Are You Missing the Both/And of Spiritual Growth?
I’ve heard it often said that relationship with God is personal. And I agree, wholly. But that’s not all of it. Could it be that we miss out on the richness of the abundant life God has for us when we make faith be exclusively between God and us? Might we be missing an element integral to spiritual growth if we focus solely on the up-and-down relationship of God and us and dismiss the side-by-side relationships between us and other people?
Walk back with me a few years (OK, more like fifteen) to a season where I was the new girl walking into a new church for the first time. I’d just moved half-way across the country, leaving behind a very small Vineyard church-plant in a small college town, where I attended a school where I knew nearly everyone in the English department as well many of the international students and most of the students who lived on campus.
The church I was walking into was also a Vineyard, but to me it was unfamiliar and very large—many times larger than any church this small-town girl had ever been part of. I admit I came in late and left early the first few times. I also chickened out of going in to the young adults group the first time I arrived.
But I knew if I stayed hidden, my relationship with God would suffer. I needed community. People I could be vulnerable with and do life with and grow with. I needed to open up and let people in, because my relationship with God was personal, but it also flourished in community with people.
The rocky first few weeks of my grad school experience showed me how much I needed people. The rest of that two-year season is one of the richest of my life, and faith and community was a two-fold thread that made it so.
I was ruined in the best way—by endless hours with strains of Jason Upton, Misty Edwards, Rita Springer, Rick Pino, and the International House of Prayer livestream filling my ears, by many hours spent savoring the presence of Jesus while alone in my little campus apartment, and by the community I threw myself fully into on campus and off.
I learned that faith does not grow in a vacuum—it’s both intimately personal and grown in community with people. A flourishing faith not just about my relationship with God or my relationships with others—it’s a both/and.
The up-and-down relationship
Most of us would say we want a growth mindset. We want to grow into the best version of ourselves—the one where we are all we were meant to be, all we were created to be. But the truth is that growing spiritually is not so much about what we do but Who we are next to.
The up-and-down relationship between the God of the universe and small me who is called Beloved though I’ve done nothing to deserve it—how eternally important it is! If I want to grow to look more like Him, I have to be OK with being small and covered in His glory-shadow. I have to depend on Him as my lifeline, because that’s what He is.
Ephesians 6:10 tells me it is “through my life-union with the Lord Jesus” that I am “supernaturally infused with strength.” The beginning of the verse also keys me in to just how important this life-union is. It reads, “Now my beloved ones, I have saved these most important truths for last . . .” (TPT).
Spiritual growth is stilted when we miss the part about abiding in Christ. If I want to look more like Christ, if I want to copy His ways and learn His heart and be rooted in the truth of His infallible Word, I must spend time with Him. There is no other way.
Our side-by-side relationships
The richness of my years in grad school resulted from both my time spent alone with God and the depth of my friendships. But I want to pause here to share that showing up and letting people is opposite to the way I default. It was far more comfortable for me to only let others see the parts of my life I could curate.
I was the “good girl” whose identity had gotten a bit too wrapped up in the grades I could make, how responsible and dependable and selfless I could be, and all the things I didn’t do.
I could listen well, but not fully let others see my own mess.
I strove so hard for perfection that I lost of bit of what made me alive.
And maybe today, that’s you too. Maybe it’s your time to let it go. To let others in. To open up and let your realness show.
The ones who helped draw me out during this season of my life were many, and I will forever be thankful for each one. We leaned on each other, talked through deep questions about faith and what it means to grow into wholeness in Christ, prayed for, encouraged, and provided accountability for each other.
And I wouldn’t be who I am today with them.
Both/and leads to spiritual growth
If we look at the cross, we see how it’s two beams, but it’s also an intersection. Those two beams must cross paths, and be fastened tightly together where they intersect, to make a cross. It’s a tangible picture of how necessary are both the up-and-down relationships between God and us and the side-by-side relationships between people.
If you’re feeling stuck in the same spot, spinning your wheels but not going anywhere—not growing—maybe it’s time to embrace the both/and of spiritual growth.
Do you have a life-line connection with God? Do you have community you are growing with? What is one thing you can do today to grow in the area you are weakest?
P.S. I’m going to offer a shameless plug here for my devotional, Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. Each devotion is bite-sized and will gently nurture your growth in both your relationship with God and your relationships with your neighbors. I truly believe that community with those we live in close proximity to is has the most potential to be life-giving and life-changing. If you’d like a FREE download of the first week of devotions to check it out, sign up below. To learn more about the book, click here.
A prayer for the one seeking spiritual growth
Lord, I’ve felt too stuck for too long. If there are untruths I am believing that prevent me from growing in my relationship with You and my relationships with those around me, would you bring those to my attention? I surrender my desire to perfect and perform and curate. Would You help me to simply be real—with you and with the people You have placed in my life? Mold me and grow me Lord! In the precious and holy name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.
