How to Neighbor Well as an Enneagram 9: Enneaneighboring Summer Series

You might be an Enneagram 9 if

• You want to keep everyone happy.
• Conflict of any kind makes you squirm.
• Almost nothing is more important to you than keeping the peace.
• You often say things like “It’s up to you!” and “Your call!”
• You’ve got a knack for seeing all sides of the story at the same time.
• You get distracted easily. Especially when cleaning.
• You are calm, gentle, and patient—unless you’re pushed too far.
• You can be simultaneously passive and stubborn.
• You need a creative outlet to be excited about life.
• You wander in circles when you explain something.
• You rarely assert yourself.
• You resent feeling pressured to make a decision on the spot.
• You often see yourself as less important than everyone else.
• You are slow to get going, but once you start, you’re unstoppable.
• You’d rather text than take a phone call.
• You say “thank you” a lot. Maybe too often.
• You’ve “just gone through the motions” for at least a season of your life.
• You’re about all things cozy.

If you’ve been following the series and know you’re a nine, thank you for your patience. I know you’re used to going last, so let’s dive right in with something I’ve been dying to tell you:

God doesn’t look at you last. He doesn’t overlook you. He’s wild about you.

You don’t have to be an ounce louder, prettier, or successful to garner His attention. He dotes on you, hangs onto your every word.

He sees you when you’ve retreated to your comfort zone.

He sees you when you can’t stay on task.

He sees you when you can’t will yourself to be brave.

He sees you when the words won’t come in time.

He sees you when you try to jump into a conversation but no one notices.

He sees you when you put others first.

He sees you when you try on your own to keep the peace.

And His heart breaks for you when you dismiss the value of your own voice, put yourself down, call insignificant who He created with care.

Today we’re talking about the names you’ve called yourself, and what God names you instead: Beautiful, Beloved, His.

We’re talking about the walls you hide behind, and what it takes to step out of your shell, show up for your life, be truly present with your people.

We’re talking about what you avoid, and what makes you come alive.

We’re talking about all the things you can think about at the same time. How they’re all related. How they make your stories long.

Sometimes you know everyone else’s story, but few know yours. Sometimes you comfort others who are hurting but keep quiet about your own mess. Sometimes you ignore what you’re not ready yet to face.

I get it. Truly I do—because I too am a nine on the Enneagram.

When you read The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile and the chapter for 9s seemed written just for you, you know. You also know when you read Lysa’s Terkeurst’s The Best Yes and can tell from the first chapter that Lysa is a 9 (she is).

Let’s back up for a moment in case I lost you. If you have no idea what this Enneagram thing is, it’s a way to help you understand how you’re wired. On the surface, it may appear to be another personality profiling system, but it’s a whole lot more. I promise.

The biggest difference is that it doesn’t put you in a box, it helps you grow in ways counter to how you default. In other words, the Enneagram encourages you to get out of the box. Get whole. Get healthy. Become the best, beautifully alive version, Christ-imitating version of yourself.

Plus, learning about the different numbers causes you to focus less on yourself and more on loving the people around you well. Win-win.

Now, let’s get back to you, Enneagram 9.

10 Things to love about Enneagram 9s

1. She is easy-going, kind, and supportive.
2. She is a peace-maker at heart.
3. She is open-minded and welcoming.
4. She serves others without complaining.
5. She is patient and gentle.
6. She can see multiple perspectives (simultaneously)
7. She believes in you, fiercely.
8. She is a great listener.
9. She seeks deep connection.
10. She is happy to compromise.

10 Ways to love your neighbors well as an Enneagram 9

1. Help neighbors find common ground amidst their differences.
2. Show up. Be present. Let yourself be known.
3. Intentionally be interruptible.
4. Let go of your preference to curate your appearance.
5. Invite a neighbor to step inside, even if your house is a mess.
6. Speak up. Your voice matters.
7. Ask for help. Your pride won’t like it, but it will help you let others in.
8. Choose your habits wisely.
9. Weigh your yeses and your nos, and sometimes step outside your comfort zone.
10. Start small. Take baby steps. They will add up.

10 Ways to better love your Enneagram 9 neighbor

1. Be an active listener. She needs to know you’re not tuning her out.
2. Ask her what you can help her with, and then do it promptly.
3. Be clear and gentle with your words.
4. Encourage her to find something she’s passionate about.
5. Remind her to treat herself kindly too.
6. Accept that to her, it’s all connected.
7. Spend quality time connecting with her.
8. Don’t wait for her to ask.
9. Affirm her brave yeses.
10. Engage her in deeper conversation.

Enneagram nine, the peace you long for isn’t a perfect scenario, it’s a perfect Person—and it’s found when you’re right next to Him. He is your best yes.

He’s your best yes when you’re hesitant to use your voice, open your door, open up your life.

He’s your best yes when it feels like it’s all on your shoulders.

He’s your best yes when it feels like you have to top your last, best work.

He’s your best yes when deeper connection means facing conflict.

He’s your best yes when you feel unimportant, overlooked, insignificant.

He’s your best yes when you feel overwhelmed, unsure, disappointed.

He’s the answer to the beginning, the end, and the whole way through.

And He’s making a way through your hesitations and reservations to your heart. That’s what He’s after—your heart, your whole heart.

You can turn off autopilot and turn to Him. He is always, always ready to be found.

My friend, I invite you to find somewhere cozy and spend a few minutes talking through the following questions with God.

Reflection questions for Enneagram 9s

1. Do you believe God values your voice?
2. Where is resentment stealing your joy?
3. Where is pride keeping you quiet?
4. What uncomfortable yes have you been avoiding?
5. Where do you turn when life feels loud?

Just a friend over here in your corner,

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