Soul-Sister Friendship: What We Crave + How to Find It
Read fast through the Old Testament and it pulls you in like a movie. You follow the arch of ache as God’s people wander and break His heart over and over and over. And in the midst of nothing going right–of conspiracy and conflict, revenge and rejection–there’s this incredible picture of friendship at its best.
It’s a hopeful whisper: soul-sister friendship.
Isn’t that what we long beneath the obligatory “I’m good! How are you?” and mustered-up smiles and silent sighs?
We want something more than surfacy talk about movies and weather, car lines and school projects. More than flighty friendship that unravels over bent feelings and assumptions.
Perhaps your heart-felt prayer is not for more friends but deeper friendship.
The kind that welcomes your crying face into the chaos of the kitchen and hugs you with flour-dusted hands.
The kind that pauses and makes space, knows before you say anything, loves fiercely when it’s inconvenient, remains loyal when it’s costly.
The kind we find between two would-be rivals–a prince and God-chosen king, Jonathan and David–in the book of 1 Samuel.
Beginning of a Soul-Bonded Friendship
Remember the story of David slinging stones at a giant’s head and winning a miraculous victory for the people of Israel? Well, that same day marks the beginning of David’s soul-brother friendship with Jonathan, son of King Saul. While David is busy defeating Goliath, Saul seeks knowledge of David’s lineage. Unable to satisfy his curiosity, Saul asks David directly once he returns as unlikely champion.
Let’s pick up the story in 1 Samuel 17:58.
Saul: Who is your father, young man?
David: I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem.
By the time David had finished speaking to Saul, Saul’s son Jonathan was bound to David in friendship, and Jonathan loved David as he loved himself.
– The Voice
As the story unfolds, we discover this instant soul-bond is both strong and lasting. It’s chosen love. Sacrificial love. Undying love. Much like how Jesus loves us.
That insistent tug we feel to be deeply known and never left, to be soul-bonded in friendship, it traces all the way back to a God who loves us like that.
We long for friendships that mirror the friend we have in Christ because it runs through our veins. It’s not selfish or unrealistic to desire David-and-Jonathon sort of friendship. God wants that for us.
And He wants deep, deep friendships for us–for the people around us.
Why? Because what’s a gift to your tender heart, friend, is also a gift of Himself to a world aching to know God as
Soul Friend
Covenant Love
Selfless Sacrifice
Loyal Constancy
Unquestioning Faithfulness
Mediator
Guaranteed Peace
Weeping Grief
Constant Cheerleader
Friendship That Weeps and Protects
At every opportunity, Jonathan protects his friend. A vivid example is when Jonathan warns his friend–with courage and creativity–that indeed, his father Saul seeks David’s life.
Jonathan’s plan?
I will shoot three arrows to the side of the stone, as if I’m shooting at a target. Then I will send a boy after them, saying, “Go find the arrows.” If I tell him, “Look, the arrows are on this side of you,” then come back, for as the Eternal One lives, you are not in any danger. But if I tell the boy, “No, the arrows are beyond you,” then flee, because the Eternal has shown you that you must leave.
– 1 Samuel 20:20-22, The Voice
Jonathan shoots an arrow, then calls to his young helper, “Isn’t the arrow beyond you? Hurry! Be quick about it. Don’t hang around here!” (vs. 37-28).
But he can’t walk away with just a warning. He must say goodbye. Must acknowledge the very deep grief that bound them all the tighter.
Scripture says they both wept (v. 41).
Because this sort of friends weep together when one cries.
They hold each other through the pain.
They love even when they’re apart.
And they protect each other no matter what.
Intense, Insistent Love
It’s like God is reaching right through this soul-friendship story to whisper, I’m here, and I AM:
Nearby Protection
Eternal Guidance
Comfort in Grief
Faithful Provision
Loving Protection
Redeemer of Wrongs
Commander of Heavenly Armies
Soul Lifter
Demonstrated Goodness
True Kindness
Answer of Mercy
Threat Reliever
Fortress of Protection
Sure Hope
Safe Hiding Place
Soul’s Desire
Sender of Help
Reliable Friend
(Names unearthed as I read Psalms 23-29.)
Every page of Scripture is Spirit-breathed, nourishing, awakening, and tenderizing our hearts. Threaded through every story is an intense, insistent love that keeps coming for us. Through pictures like this remarkable friendship, God shows us who He is. In others, He shows us what He’s not.
Not flippant.
Not fickle.
Not feeble.
Not foolish.
We never have to question His motives. Never are pitted against HIm in competition. We’re never belittled or disbelieved.
Friendship That Champions Each Other
Jonathan had ample reason to view David as a competitor, yet he chooses to champion him.
In fact, he covenants with David to make David the next king in his stead. “Because he loved him as he loved himself,” we read, Jonathan “took off the robe he wore and gave it to David, and also his armour, sword, bow, and belt, symbolically transferring to David his right to ascend the throne” (1 Samuel 18:3-4, The Voice).
Could there be a more powerful depiction of competition-free friendship? Every time Jonathon protects David, he reinforces selfless, joyfully-sacrificing love.
Jonathan wants for David what could have been his. Wants it so badly he’s willing to risk his father finding out that he’s helping his friend. Willing to risk the turn of anger in his direction.
That stepping-in-between, sacrificial, championing love is rooted in God’s very own love for us. Let’s sit with that as we pray.
Dear Jesus, thank you for an example of friendship so purely reflecting the way You love us. Meet us in our desire for deeper friendships. It beats within us on purpose–for Your purpose. So we pray for soul-sister friendships in our own neighborhood. We ask for the character within us and within a friend that mirrors You like David and Jonathan did.
P.S. For my best tips on deepening your friendships, grab the free guide, “Ten Things You Might Be Doing That Keep Your Relationships Shallow.”
* I’m taking Mary Demuth’s 90-Day Bible Reading challenge (and you can too!). Sign up HERE.
** Ann Voskamp’s Sacred Prayer journal is the one I’m using, and her questions gives space to record who God is, where we are in relation to God, and more. I find it dovetails beautifully with Mary’s challenge.
Just a friend over here in your corner,
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