How to Reduce Negativity with Gratitude
Sometimes I walk in a room and notice first the haven’ts. The floor I haven’t swept (or rather, vacuumed since I prefer to vacuum the hardwood). The clutter I haven’t assigned to a kid to put away. The dropped backpacks and spilled contents that haven’t been put in their proper place. The remnants of lunchboxes that haven’t been thrown away. The sweatshirts and jackets and shoes that haven’t been tidied.
And noticing the haven’ts tinges my tone. It amplifies any tension. And it lends easily to negativity.
Do you ever find yourself here—with a resolve to reduce negativity but hung up again on the haven’ts?
Discontent.
On edge.
Overly critical.
Lacking in grace and gentle words and patience.
Some of us may know well what it means to have an inner critic insistent on pointing out our own faults. We’re hard on ourselves. Every day and all the time.
If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, a tool for bringing to light why we do the things we do, you may know this inner critic is common to Enneagram 1s. It comes in lesser measure for those of us who best understand our deep fears and motivations through a number that sits next to Enneagram 1s on the diagram (those with an Enneagram 1 wing). Regardless of how strong the inner critic is for you, if Enneagram 1 plays a role in how you see the world, you know well its pull towards negativity. It’s a constant battle.
Yet other Enneagram numbers may also find themselves struggling to reduce negativity in their lives, though for different reasons. Enneagram 4s, like one of my daughters, see the world through a lens of emotion. They are deeply empathetic and willing to sit with others through grief and other hard and heavy things. Their high capacity to feel means they feel it all—the highs and the lows. And sometimes those lows can pull them into a negative space. We’re navigating this right now with our daughter.
Perhaps you are neither of these numbers, or you don’t know your Enneagram, but you see what could go wrong without even trying to think about it, or you see overly negative people and steer clear because it drains you, or you’re in a funk yourself, and though you’re not usually negative, it’s begun creeping into all the little areas of your life.
What do we do when we can’t shake the negativity—for ourselves or for those we love?
We practice gratitude.
Yep, you read that right. We can reduce negativity by cultivating a grateful heart because gratitude changes both what we see and how we see.
Gratitude changes what we see
Gratitude may not change the circumstances of our lives, but it does change where we choose to focus our attention. As my husband wisely says, “Whatever you look for, you will find.”
Look for the messes, the muddied, the mundane, and the misunderstood. You will find aplenty.
But look for the hard-beautiful, the bittersweet-good, and the everyday-blessings. These too you will find aplenty.
Gratitude is a gentle turning of our eyes and hearts away from the things that weigh us down and toward the things that breathe life, goodness, and hope.
The more I practice gratitude, the easier I find it is to embrace Philippians 4:8. This verse lies in one of the Scripture passages I’ve been memorizing as of late, and I am pulled to the wording in The Passion Translation:
Keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him always.
I focus on the evidence of God and I see Him all around me.
Even through the hard and dark and broken.
Gratitude changes how we see
Then there is this too: Gratitude changes how I see.
How I see the sibling squalls and the unscheduled delays and things I can’t control.
How I see the news reels and hard losses and tip-your-world-upside-down diagnoses.
How I see my smallness and God’s greatness and all the things in between.
It’s a grace-lens that gratitude lends.
It dissolves negativity and replaces it with joy.
It walks me through the nevertheless to praise. Even when the hard things hit, nevertheless, my God is faithful. Even when my plans are spun off track, nevertheless, my God is in control. Even when the good around me seems scarce, my God is still good, and He is always with me.
Nevertheless is a word I found tucked into a Psalm (in The Passion Translation). It’s where, after a lengthy moan-and-groan session, David says,
Nevertheless, blessed be our God forever and ever. Amen. Faithful is our King!
Psalm 89:52 TPT
And his choice to give thanks even though nothing yet had changed, changed everything.
I spent near one year with the word nevertheless, and it’s taught me this: gratitude is not an after, but a before.
It comes before the thing gets better. Before the dawn breaks. Before the joy comes.
It leads, not follows, change—
Because it changes how I see the things that haven’t changed yet, the things that aren’t alright yet, and the haven’ts that lead to negativity.
A prayer to reduce negativity
I’d like to leave you with a prayer and an invitation to adopt it as your own.
Lord, you know how deep I’ve sunk into negativity. How I’ve focused on the haven’ts. How it’s pulled me down. You alone can lift me up, so I lift up my small praise, my small thank you, to You. I choose gratitude nevertheless. I choose gratitude in the in-betweens. I choose gratitude where good is scarce but You’re still near. I pray this in Your precious and holy name, Jesus. Amen.
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In case you missed it!
There are now gratitude-themed phone wallpapers and a printable of my favorite Psalms about gratitude (in The Passion Translation) in the FOR YOU library. Enjoy!
