How to Be Really Thankful, Not Just Polite
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV
It’s a scene most parents have seen more times than we can count: the meal we’ve slaved over is picked at, pushed around the plate, and left virtually untouched. With one of my kids, if it’s not pizza, he’s pretty much not eating it. Although, for some inexplicable reason, he pairs this with a deep love of salad. Go figure.
Night after night, I watch my second child choke down the requisite “I’ve tried it” bite and then ignore the rest of the food on his plate. The meals I cook are not too spicy. They’re not slimy. They’re not made with ingredients I know he’ll hate. And—except for when I get distracted by whatever book I’m reading or the herd of children that routinely thunders through my home—I’m really not a half bad cook.
He leaves his food untouched anyways.
And then—get this—as he clears his plate and heads into the kitchen to help wash the dishes, that kid turns his cheeky grin my direction and says, “Thanks for dinner, Mom.”
It gets me every time.
And I know—I know—that stinker is just being polite. He’s not really thankful. If I’d served pizza, he would be thankful, for real thankful. But he’s not thankful for the meal he barely tasted.
I still love to hear it.
Sometimes “thank you”is a struggle to say
And it makes me think of the many spiritual meals God has served me that have made me turn up my nose in disgust.
There was the time I found out I was surprise! pregnant and my husband was deploying. And there was the time I was surprise! pregnant again…and my husband was deploying (again) . . . and then it was twins. And there was the time I was surprise! pregnant again . . . but by that time I’d learned to appreciate a little more the surprise gifts God kept giving us . . . and then I miscarried.
There was the time our home was destroyed by a category five hurricane. And the time we got to live in an RV for a year and a half (with five kids and three pets). And the time it took another year and a half to actually sell that RV (possibly because we’d lived in it with five kids and three pets for a year and a half).
Sometimes it feels like God is putting a steaming plateful of slop before us and saying, “Eat up!” It seems like He’s trying to poison us. Or that He’s just really bad at His job of celestial circumstantial cook.
So I have to pause and ask myself, does God love me any less than I love my picky second son? No.
Then what He’s giving me isn’t inedible or poisonous. Whatever He did, unseen, in the kitchen of heaven is well prepared and intended for my good. It’s not a rock intended to choke me, but bread to fill my stomach. It’s not a snake that will bite me, but fish to energize me and to strengthen my spiritual muscles (Matthew 7:9-10).
In my son’s world, if I really loved him, I’d feed him pizza every night. But we know as parents that that’s not true. Nightly pizza means stunted growth. If we want to grow, we need a well-balanced diet. And sometimes that means consuming foods that aren’t that enjoyable.
If I remember this while considering the unwanted circumstances God has deemed good to provide, the questions I ask begin to change.
Instead of: why would God do this? What was He thinking? Does God even love me? I can ask: what spiritual vitamins and minerals does He intend to nourish and revitalize me through this experience? What do I gain by choking down more than just the requisite “I tried it” bite? How can I taste and see more fully His goodness? How can I eat and drink of His body and blood that He offered me at such great cost to Himself? If God has told me to “Give thanks in all circumstances,” what is it that I can find in this situation for which I can say thank you?
Polite thank you’s still move us towards gratitude
Because here’s the thing: He understands when we’re struggling to say, “Thank you.” He’s walked the pain and suffering, grief and loss. He’s asked to have the cup taken away if at all possible (Luke 22:42). He knows what it’s like to not enjoy the taste of what has been given. And He knows the importance of drinking the cup anyway.
He also knows when we’re saying “Thank you” out of duty . . . when our hearts aren’t really in it. And He still loves us for the attempt. He loves the heart that wants to obey in thankfulness even when we’re struggling to find joy in what He’s given us.
And, lastly, He will continue giving us what we need—instead of what we mistakenly want—in spite of our sour faces and grudging thanks—because He loves us. He loves us—not our gratitude or our good attitudes or our adventurous spirits or our ability to trust Him—He loves us. And that is something worth being thankful for.
Meet Marian Frizzell
Marian Frizzell entertains herself by bopping from one side of the US to the other with her military husband and their myriad military children. When she’s not unpacking the five hundred boxes of books she insists on owning, she homeschools aforementioned children (making sure to teach them about the country where she grew up), writes books she hopes will one day get published (and keeps up a blog), goes running to maintain her sanity (what’s left of it), and strives to encourage those around her (making them laugh is a bonus). She loves Jesus and wants to reflect His light.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
