Ella Herlihy quote about her daughter's eating disorder: "At the time, I found gratitude for little things, like when she would eat most of her meal or when she would hang out with her little brother like old times."

Thank you. A simple “thank you” would have been a start. But instead she stared blankly at the road ahead, headphones in her ears to keep me from engaging her in conversation she had no interest in.

The thirty-minute drive in traffic to the outpatient eating disorder clinic was becoming a daily drudgery. Instead of being thankful there was a place my daughter could go for treatment, I dreaded the drive each day to drop her off and the one on the way home where she clammed up and refused to tell me anything about her day.

Tears filled my eyes most days on the return trip, some of the only time I was by myself in this season. Homeschooling five children, managing carpool to classes and activities, and making meals that fit the “menu” prescribed by the experts that everyone else could eat too took up more time than I had available in my weeks.

I was exhausted, discouraged, and angry at the disease taking control of my daughter’s life and mine too. Despite all this, I knew I was never really alone. Through scripture, email devotions that felt just for me, the kindnesses of friends, God held me up and carried me through this most challenging season.

How I can be thankful for an eating disorder

As I reflect on this time from 2015, I am so thankful my daughter is now well. She takes great care of herself with skills she learned from the very treatment she hated. She regained her love of school and has a scholarship to our flagship state university.

At the time, I found gratitude for little things, like when she would eat most of her meal or when she would hang out with her little brother like old times. In retrospect, I can say I am thankful for her eating disorder and her recovery and what it taught her and our family.

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It is certainly not the ideal way to grow and learn. But it is so much easier to appreciate when you are not trudging through the valley. It is also a beautiful privilege to walk beside other moms when they are in the middle of fighting an eating disorder with their own child.

A time to look backwards

When Moses made stacks of stones in the desert, he was giving himself a visual reminder of God’s faithfulness. As we are mired in the muck of difficult circumstances, it is hard to catch our breath, much less uncover the things we can be grateful for.

This is a time to look back at the monuments we have of God’s faithfulness in our own lives. The way to know “this too shall pass” is by remembering how painful circumstances of our past are no longer painful, or at least less so.

Prayers long prayed and later answered are proof of God’s providential timing, but also his loving compassion for us, his beloved children. One of the reasons for the annual ceremonies of the Old Testament, like Passover, was to remind the Israelites of God’s provision and protection and teach the younger generation of his goodness.

Ella Herlihy in reference to the gratitude she now has for her daughter's eating disorder: "Prayers long prayed and later answered are proof of God’s providential timing, but also his loving compassion for us, his beloved children."

Instead of sweeping the memories of difficult seasons in life under the rug, I make it a habit to discuss them with our children and point out God’s hand, even in times when he seemed silent. When in a good season, instead of dreading an oncoming bad one, I use it as an opportunity to focus on all the ways God has shown up for me. I cling to the verse from Psalm 23:

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
(v. 4, NLT)

I am most grateful to never walk alone.

Meet Ella Herlihy

Being a mom to five children has given Ella Herlihy enough mistakes and victories to fuel her passion—guiding other parents along a road to raising responsible children without losing their minds in the process. She and her husband met as students in the distinguished Southwestern Advantage Sales and Leadership program.

She writes to help others learn from her many mistakes and what she has gleaned from all the books and seminars it takes to raise five children in today’s world. She is currently working on a book to encourage parents to choose to step back so their kids can move forward on the path to UnEntitled adulthood. You can find her on Facebook and Instagram @ UnEntitledParents

Where to find her . . .

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.