Neighborhood Missional Living When My Neighbors Are NOT Interested

This post is part of the “Obstacles to Neighborhood Missional Living” series, and it is available on both the blog and podcast. To view all the topics in the series, including where to read or listen to the other posts/episodes, click here.

This series, Obstacles to Neighborhood Missional Living, was spurred from a desire to reach into the crevices and shed hope, light, and truth on that reason that for you keeps you from connecting with your neighbors in meaningful and life-giving ways. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that a scary and invisible virus would be closing us inside our own homes, nulling proximity even in neighborhoods, by the time I would write this piece. So I struggle with whether it is still relevant, whether it best serves you, the reader or listener, in the current life we are trying to right our hearts and minds within. But in all earnestness, I believe that when we are ripped of the option of in-person community in our neighborhoods as in times like this, it peels back the layers so we can more clearly see how much we hope for, long for, and need community. So please bear with me as we unpack how we can live missionally in our neighborhoods when our neighbors are NOT interested, because while doing life with our neighbors currently has to take on some creative initiatives, we need community near us now more than ever before.

Perhaps we should begin by defining what neighborhood missional living actually means. Underlying every descriptor I can use to paint a picture for you is single word—small, but potent. That word is open. When we choose to posture our hearts as open to the Father, we accept the grace to walk in humility. To imperfectly lean into His Word, His whispered words, His work in our life. We crack open our hearts so His Spirit can saturate within. We let His sweet Spirit linger like a fragrant aroma. We want to learn from Him, so we let Him lead us, even when we don’t see the whole path before us. Open looks like trusting His character, His goodness, and the treasure of His presence even through seasons of chaos and uncertainty—even through this unusual season of social isolation.

Neighborhood missional living is posturing ourselves as open to God, but it is concurrently choosing open as the stance of our hearts, schedules, and homes to our neighbors. It involves intentional focusing on our neighbors because we can’t value them well if we barely notice them. Being open towards our neighbors, then, begins with our eyes, as our vision paves the path our feet will take. So we take notice, and then continue, one baby step at a time, towards letting the work God is doing in our lives spill out into our interactions and conversations as we lean into doing life with our neighbors throughout the week.

Here is the definition I have posted on the blog:

I have a hunch that once life can return to what we know as normal, we will be seeking out community with those we live near like a breath of fresh air. In the meantime, let’s take comfort in the ways we can still cultivate community and intention to live on mission in our neighborhood, albeit in creative ways that cater to the social distance we must maintain. I invite you to walk with me through some truths you can hold onto both today and when tomorrow dawns as you lean into loving that neighbor who seems unreceptive to your efforts to connect.

1) Missional living is about surrender not control.

We may need to release our idea of time tables and simply show up and love genuinely. Rather than trying to figure out the sequence and timing of all the steps, perhaps we could ask “What’s next, Lord?” as Caesar Kalinowski has long encouraged those he teaches and disciples to do.

Living with an open heart towards our neighbors right now may look like sending a text, message, or note to a neighbor to ask if there is any food, supply, or prescription you can pick up for them. These efforts may feel so small as to be swallowed by the enormity of what we are facing, but the small things can be immeasurably meaningful when we feel isolated and are battling constantly with our fear.

In pleasanter times, still think small. How might that neighbor feel loved best and with no strings attached? Perhaps it is respecting a preference even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Perhaps it is the tone of your voice whenever you greet them. Perhaps it is doing something unexpected that will make their life easier, and not asking for or expecting thanks. Perhaps it is talking positively of them to others. Perhaps it is as simple as accepting that they see, feel, and hear differently than you, and therefore they have unique strengths, insights, and skills to offer.

We surrender our expectations of how our efforts to love well are received, surrender our need for recognition or praise or thanks, and surrender the misplaced belief that anything we do earns our standing before our King. The ups and downs and eb and flow of missional living is not for us to control, but to release to the One who truly is in control, trusting that being faithful in the small “what’s next?” steps will make a difference.

2) Loving our even disinterested neighbors well means not pushing words ahead of relationship.

Words have their place. We are urged in 1 Peter 3:15-16a to “ . . . give reverent honor in your hearts to the Anointed One and treat him as the holy Master of your lives. And if anyone asks about the hope living within you, always be ready to explain your faith ¹⁶ with gentleness and respect” (TPT version). Words can give glory as we present God as the hero of our imperfect efforts to look and live and love more like our infinitely perfect God. Yet I caution against efforts to share through words about the hope in you without even getting to know your neighbors. As I wrote in “When to Share Our Faith with Words,” words spoken from a distance rarely feel gentle or grace-imbued. Your intention to speak in love may be lost because there is not already a relationship established.

Rather than focusing predominantly on words, look for opportunities to affirm your neighbor’s value through including them in informal things you are already doing. As Ben Connelly and Bob Roberts Jr. write in A Field Guide to Everyday Mission, “Inviting people into our lives is harder than inviting people to church or an event. It takes vulnerability, generosity, and hospitality” (156). So let’s honor our neighbors through invitations to join us in everyday life—grill-outs in the front or back yard, ordinary family dinners, projects we are working on that they may have expertise in, Super Bowl parties, or collaborative efforts to serve and love on someone in the neighborhood. Even an invitation to join you in conversation over a topic that interests them is a great starting point. Seek to serve, to value, and to build relationships.

3) Neighbors you appear to have little in common with can become friends you wouldn’t want to live without.

Living missionally in your neighborhood changes your worldview in that you see purpose in where you live, purpose in the routine things of life throughout your week, purpose in the conversations you engage in with your neighbors, purpose in the play. You are a disciple of Christ commissioned to be a disciple-maker. The way you lean into Christ, get up and keep running after Him even when you lose focus, and let His joy and peace pervade your demeanor declare to your neighbors that God is both good and present. God is further glorified when we build bridges not walls, celebrate differences and beautiful strengths, and come together in unity.

Within your neighborhood may be young families with kids who could become adopted grandchildren, a single and lonely individual who may simply need relationships and would welcome learning skills you have taken years to grow, and someone with decades of wisdom but no ears waiting to listen. We are better together as a community of neighbors because we are different. I wrote more about this in “When Age Difference Bring Us Together” on the blog and through the lends of different Enneagram types in a guest post for Relevant.com. You may find “Enneaneighboring: Forming Community in My Neighborhood Out of Different Types of Normal” on the Featured On page on the blog.

As we close today, I would like to recap the three truths we’ve discussed.

I pray that these would bring freedom and help you to lean both into Jesus and ways you can live missionally in your neighborhood:

• Missional living is about surrender not control.
• Loving our even disinterested neighbors well means not pushing words ahead of relationship.
• Neighbors you appear to have little in common with can become friends you wouldn’t want to live without.

Would you join me in prayer?

Jesus, You are with us. Your presence is both hope and light. Would You light our way through this pandemic?

We need You in ways we may have been reluctant to admit to ourselves. May Your Word and Your promises sink deep, root ever deeper, so we are grounded in You, able to weather the swirl of news updates and restrictions closing us in on all sides?

May we live with hearts open to You and open to our neighbors.

May we learn rhythms now of missional living, even though our current reality is that most of our communication will be virtual?

May we have abundant grace for the neighbors not yet interested in doing life with us.

Teach us to love for no other reason than because You loved us first.

In Your holy and precious name, Jesus, we pray. Amen.

Connelly, Ben and Bob Roberts Jr. A Field Guide for Everyday Mission: 30 Days and 101 Ways to Demonstrate the Gospel. Moody, 2014.

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