How to Neighbor Well as an Enneagram 5: Enneaneighboring Summer Series

You might be an Enneagram 5 if

• You want to figure it all out.
• You are constantly analyzing.
• You need time to process.
• You ask lots of questions.
• You are capable and independent.
• You worry about there not being enough.
• You need privacy.
• You plan ahead. Always.
• You don’t want to burden anyone with your problems.
• You often calculate how much energy or time it will take.
• You tend to run out of words before you run out of day.
• Social events usually drain you.
• You steer clear of the spotlight.
• You are an observer.
• Minimalism appeals to you.
• You can get stuck in your own head.

Maybe you’ve been quietly waiting for your number in this series. Maybe you want to know how to share yourself with others without feeling depleted. Maybe you want to know if this life as a missional neighbor is for you too.

I’m so glad you’re here. And I want you to know it’s okay to listen. Take it all in. Take as much time as you need to figure out what this all means for you, and for those around you.

Let’s step back for a moment, for anyone unfamiliar with the Enneagram. The Enneagram is simply a way to grow in our understanding of ourselves and others. While we’re just scratching the surface here today, there are endless layers of depth to the Enneagram. If you’re interested in learning more, here are some resources I recommend:

• Podcasts: The Enneacast (by Love Thy Neighborhood), The Enneagram Journey (by Suzanne Stabile), Enneasummer Series on That Sounds Fun (by Annie F. Downs).

• Books: The Road Back to You (Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile), The Path Between Us (Suzanne Stabile), and the devotionals for each Enneagram type (some still coming) by Tyler Zach.

• Free eBooks: Should Christians Use The Enneagram? by Tyler Zach and Your Quick Start Guide to the Enneagram by Jill E. McCormick

*** Book mentions contain affiliate links, which means that at no extra cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you choose to purchase.

I know you don’t love the attention, but can we talk about you today, Enneagram 5? Let’s dig into the wisdom and wit that you often surprise us with. Let’s explore the curiosity that comes naturally to you that we could all use more of and the mindset of a life-longer learner that you exemplify for the rest of us.

Let’s also dive into the way you’re lonely, but it’s hard to let people get to know you. Let’s talk about how you don’t want to take anyone else’s time or attention so you prefer to rely on yourself.

Let’s unpack why we need you, how we can better love you, and ways you can use your strengths to neighbor well.

Somedays you feel overrun by all the noise. Somedays you feel your people are drawing wrong assumptions about you. Somedays knowing all the whys doesn’t take away that ache inside.

Today, this is what I really want you to know: You don’t have to compete for God’s attention. You don’t have to be louder to be heard, stand out for Him to lean in close, or be in the center of the activity for you to matter.

Truth is, you always have God’s utmost attention. He hears every word you say—the ones you thought were drowned out, even the ones still inside your head.

There will be times you feel drained—but He can refuel you. There will be things you can’t do by yourself—and it will be OK. There will be decisions you wish you had more time to make—but trust that His wisdom is always available to you.

Friend, you are an asset to God’s kingdom. You belong. You matter. You show us how God is steadfast, how His wisdom is limitless, how He cares about the little details about our lives, how He leads with questions, and how He always listens. Please don’t doubt or dismiss yourself. We need friends like you in our life!

May these truths sink deep: God never second-guesses His design. He doesn’t create after-thoughts. He never makes mistakes.

God made you, you on purpose, and He says that His creation is good.

10 Things to love about Enneagram 5s

1. She is a steadfast friend.
2. She is both wise and objective.
3. She is open-minded.
4. She asks the best questions.
5. She is always learning new things.
6. She is curious, thoughtful, and respectful.
7. She is brilliant, but she’s quiet about it.
8. When she talks, you know to pay attention.
9. She has a calming effect on the room.
10. She safeguards your secrets.

10 Ways to love your neighbors well as an Enneagram 5

1. Let your curiosity show. Your interest in understanding others is a rare gift in today’s world.
2. Space out the things you find exhausting so you have energy for what matters most.
3. Share your wisdom. It’s gold.
4. Invite a neighbor to learn something new with you.
5. Talk about the things that refill you. Others can learn from the rhythms and boundaries you’ve put in place.
6. Open up about what God’s asking you to let go.
7. Initiate conversations about what you’re learning as you study Scripture.
8. Teach. Disciple. Mentor. We have so much we can learn from you!
9. Raise the questions no one else is asking.
10. Lend your objective perspective to help others see from another lens.

10 Ways to better love your Enneagram 5 neighbor

1. Skip the small talk and draw her into conversation about something she’s interested in.
2. Encourage her with affirming words. It means a lot even if she doesn’t say that it does.
3. Respect her need to be alone sometimes.
4. Don’t pressure her to make a decision on the spot.
5. Drop the assumptions. They’re likely not correct.
6. Give her grace and space to recharge.
7. Tell her what you’ve learned from her.
8. Let her shine in her own way. Not everyone loves to be front and center.
9. Listen and engage when she speaks.
10. Seek her wisdom and objective perspective.

Enneagram five, God sees fully all the things you want to understand. The right-next-to-Him place is the best place to learn from Him. So linger here often. In the quiet. With just you and Him.

Your intellect is a gift from God. Let it draw you ever closer to the Giver of that gift. He is also sure and steady—your standfast, trustworthy Friend.

Will you trust Him now? Trust that He’ll hold you as you open up and let others in? Trust that He knows what He’s doing and that He won’t lead you astray?

My friend, knowledge doesn’t have to stand in the way. It can open the way to rich, deep relationship with God and the people around you.

I’ll leave you with a few reflection questions you and God can chat about:

Reflection questions for Enneagram 5s

1. Who do you trust most?
2. Are you making space for community in your plans?
3. What are you holding onto too tightly?
4. Who are you teaching, mentoring, or discipling?
5. What rhythms do you have in place to recharge?

Just a friend over here in your corner,

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