A Secret Ingredient
Are you one to go into a coffee shop solely for the coffee, or your fancy drink of choice, or does the array of delicious treats and enticing sandwiches call your name as well? I admit I usually go straight for that seasonal Frappuccino I’ve been waiting almost a year for without giving much thought to the other options. I really don’t go to Starbucks that often and go through seasons of forgoing the coffee altogether—except when I’m pregnant and work within walking distance of the on-campus Starbucks. I would power-walk my pregnant self through throngs of college students to wait in a long line of kids that would have been my peers ten years prior, then anxiously tap my foot, hoping these younger-than-me millennials could deliver my Frappuccino in time for me to make it back to the office before my lunch break was over.
But there was that one time that I decided to splurge and also get the Marshmallow Dream Bar, and it changed my life. Have you ever tried one? They are heavenly. The bar is so thick you have to nibble it from a corner as it otherwise wouldn’t fit in your mouth. It’s ultra marshmallowy, down to the extra un-melted marshmallows mixed in. And the texture is pure perfection. Not dry. Not too gooey. No uncoated Rice Krispies. Just perfection in a bar.
So of course I had to find a way to re-create this bar unless I was going to buy a Frappuccino and a Marshmallow Dream Bar every time I walked to Starbucks. I began perusing online recipes, googling “world’s best Rice Krispies bars” and “best ever Rice Krispies bars.” I read recipes. I read reviews. And I took notes. Melt the butter slowly. Like slower than slow. Melt the marshmallows just as slow. Steer clear of jarred marshmallow fluff and use only the actual marshmallows. A touch of vanilla. And here—wait for it—a secret ingredient. A teaspoon of milk added to the melted marshmallow goo before stirring it into the Rice Krispies.
What is a secret ingredient?
A secret ingredient is something that brings value, often in an overlooked or unexpected way. It’s something that brings the other ingredients together, and then brings the best of out of them. It may not be something flashy, exotic, or even innately needed—it may literally be a teaspoon of milk added to the melted marshmallows in Rice Krispies treats.
When I talk about starting a neighborhood missional community, most react with an internal, “Oh. That sounds nice. I’m glad you can fit that into your schedule. But I just don’t have the time or energy for such a massive commitment.” Those who put a voice to this sentiment may offer up more verbally:
- I’m involved in so much already.
- That sounds like a lot to take on as a single parent.
- My house isn’t big enough.
- It sounds complicated.
- I don’t know how to start.
- I don’t know if I’m ready to be that vulnerable.
What
if I told you there is an anecdote—a secret ingredient that could deflate the intimidating
factor right out of your questions?
And here it is: start your missional community as a co-leader, not as the sole leader.
If you are a couple, consider joining forces with another like-minded individual or couple. If you are single, consider inviting another co-leader or two to start this journey with you. No, it is by no means imperative that you have a co-leader/co-leaders before you start, but I promise you, it’s so much easier.
When we started our missional community, my husband and I teamed up with another couple we had been in community group with. Together we were discipled through a process 3DM calls a huddle (see Mike Breen’s phenomenal book Building a Discipling Culture—link is in my recommended books). We were then sent out as a team from our current missional community to launch a new missional community. Now, a couple years in, we’ve begun hosting at our new house so we could transition to a neighborhood-specific missional community.
Teaming up with co-leaders was loving advice we are beyond thankful we didn’t dismiss. As you read through the following why points, bear in mind that co-leading a missional community is extremely helpful whether or not you are a neighborhood-specific group.
Co-leading your missional community takes the pressure off.
Having co-leaders means that you have others to pray together with over the direction of the group. It means you aren’t responsible for every little decision, nor do you have to come up with all the ideas. You aren’t the only one inviting people to come check out the group. Further, you don’t have to be the jack-of-all-trades. You don’t have to take on the hosting, the babysitter finding, the discussion leading, the Bible study choosing, the potluck meal coordination, the rsvp collecting, the outreach planning, and the discipling all by yourself.
Co-leading your missional community makes it easier to get started.
