The Paradox of Rest

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I pushed aside the groggy, swung my feet over the side of bed, and slipped out of the warmth. After all, I had beat my alarm awake, turned it off before it called me to rise. I was here, early, showing up because the before-light silence to read my Bible and write, if forfeited, might not be regained until there was another full rotation around the sun.

The swirl of my thoughts landed on rest. It’s my favorite of Mike Breen’s lifeshapes from his book Building a Discipling Culture. The image of a pendulum swinging between fruitfulness/work and abiding/rest has challenged me to the core when I hyper-focus on doing, and what I am getting done, and how well I’ve done it, and how fast I did it. It has also been like a whisper of trusted, faithful friend, inviting me to a life of being instead of striving, abundance instead of stress, focusing on people rather than rather than tasks.

It’s a paradox, a gentle one—and an earth-shattering one. I am more fruitful when I take time to rest, and rest well. The Passion Translation puts it this way: “I am the sprouting vine and you’re my branches. As you live in union with me as your source, fruitfulness will stream from within you—but when you live separated from me you are powerless” (John 15:5). I abide when I choose Christ as my source, carving into the busyness intentional time for with-him and activities that breathe life into my soul. A pendulum naturally swings back and forth; I return, again and again, to rest, and then out of my rest I work. I don’t rest just when I feel I have worked hard enough to deserve it. I rest, and the work that flows from a deep knowing of whose name I bear is more sated, more life-giving, more fruitful.

So I etched words onto my iPhone screen, my sleepy brain struggling to the communicate to Instagram and Facebook the words I’ve been trying to live into.

Rest unlocks healthy growth.

Do you rest only when you feel you have worked hard enough to earn it,

Or do you slow down,

Savor what is life-giving for you,

And then work from that place of renewed energy and peace?

We are better spouses, moms, dads, leaders, co-workers, and neighbors when we take time to rest.

I hit done, the last of the steps in posting content. And then the real struggle began. How can I write of rest if I am not willing to rest too? Will I rest even when it costs?

I crawled back in bed that morning, the first in a long time that I have not risen for the day with the ring of my alarm. An extra 45 minutes of sleep touched that place within me that had been struggling to keep the sharpness out of my voice and my patience present. I may not have gotten to write as long as I intended to that morning, but I did find a little time before I went to bed to let my fingers respond to the words forming in my mind.

How hard it is sometimes to remember that the God who gently nudges me is faithful, and good, and knows better than me. Even if I hadn’t found more time to write that day, He knew what I needed more was rest. He knows that the well-rested version of me finds it easier to listen and is quicker to respond to His whisper. The sound of His voice becomes like the lull of a mother tongue—beautiful, familiar, healing. It reminds me who I am—whose I am. But I need to slow down to be able to hear it.

Identity is rooted in belief. This knowing who I am—whose I am—it needs to traverse the distance from head to heart within me to become believing. Knowledge is truth that sets me free, but I need to believe that truth to step through the door that is open before me. He is my Abba Father. And I am his. His child. His beloved. Adopted. Chosen. Covered in his righteousness. His image-bearer. Purposed for praise. Created to worship. The recipient of his lavish love. Able to give because I have first abundantly received.

Have you been here before, at the threshold of a choice between working for God and working with him? I have. When I am busy and rushed, I get distracted from my purpose of loving God and loving people because I am first loved. I need rest because I need to slow down to remember whose name is stamped on my heart so I love because I am loved not so that I can earn love.

The rested me who is learning to abide in Christ is more present than the me who puts doing ahead of being. The me who is at rest in my identity as a beloved child of God is a better listener, a more self-less giver, and a more others-focused neighbor. Consequentially, I find I lean more naturally into a lifestyle of discipleship when I rest well; an open and tender heart better receives the guidance and discipleship I receive, and I must be filled to pour out. I am a better wife, mother, friend, and neighbor when I rest because I am more capable of investing in the people I do life with.

Though I know in my head that rest is vital, practically employing it in my life takes practice and intentionality. Here are some ways I am learning to prioritize rest:

