It had been an intense season. Not always difficult or painful, but especially challenging and emotionally exhausting. And it seemed every high moment was countered with a profound low.

In 2013, our 18-year-old son left for the army and it was much harder than I’d anticipated. He was our only child and we’d homeschooled him much of his education, so we’re really close. In fact, he and I graduated with our associates degrees together just weeks before he shipped out.

Not a year later, my husband—a paramedic—had a seizure while on duty. As if that weren’t frightening enough, each scan and MRI returned an even scarier report. A mass on his brain, the size of a peanut. Then a peach pit. And finally, the size of the palm of his hand.

Inoperable.

A biopsy, six months of radiation, a year of chemo.

The tumor remains, as does the cognitive impairment left by the biopsy—slower thinking, difficulty finding his words, and an inability to process steps and problem-solve. Though he has improved, the impairment continues to render him unable to return to work.

An unexpectedly significant year

In 2018, I was offered a position as the Director of Tourism for Mineral Wells, the neighboring small town we loved. I’d spent the last seven years as the executive director for a ministry serving the town. To take the job, I’d have to lay down both that position and another ministry I’d started less than a year prior. Still, my husband and I prayerfully agreed this was God’s leading. The decision was both sorrowful and exciting.

We then began the two-year process of completely remodeling the home we’d lived in for 15 years so we could sell and move to Mineral Wells. Within 12 hours we had an over-ask offer, and within 24 hours we were under contract. The house sold for considerably more than we expected and that was before the real estate market exploded.

The night before closing on that house, as we were hauling the last load from the house, my mother-in-law passed away. Alzheimer’s. The last few years had been hard as we watched her body shrink and her mind leave us. Saying goodbye was bittersweet.

As I said at the beginning, it had been an intense season. By 2020, we were weary and heartbroken and at the same time, excited to see what God had planned for this new season in our life.

This was the year I turned 44. And while that isn’t traditionally considered a significant year, it was for me. You see, God talks to me in funny ways. Through scripture, yes, but also through nature, songs, colors, numbers. All the time and in all the ways.

It’s all about the numbers

Aside from my age (which I never seem to know) I kept seeing the number four. Eventually, a little research into the biblical significance of the number led me to discover something fascinating. In all the Bible, there is only one verse that is repeated word-for-word, four times.

Catch your attention?

Yeah, mine too.

In Psalm 107, verses 8, 15, 21, and 31 all say exactly the same thing, “So lift up your hands and thank God for His marvelous kindness and for all His miracles of mercy for those He loves.”

Immediately, I knew God was inviting me to pursue a life of gratitude. Now, whenever fours catch my attention, like 4:44 on the clock, I take a moment to thank Him for whatever comes to mind—out loud and with hands raised, if I’m alone. Since then, gratitude has become so embedded into my spirit that at random times, I tear up overwhelmed by His goodness.

The next year, God taught me to slow down and practice stillness. I don’t think I could have done that without first learning to live from a place of gratefulness. And now, in those moments when my heart is most still, I’m overcome with gratitude for the stillness. At times, it seems so silly, but I wouldn’t change a moment of it.

This year, I’m 46. God is teaching me to love the silly, funny whims of my heart. I’m sure there’ll be tears for that too.

Meet Rose Jordan

Where to find her . . .

• Website
• YouTube
• Facebook Page
• Facebook Group
• Instagram

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.