How to Neighbor Well as an Enneagram 1: Enneaneighboring Summer Series

You might be an Enneagram 1 if

• You are quick to self-criticize.
• You worry (a lot) about what everyone else thinks about you.
• You take failure really hard.
• What’s right is always right—and that’s a non-negotiable.
• You live by the adage “a job half-done isn’t worth doing.”
• You have a strong desire to make the world around you a better place.
• You listed skills like detail-oriented, dependable, responsible, and multi-tasker at the top of your resume.
• You make lists. You follow lists.
• You easily notice what’s out of place.
• You are constantly moving.

Your enneagram number is simply a way to help you understand what motivates you to do the things that come as second nature to you. It sheds light on how you communicate with others, how you respond to stress and conflict, what makes you feel deeply alive, what fears and desires drive you, what strengths you bring to the table, and which areas of your life God might need to sand smoother so you can love those around you well.

Today, we’re talking about you. We’re talking about your fear of not getting it right. Your fear that others will misunderstand your good intentions. Your fear that you’ll never measure up to your own standards. We’re talking about how you’re exhausted from trying so hard to be perfect, but you just can’t let yourself off the hook.

We’re talking about your uncanny ability to stick to the plan. Your attention to details that helps you notice all the little things others look right past. Your diligence to make everything you touch, everyone you love better.

We’re talking about why we need you, how we can better love you, and ways you can use your strengths to neighbor well.

Somedays you feel more judged than you do loved. Somedays you feel grossly misunderstood. Somedays you worry you’re not that likeable or that much fun to be around. Somedays you ask God why He made you the way you are.

What I really want you to embrace today is the truth that God made you to reflect beautiful aspects of Himself. He handpicked your features, your height, your personality, and the way you see the world. As His daughter, you bring Him more heart-bursting joy than you can comprehend.

You don’t have to prove anything to God, to yourself, to others. You have permission to thrive, using the good things God gave you for His glory. You don’t need to be someone else to be a great neighbor, to be a close friend, to begin to live on mission right where you are.

10 Things to love about Enneagram 1s

1. She does what she says she’ll do.
2. She notices what you may miss.
3. She works harder than you—probably a lot harder.
4. She wants to bring the best out of you even when it may not feel like it.
5. She picks up your slack, probably far more often than you realize, and definitely more often than you thank her for.
6. She makes the world a better place without even thinking about it.
7. She masterfully creates environments you can relax in and enjoy.
8. She serves as a moral compass.
9. She can see the way it should be done and all the steps to accomplish it. You can trust that she’s got it figured out.
10. She cares deeply about her people and wants the very best for you.

10 Ways to love your neighbors well as an Enneagram 1

1. Listen before critiquing. Many things are not as they seem at first glance.
2. Give others space to share how they think it should be done.
3. Remember that others have priorities that differ from yours, and that’s a good thing. We can all benefit from a multi-faceted perspective.
4. Use your organizational skills to plan ways for neighbors to gather.
5. Open up about your struggle with people-pleasing and what God’s been teaching you about finding your identity in Him. Discipleship can look like inviting others to overhear the conversations you and God are having.
6. Schedule time to set aside what keeps you busy and prioritize being relational.
7. Look for ways you can make your neighborhood a cleaner, brighter, more welcoming place.
8. Encourage others. You see their potential. Love them by speaking words of blessing.
9. For introverts, offer to coordinate behind-the-scenes details for a game night, potluck, book club, Bible study, or missional community in your neighborhood. For extroverts, consider hosting on a rotating basis.
10. Get curious. Ask questions. Practice seeing the world through various neighbors’ lenses.

10 Ways to better love your Enneagram 1 neighbor

1. Remind her that God’s truth trumps her inner critic—always.
2. Ask her what needs attention. She probably knows something you don’t know, so lean on her superpower.
3. Speak gently to her, being mindful that she is already harder on herself than anyone else could possibly be.
4. Call out the good at the heart of her efforts to improve and perfect.
5. Thank her for her caring attention to the details.
6. Keep in mind that it’s hard for her to admit to herself—or anyone else—that she isn’t perfect, so take the pressure off by being transparent about some of your own imperfections and current struggles.
7. Invite her into your space without cleaning everything first. She needs a realistic standard so she’s not so hard on herself.
8. Appreciate her by noticing out loud something she did that someone else now doesn’t have to do.
9. Be an active listener. She needs to know you care and that you’re paying attention.
10. Ask her what you can help her with and commit to doing it well.

Back to you, my Enneagram 1 friend. Let’s close with a few questions for conversation, between just you and God. Who you believe you are—who you let define you—affects the way you live, the way you love, the way you lead, and the way you neighbor.

You don’t have to be good enough. You have to believe He is good-hearted enough to invite you into His embrace, into His family, into His mission to make disciple-making-disciples all across the earth—not because of what you can do, but because there’s nothing you can do. It’s all Him, and He’s all about you.

Reflection questions for Enneagram 1s

1. Which direction is your busyness leading your heart?
2. If you’re not right, are you still alright?
3. What is your inner critic saying? What is God saying?
4. Where can you find beauty in imperfection?
5. What is rippling out from your life?

Just a friend over here in your corner,

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