Red Flags, Bonafide Wins, and Not Being Enough

I’ll be the one to say it: life actually is about racking up wins. Try as we may to reframe it, winning matters.

If Red flag! Red flag! is ping-ponging inside your head, I understand. We live in a time where everyone expects to win. Participation is on par with success, at least from the number of medals and trophies given. We reward showing up, and there’s no shame in that. Showing up takes grit. It’s worth celebrating.

But for some, that’s not enough. I get it. I’m raising an Enneagram eight daughter who thrives on challenge. She’ll push hard to win even if no one else knows it’s a race. Maybe that’s you too.

In a world where the whole lot of us are trying to convince ourselves that we matter, that we have worth, that we’ve got what it takes, it can feel like one wins at another’s expense. We win. We gloat. We come in second or fifth or last. We mope. Talk ugly to ourselves. Wallow in feeling small.

The job promotion we didn’t get.

The Pinterest-fail of a birthday party.

The mom-brain fog.

The things we’ve forgotten.

The aftermath of a conflict we didn’t handle well.

The failing grades of our kid.

We let these things get to us. Worse yet, we let them begin to define us.

That’s not who I am

Call yourself less-than-enough very many times and the name starts to stick. We announce ourselves by this name when we get defensive. Over-apologize. Stop doing the things God has called us to—like loving Him and pointing people to Jesus by loving like Him.

The way the world tells us to win gives us other names too. Like I’m-on-top and I-can-do-this-by-myself. Names that sound an awful lot like pride and push away both God and people.

Sometimes we stick so many ill-fitting name tags on our shirts we forget that, beneath the labels, God sees someone He cherishes and chooses. Someone with immeasurable beauty and worth. Someone who doesn’t need the world to tell her what she can and cannot win.

It’s time to quit letting your humanness steal your joy and distract you from God’s mission. You can’t convince God that you don’t need Him or that He can’t use you. He invites the over-achievers and the self-doubters to join the biggest adventure of all time: His mission to fill the earth with His glory and His disciples.

What winning really is

I learned something about winning when my daughter competed for a title and walked away empty-handed and full-hearted. She didn’t need applause or accolades to be quietly proud of finishing well. In my book, she won that day.

Truth is that life’s about winning and I’m guilty of getting it backward. Counting nods of approval as a win. But the benchmarks of success are not in numbers or who we beat.

✔️ We win when we do our excellent best and point the glory to God.

✔️ We win when we grow in grace, character, and godliness.

✔️ We win when we link arms, ruthlessly champion others, and build each other up.

✔️ We win when we’re okay even when no one notices.

✔️ We win when we know our worth doesn’t come from applause or human approval.

✔️ We win when we lean on God’s strength more than our own.

✔️ We win when we treat ourselves and those around us like we’ve got uncontested worth.

How to count the right wins

Life’s about winning after all, but it’s not our enoughness that gets us there.

Jennie Allen says it this way in Nothing to Prove:

Deep down, I want to be enough. I don’t want to keep needing God.

I’m realizing it’s not my curse that I believe I am not enough; it’s my sin that I keep trying to be.

All the while Jesus is saying, I want to free you from your striving, free you from your doubt, free you from your pride that cares more about achieving something than you receiving something.

I am enough.

So you don’t have to be.
p. 46

We don’t win by being the best—or enough. Neither do we win by having it all figured out, staying on top, or getting what we feel we deserve.

True wins don’t make us trust God less or need each other less. They’re not negated by someone’s else winning. These wins build bridges, not walls, knit us together not drive wedges between us.

true wins quote by Twyla Franz for The Uncommon Normal

What if we pressed pause on competing and play on winning? Stopped trying to outdo each other and instead helped each other win at the things that truly matter? What would that change in your heart, your home, your neighborhood, your city?

I may be wildly optimistic, but I know how powerful it is to link arms with others and run in the same direction. And I want that for you.

My prayer is that you will find the courage to take off the labels you’ve been wearing and let God reach down into the mess of all you’ve won and lost and show you how it doesn’t matter because He’s here.

I pray that you would dare to let people in again. Because you can’t link arms if you’re walking solo. You can’t help each other win if you won’t let anyone help you.

Lastly, I pray you find freedom in not needing to be anything more than a human tenderly loved by a great big God.

Just a friend over here in your corner,

Discover real-life ways to love those right in front of you!

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