The build-in support system is invaluable as well. Without others to be accountable to, dreams and goals may never actualize. Having co-leaders gives you encouragement when you are feeling discouraged and the push you may require to actually start the missional community.
Co-leading your missional community helps you think outside the box.
Because we were co-leading, we could springboard ideas off each other when a challenge arose. Here are a couple logistical things we tackled right from the get-go:
Neither of us had a perfect house for hosting a group. Our co-leaders’ house worked well for our shared potluck meal and the discussion time, when the adults delved into a Right Now Media study. There was no separate area the kids could play without interrupting our study time, however. The solution we found? Use a second, nearby house. Their neighbors had been coming to group with us for a little while and agreed let the sitter watch all the kids at their house during the second half of our gatherings.
The house we were renting at the time was even smaller. Two bedroom starter-house turned rental property small. So when our co-leaders were out of town or in the process of moving, we needed a different plan. Our solution to this challenge was to have our sitter watch the kids the entire time at our house and forgo the shared potluck meal in lieu of the adults eating at a relaxed-atmosphere, local restaurant. We simply chose a non-video-based study for this season so we could have our discussion time at the restaurant following our meal.
Co-leading your missional community multiplies your resources.
Yes, there may be an occasional week where the leaders take on some extra cost to ensure the sitter is paid fairly, there is plenty of food to go around, or the paper and plastic-ware is re-stocked. This should be the exception rather than the norm, though, if you are communicating needs well amongst your whole group.
The resources I am referring to, however, are not solely financial. Our time is a resource, as is our energy, our relational circles, and our individual faith journeys. In busy seasons, you may need to rely more heavily on your co-leader/co-leaders, or they on you. It’s also easier to grow your group when there are multiple people inviting as each leader will have different, though likely overlapping, social circles. Further, the story of how God is changing you may resonate with some in your missional community, and others may be more impacted by the life-story of another leader. Multiple leaders increase the discipleship opportunities, and maturing others through discipleship is really the goal.
OK, so how do I go about finding a co-leader/co-leaders?
- Pray, pray, pray. Take this before the Lord. It’s not up to you to figure out all the details, just to respond in obedience when he reveals it’s time take an action step. I cannot emphasize enough how necessary prayer is during every step and season of leading a missional community.
- If you are already part of a missional community, life group, small group, community group, or whichever term you use, start here. Pray for God to reveal whether there is a co-leader you are already doing life with that could join you. Also, talk with a leader of the group you attend about what is on your heart so they can pray with you about finding a co-leader/co-leaders.
- Those of you starting a neighborhood-specific missional community, it will be ideal to have a co-leader/co-leaders in your neighborhood. Pray for them, even if you have no idea yet who they will be. Focus on building relationships and living missionally in your neighborhood. As your friendships with your neighbors grow, keep your eyes and ears open for any neighbor-friends who might be on-board with your vision.
- Practice articulating your dream of a missional community or neighborhood missional community. If you can’t put to words what you envision, it will be difficult for potential co-leaders to know whether they share your passion. What will be the purpose of the missional community? What will it look like?
- Pray through each #nextrightthing as you move forward. Is it time to start talking about your vision for a missional community with someone you hope is interested in co-leading with you? Bring God with you into the conversation. Let your words be words of life, infused with hope, saturated in love, and grounded in humility.
- Bear in mind that the timeframe you picture may not be perfectly aligned yet with God’s, or that of your potential co-leader/co-leaders’. Know your vision for a missional community, but hold it with open hands.
- Finally, continue to trust that the plans God has for you are good, that where He leads He provides a way to follow, and that He loves the people you want to do life with through a missional community even more than you possibly can. Continue to abide in Him, sit at His feet and listen, and meditate on His promises. You must cultivate on the inside what you want to be visible on the outside. Let Him have His way in your life so the life you are living is worth imitating.
Friend, I am so excited you are dreaming of starting a missional community, whether right in your own neighborhood or with a different focus. I am praying for your journey, that God will bring you a co-leader or two, and that you won’t let fear hold you back any longer.
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