How to Change Your Life Through Seeing the Good
When you wish you could change your life
There were many questions I had about my dad when I was growing up. Sure, we lived in the same house and were both part of the same family of 5, but I believed that my dad and I weren’t deeply connected.
My dad worked hard for our family; often, he balanced several jobs outside of our home at once to keep our family afloat. He was a funny guy and was always telling jokes whether or not anyone wanted to hear them. He was loyal to his friends and family, sticking by them in their times of need.
You might be asking, “He sounds like a nice guy, what was the problem?”
Well, looking back into the heart of our relationship as an adult, I can clearly see that I didn’t feel known by him. My childhood eyes were looking for a warm, tender father who spoke kind words to my heart. I desired hugs and conversations.
That’s how I’m built.
That’s who I am.
That’s how my heart feels connected.
That wasn’t how my dad was built.
That’s not who he was.
For years, buying Father’s Day cards was such a chore! Those annual shopping trips were so frustrating! Nothing ever seemed to fit so I’d always settle for the most generic card I could find. Can anyone relate?
Seeing good in small moments
I grew older and began to notice the little things he would do to show himself present in my life like: money left in my glove compartment, snow and ice scraped off of the windshield, and the car all warmed up before I left for college trips. Then later, I became a mom and watched as he played with my kids and tried to connect with loud yells and tickles after they walked though his front door. He became known for offering us all manner of strange drinks and candies just to see us squirm. Have you ever tasted green bean casserole soda?
My heart toward my dad started to change. God stirred something inside and prompted me to write the words “You’re a great dad” in one of his birthday cards so I did.
Did we ever engage in a conversation about it? No.
Did he tell me how great I was in return? Nope.
I simply obeyed the prompting and trusted that no matter his response, those words might matter.
A few years later, my dad started showing signs of an illness and he shockingly passed away very quickly. I was overwhelmed with a grief that I didn’t understand. Sure, I knew that losing a parent would be difficult, but the level of grief I felt was way heavier than I expected.
One day, I found myself writing about my dad in a journal while sitting along the ocean’s edge. Each wave that came into shore seemed to also bring in with it a deep feeling of grief and loss about him. I poured out my heart onto those pages and something started to shift. I began to list all the connections that I missed, all the little moments we shared that I was grateful for. As the pages started to fill up, so did that big hole in my heart.
After years of believing that my dad and I were disconnected, my adult eyes realized something GOOD. I saw a dad who was deeply connected to me. He wasn’t perfect and he wasn’t what I expected as a child, but all those small moments shared together added up to a big connection!
What you see can change your life
Philipians 4:8 says,
. . . whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
Learning to apply this verse in my relationships has changed my life in every way. I’ve learned to think the best of my neighbors and friends, to see more lovely moments with my husband and kids, and to meditate on the truth instead of my expectations. I even authored a children’s book, That’s What Dads Are Made For, to help families identify connections already made with each other and to ask simple questions relieving any tensions that might be present.
Relationships are difficult and you might be tempted to step away from others and isolate, but I’d encourage you to pray about Phil 4:8 and ask God to help you see the good before you give up. People aren’t perfect and it will take work to live in community, but small moments shared together aren’t wasted. They add up into something big, and good, and praiseworthy.
Meet Amanda Glass
Amanda Glass is a beach-exploring, adventure-seeking, Pennsylvania native with a passion for writing children’s books. As a student of human development and a mother of three kids, Amanda knows the importance of building healthy family relationships, but she also understands it can be hard to connect. That’s why Amanda’s books are written to help get families talking and growing together. Learn more about Amanda and find her books at themadeforbooks.com.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
