How to Neighbor Well as an Enneagram 8: Enneaneighboring Summer Series

You might be an Enneagram 8 if

• You see in black and white.
• You tell the truth no matter the consequences.
• You thrive on challenge.
• You are undeterred by conflict.
• You don’t let anyone beat you.
• You push yourself harder than anyone else does.
• You expect others to have high standards too.
• You don’t like change.
• You can come across as intense.
• You advocate for the underdog.
• You possess strong leadership qualities.
• Your temper flares and cools quickly.
• You are task-oriented.
• Showing emotion makes you feel vulnerable.
• You never want to appear weak or be disrespected.
• You need to know it’s under control.
• You know exactly what you want.
• You want to make your own decisions.

Maybe you’d rather not let anyone else see the pieces of your life that you feel are out of control.

Being in the hotspot, with your failings, faults, and flaws in plain sight is not your idea of a good time.

You like to protect others. And yourself.

Be the strong one. Avoid being hurt. Have the final say.

I get it. I’m not an Enneagram 8, but I married one, and then I birthed one. And I could talk all day about how Enneagram insight helps us communicate better. Love each other better. And certainly, understand each other better.

The Enneagram grows our curiosity, helps highlight the nuances, motivations, and emotions of others that we didn’t realize we were missing.

It helps us make people a priority.

It sands our rough edges and encourages us to imitate Christ so that others can imitate Him through us.

Dear Enneagram eight, let’s just spell it out straight: Naming your weakness only makes you stronger. Letting down your guard helps others feel close to you.

Truth is, that’s where we’re heading today. We’re talking real about your endless energy and self-initiative. We’re talking real about your bent towards justice, and how that reflects God’s heart. We’re talking real about how the people you love best sometimes get the worst of you.

We’re talking about your drive and your passion, your work ethic and your exemplary character.

We’re talking about the high bar you set for yourself, and for the rest of us.

We’re talking, too, about the walls you build to self-protect.

Sometimes you retreat before you can be hurt. Sometimes you trust only yourself. Sometimes you control what’s left when your choice is taken away.

This is what I want you to hold onto today: It’s not all up to you. You can let go. You can fall forward into grace, soak in grace so you can freely extend grace.

It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.

It’s okay to need other people sometimes.

It’s okay to need God’s strength when you are weak.

God is the ultimate protector. The one we can always trust. The one who uses us for kingdom work because of our weakness, not in spite of it.

10 Things to love about Enneagram 8s

1. She is a charismatic, confident leader.
2. She inspires you with her passion and focus.
3. She has a soft spot for those who can’t protect themselves.
4. She pushes you to be better.
5. You don’t have to guess what she’s thinking.
6. She’s rather you speak up than simply agree with her.
7. She is brave, bold, and decisive.
8. She is all in wherever she chooses to show up.
9. She doesn’t run out of energy.
10. She works hard without complaining.

10 Ways to love your neighbors well as an Enneagram 8

1. Use your influence to make your neighborhood better.
2. Share your heart for justice and invite neighbors to take action too.
3. Look for the underdog nearest you and befriend him or her.
4. Lead to bless, not impress or control.
5. Choose to open up even when you want to pull away.
6. Push against your grain by asking for help from a neighbor.
7. Mirror to your neighbors God’s merciful heart.
8. Bravely face where you tend to fall into a rut so you can grow.
9. Build friendships instead of walls.
10. Be quick to forgive—and quick to ask for forgiveness.

10. Ways to better love your Enneagram 8 neighbor

1. Don’t break her trust. It will be really hard for her to trust you again.
2. Use clear, direct communication. She just wants the bullet points.
3. Respect her with your words, tone, expression, and actions.
4. Refrain from telling her what to do.
5. Join her in her advocacy for justice.
6. Encourage her to lean on others.
7. Give her grace when change unsettles her.
8. Gently draw out the feelings she’d rather keep under wraps.
9. Verbalize what you need from her. She can’t read your mind.
10. Affirm her leadership giftings.

Enneagram eight, God is strong—so you don’t have to be. He’s in control—so you don’t have to be. He is perfect—so you don’t have to be.

God’s not wowed by what you can achieve. He’s not impressed with what you’ve done or the title you’ve earned for yourself.

But He is moved when you move towards Him. He cherishes the sound of your voice, the turn of your attention, your stilling to be present in His presence.

You’ll find true strength only when you can admit that you’re weak. That you need Him. That you need the people around you.

You might fear betrayal—but there’s no risk in trusting God. And when He’s got your back, you can face the risk with other people.

Yes, growing deep roots in your neighborhood community can feel risky. I’m not going to tell you it won’t be hard. But it’s rich and life-giving to know and be known, love and be loved. And you don’t like it to be too easy anyways, right?!

Before you leave, I invite you to find somewhere quiet and spend a few minutes talking through the following questions with God.

Reflection questions for Enneagram 8s

1. What have you been trying to control?
2. Where have you thrown up walls?
3. Where has pride kept you from tearing down those walls?
4. Do you have any overdue apologies?
5. What change have you been resisting?

Just a friend over here in your corner,

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