What Happened Right before the Bipolar Diagnosis to Protect My Heart?
During one of the worst times in my life, I experienced one of the best lessons of my life. Did you ever notice that when everything seems to be falling apart, if you can find a way to focus on God instead of your circumstances, you can see that He offers us an opportunity to trust Him?
I had just discovered that my husband was bipolar and instead of getting help, he decided to self-medicate. That choice led him to his destruction. He became an alcoholic and an emotionally toxic human being.
I had just met Jesus a week before everything in my world fell apart.
When my now ex-husband began to whirl our family through his manic and depressive cycles we began to break. Whatever is on the inside of you during such tumultuous times is what spills out. I realized that what came out of me was gratitude.
Gratitude, seriously? That doesn’t sound right, does it? All of my life I had been anxious, angry, and afraid. How was I finding anything to be positive about when my world was in chaos? The answer was Jesus!
How Jesus changed my heart
After meeting Jesus, my heart was radically transformed. The mortar of trauma and fear holding me together had crumbled, leaving behind a fresh new heart. A heart that was able to see good things even in the midst of difficulty. It was the heart that I was meant to have all along.
God never intended for me to live this way. He had purposefully given me talents and passions. These things were to be used to share God’s goodness with the world. But the lies of my childhood had laid a foundation for an anxious life filled with loss, and hopelessness.
We all grow up in this world that has fallen short, a world tainted and broken by sin. We conform to our surroundings, as moldable little vessels, as simple jars of clay. We bend. We stretch. We break.
When I asked Jesus to take the lead my life changed instantly.
Suddenly a warm joyful spirit resided in me. I was gentle and patient and able to forgive the unforgivable. I heard the comforting voice of God and I sat with eagerness at the feet of Jesus hanging on every word he spoke to me.
When I walked outside I was drawn to the splendor of a sunset, or the intricacy of tiny flowering weeds, each beautiful in its own way. I noticed that when a tree was cut down, new life sprang up from its trunk. I saw the way that flowers turned into fruit. And when I looked in the mirror I saw the image of God in my reflection.
God had transformed me from the inside out. He started with my heart and everything else followed. No matter the difficulty that lay before me I know I can trust God to walk me through it. I know He can be trusted with my broken places.
Sharing my gratitude
As if a bow was tied on top of the most lovely gift, God now chooses and uses me, to share the goodness I now see with those who need hope. I am given opportunities to share my gratitude and watch it spread like a wildfire each place that I speak life!
For me, the only proper response to God’s grace is our gratitude. We must take the time to look for the good. And when we do, I guarantee, we will find it waiting there. A gift left among the thorns of this life like the unexpected petals of a rose.
Rose petals when crushed release a pungent aroma. The crushing is what releases the oil inside. In some ways, I believe that the aroma of Christ is amplified when I am brave enough to share my crushed places.
God lets nothing go to waste, and neither should we. People need to know that we understand their pain. They need to know that we have been where they are. They need to know that gratitude is a choice they can make too. And that when they have chosen it, miraculously, the goodness of God begins to shine bright through every circumstance.
Meet Amanda Schaefer
Amanda Schaefer is an author, speaker, and podcast host. No matter what vehicle she uses to share, she is always telling stories. Amanda attended New York University, majoring in Dramatic Writing but was not a believer at the time. She would never have imagined using all of the things she learned there to create a Christian podcast.
This endeavor, the “A Cup of Gratitude” podcast, is being listened to worldwide! It has far surpassed her expectations and is now airing on Christian radio. Amanda’s goal was to provide a platform for people to share their stories and, as a result, to share God’s story. With no agenda other than finding a way to view lives through the lens of gratitude, she shares new stories weekly.
With a few new books on the horizon and some collective efforts around the bend, Amanda is ready for each opportunity she receives to share the gospel in every way that she can.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
