The Surprising Secret to Big Growth Is Small Steps

We’re inches into the new year and armed with our resolutions—or shame that we haven’t written them yet, or kept the ones from last year. The allure of brand new is shadowed by the fear that we won’t actually change in 2024.

You dream of the version of you who meets with God early in the morning, makes room for more around her dinner table, plans neighborhood parties, engages in deep, faith-filled conversations, is often available and willingly interruptible. But then reality deflates you. You’re introverted or anxious. Honestly, a little selfish, though you hate to admit it. And definitely busy.

History would tell you nothing much changes. That you’ll always doubt yourself, default to the same patterns, repeat the same mistakes.

If that’s you peeking into the new calendar already defeated, can we sit and chat? I get how overwhelming it is to see giant steps of growth you want to take but know you’re not motivated or equipped to tackle them.

The Secret to Growth

Let’s find a spot filled with natural light and a plate of cookies. We’ll get powdered sugar on our noses because the only cookie I can’t say no to are Pfeffernüsse, even though it’s after Christmas. If you’ve never tried them, think coffee + honey + cloves + anise extract, rolled in confectioner’s sugar. I use my grandma’s recipe, reminiscent of her German roots.

I’ll wait for you to take a bite so you can think through your answer while you chew:

Where are you feeling stuck? Like so stuck you doubt there’s actually a way forward.

Next, tell me what unstuck looks like.

It’s a big gap, isn’t it, from where you are to where you want to be? May I let you in on a secret? This is what I wish I had known when I first learned about missional neighboring and thought it was too big of a stretch for an introverted girl who’d lived next to neighbors for years without ever saying hi. I’d gotten better at small talk but not over feeling super awkward in the beginning. Plus, I had no special discipleship training and was the Communication minor intimidated by her extroverted classmates.

How I wish someone had whispered this truth to me when there was a great, big gap between who I was and who I wanted to be. You don’t have to get there in one giant leap. The getting there can look like a lot of small steps in the same direction.

We put all kinds of pressure on ourselves to heal and learn and become faster. But Jennifer Dukes Lee often reminds us it’s not a race. Emily P. Freeman encourages us to focus on #thenextrightthing. Caesar Kalinowski claims that “small is big, slow is fast.”

Let’s take a closer look at what these three thought leaders have to say.

Growing Slow Quote

Jennifer Dukes Lee calls herself a “slow-growth evangelist.” I read her book, Growing Slow: Lessons on Un-Hurrying Your Heart from an Accidental Farm Girl, in the middle of writing a book proposal, and her message spoke straight to my perfectionist heart.

“You don’t have to hurry anymore,” she says. “Your pace is your pace, and it will get you to the place God has prepared for you” (pg. 12). I have her words to thank for not pulling a single all-nighter while writing, even with the hard deadline of a writing conference.

You might not be working on a book, but you’re working toward something. Waiting for something. Hoping and praying on your knees for something.

The growth that will get you whole and unstuck is a process. At times you’ll be tempted to rush it. Other times you’ll want to bypass steps that take you to uncomfortable, honest places.

Let’s heed Jennifer’s advice to embrace the journey. As she says, “When you grow slow, you grow deep.”

The Next Right Thing Quote

Cue Emily P. Freeman’s gentle, welcome advice to simply “do the next right thing in love.” We’ve listened to her podcast, read her book, and hashtagged #thenextrightthing because we need permission to focus on what’s right in front of us. It’s space to exhale and permission to be okay with not knowing everything.

Let’s hold onto her wisdom in this line from The Next Right Thing book:

When you catch a tiny glimpse of the future, be sure to not smother it with your own agenda. Let it breathe. Let it grow at a healthy pace. Admit it’s both delightful and terrifying. As you take your next right step today, trust that God won’t let you miss your own future. Follow the arrows.

pg. 60

What if we cared more about where we’re going than how fast we get there? Gave ourselves grace to walk slow and unsteady? Celebrated the wins that get swept up with the dishes and laundry and dance drop-offs? 

Small Is Big, Slow Is Fast Quote

Before we talk about Caesar Kalinowski’s book, Small Is Big, Slow Is Fast, let me first share how we met. My husband and I had been attending a missional community through our church, which is similar to a small group but far more intentional. The model was described as UP, IN, and OUT (UP being our relationship with God, IN being relationships within the community, and OUT being relationships with those not yet in the community).

In preparation for co-leading a missional community, my husband and I attended weekend intensives called Everyday Mission training. Caesar spoke live at one of these intensives, and we briefly met afterward. What we learned from Caesar and through Mike Breen’s lifeshapes (which we unpacked in workshops) became the foundation for what I now refer to as missional neighboring.

Everything you need to know about starting, leading, and multiplying missional communities is right here in Caesar’s book, Small Is Big, Slow Is Fast: Living and Leading Your Family and Community on God’s Mission. Caesar’s podcast, Everyday Disciple, is also a gold mine, and it’s been the hugest honor to join him for a few of the episodes.

Now, here’s what he has to say about slowing down: “When it comes to the kingdom of God and making disciples . . . small is big, slow is fast, and multiplication wins. Every time” (pg. 18). He continues, “It’s the little things done consistently over time that develop into habits and patterns” (pg. 18).

Let’s Talk About You

Let’s bring it back to you and that place you’re wishing you already were, the person you hoped you’d be by now. What I most want you to know is that the direction is more important than the pace. The destination casts vision and points you in the right direction, but it’s showing up and taking brave little steps forward that gets you there. Pressure’s off, friend! You don’t have to get from here to there overnight.

Here’s my prayer for you as you begin this year:

Jesus, please fill my friend with hope. Stir a God-sized dream in her that she can’t make happen on her own. Show her how you walk with her every little step of the way. Help her to not give up when it feelsl like progress is slow. Hold her tighter when she feels alone. Teach her to trust that You’re never late and always faithful.

In Your name Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Just a friend over here in your corner,

* Affiliate links are used for book mentions.

---

Missional Neighboring 101

This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Download your FREE sneak peek today! Also, get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors.

P.S. Did you know that The Uncommon Normal is also available as a podcast? Tune in to Apple Podcasts or Spotify to listen!