1. I leave something undone. If you suffer from similar perfectionist tendencies like I do, this is a whole lot harder than it sounds like it is. I choose to not sweep the floor before I go to bed tonight because there isn’t time to read a chapter of my book, leave the kitchen and floor spotless, and still get the hours of sleep before morning that my body needs. Or I leave unwashed dishes in the sink on occasion until the next meal because the dishwasher needs cleared first, and I will keep adding to the list until there is no time to take a breather.
2. I choose to rest in a space that is already tidy rather than one that will remind me that I’ve left something undone. This may mean taking my book outside to the front yard if I’m choosing to read first and wash the dishes from breakfast later or writing at the big farm table because we don’t routinely leave anything sitting out on it.
3. I choose life-giving rest over simply checking-out. For me, this often means a book over Netflix, being outside over chilling on the couch, a good conversation over alone time, and writing over napping. You know you best. When you find something that fills you fuller, add it to your list of life-giving activities.
4. I worship, even while I am doing other things. Raw worship helps me feel, and therefore remember, that God is near. My perspective shifts away from me to Him, and I can find a place of intimate rest within my heart even if I am still working simultaneously on other tasks.
5. I intentionally ignore my phone sometimes. I control my phone, and my apps, and when I respond to messages. My default is to let a phone call go through to voice mail and return it when I can, or when I know it will be quiet enough to actually hear the person on the other end of the phone. I don’t feel the need to respond immediately to non-urgent matters.
6. I’ve started reading a printed Bible instead of reading through an app. I recently purchased the CBS She Reads Truth Bible; its lovely design and ample room to write made it an easy choice to start reading a printed Bible again instead of primarily reading through Bible and devotional apps. It slows me down, and I feel more grounded and connected to what I am reading.
7. I ask for help—with getting the kids in bed, setting and clearing the table, picking up kid toys and putting kid laundry away. I may be able to do it all, but should I always do it all? Working together as a team with the rest of my family creates a little margin to be able to rest.
8. I stick to my exercise routine, and that includes built-in rest days. The intensity of tabatas clears my head, and I feel more energized and awake the rest of the day. The rest days are equally important—they make the exercise days more effective, but they also remind me to not get too caught up in results I can measure.
9. I drink tea. I feel like I am becoming my mother, or at least appreciating her love of tea. I prefer to sip it pipping hot though, because it helps me slow down and ponder. It’s like margin inside my brain—white space—and even a few minutes revives me.
10. I turn on podcasts when I am showering or folding laundry. There are so many great ones, but I find I come back most often to MacKenzie Koppa’s Cultivating the Lovely, Emily P Freeman’s The Next Right Thing, Sally Clarkson’s At Home with Sally, Annie F Downs’ Enneasummer 2019 series on That Sounds Fun, Caesar Kalinowski’s Lifeschool Podcast, Suzanne Stabile’s The Enneagram Journey, and Love Thy Neighbor’s The Enneacast. I learn so many new things, and learning sparks my creativity and helps the words flow more smoothly when I sit down to write. For me, a break from kid chatter to grow and challenge my mind is life-giving, and I feel most alive when I am doing something that needs a spark of creativity.
11. I write. For me, writing again—after not writing consistently for over ten years post-grad school–really feels like waking up. I’m learning how important it is for Enneagram 9s to pursue something that makes them feel alive. Writing does this for me.
12. I read good books. When I find one that is hard to put down, it’s easier to find cracks of time to read a few pages. I am soaking up all I can of Ann Voskamp and Emily P. Freeman’s The Next Right Thing is worth savoring as well. Rather than reading books one at a time, I’ve been keeping several close so I can vacillate between them, depending on my mood.
13. I eat what is life-giving for my body. It started with a short stint of eating keto, and then I began to pay more attention to how what I ate made me feel. My head is clearer and I have much more energy throughout the day when I stay away from gluten and sugar. My body actually seems to require less sleep than before I made changes to my diet. Saying no to food that drains me and yet to what gives life and good nourishment to my body becomes easier the more in tune I am to how by body responds to food.
14. I invest in relationships, challenging myself to be open and vulnerable. Leaning into missional living in our neighborhood impacts the way I approach other friendships as well. I want to listen well to my Father, respond quickly to his promptings, and live with my heart and arms wide open. Relationships matter more than anything else; giving them that priority rights the position of my heart, and I am more at rest.
15. I remember Ann Voskamp’s words, that “eucharisteo—thanksgiving—always proceeds the miracle” (One Thousand Gifts, 35). Starting with thanksgiving changes everything because it changes my perspective—it gives me fresh eyes to see what it right in front of me that I so easily take for granted or fail to see. When I start with thanksgiving, I give it space to breath life into my day.

Sweet heart, I see that weariness sometimes overtakes you and you long to find true rest. May we pray for a moment together?

Here we are before you, Lord, hands open, leaning in. Let us hear the whisper of your heart, feel the breath of the words as you say our name, call us your own. You, our creator, know us best. Would you guide us gently into your rest? May we say yes to what gives life and leave behind the rest. May we not only know, but believe, what you say about who we are. May we leave behind lives of doing and learn to first be. Amen.

Breen, Mike and the 3DM Team. Building a Discipling Culture: How to Release a Missional Movement by Discipling People Like Jesus Did. Mike Breen, 2001. Digital.

Voskamp, Ann. One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Alive Right Where You Are. Zondervan, 2010.

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