overcome obstacles. What we hate most about our existence often becomes our blessings in disguise. There’s always hope for a new beginning.
Meet Kimberly Kralovic
Kimberly is a writer from Ohio and has a deep passion for encouraging women along the way. As an overcomer, she strives to touch souls with her authentic and impactful words, making others feel less alone in their journey.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
