How to Navigate Grief From a Posture of Gratitude
Having to navigate grief was not my plan for the summer
In May I created the “Best Summer Ever” planning guide. I couldn’t wait to plan out our summer to include summer camps, bucket list must-dos, a trip to Disney World, pool parties, sleepovers, birthdays, and more. On May 28th, 2021, two days into summer vacation and the day before her 62nd birthday, we found out my mom had stage IV bile duct cancer. Her prognosis was three to eight months with treatment.
I drove from Louisiana to Mississippi to be with her on her birthday while she received her first chemo treatment inpatient. She was scared to die. To leave my sister and me without parents. To miss major milestones in her grandchildren’s lives—after all, the littlest one was just born in January. That’s when she and I had the talk: “Mom, either you get to hang out with all of us for a bit longer, or you get to be with Jesus and Dad in heaven. Either way sounds pretty awesome to me.” One would be an answer to prayer. The other would be a promise fulfilled.
Mom entered heaven three weeks later. Time with Mom/Mimi before she passed had wedged its way between summer camps and Disney World. And then she was gone. Grief didn’t check our summer planning guide first before it entered our lives. Grief didn’t check itself at the entrance to Disney World either. Being in the “happiest place on earth” a week after losing my mom was a juxtaposition of emotions. How do I enjoy this happy place with all of this sadness taking residence in my heart?
Finding ways to be grateful in the midst of grief
Before Mom passed, I led worship at a few kids’ camps in the middle-of-nowhere, Louisiana. I found the only spot with cell phone reception: in the middle of the gravel road. I paced within a three-foot radius to hear the latest health updates while kicking rocks and swatting horse flies. The rocks were all shapes, sizes, and colors. One in particular caught my eye: it had a reddish-brown tint and was in the shape of a heart. I picked it up off the ground, held it tight, and looked for others like it.
The theme song of camp was “Good and Gracious King” by CityAlight. I sang it on stage every night in worship:
I will give you You my burden
As You give to me Your strength.
Come and fill me with Your Spirit
As I sing to You this praise.
You deserve the greater glory.
Overcome, I lift my voice
To the King in need of nothing
Empty handed I rejoice.
Praise. Glory. Gratitude. It’s easy to lose sight of God on the long road of grief. I pace, I kick rocks, I look anywhere but where my feet land. Finding ways to be grateful in times of sorrow is similar to finding heart-shaped rocks in the middle of a gravel road. The first one caught me off guard. When I saw it, I didn’t step over it or kick it aside. I picked it up, held onto it, and searched for more.
So, I started my grateful-for collection. It’s glittered with God’s glory and grace.
- Mom is no longer suffering.
- Her pain was short-lived.
- I had time to talk to her about faith and to find peace with death.
- Speaking of peace, it never left.
- She received the promise of heaven because of her decision put her faith in Christ 14 years ago.
- The palliative care team at Memorial Hospital and staff at Canon Hospice in Gulfport, MS were heaven-sent.
- I had time at Mom’s bedside.
- She held my hand and I held hers.
- My sister and I were together in Mom’s final days.
- When I had to make hard medical decisions, God gave me definitive answers so I didn’t have to choose.
- I saw a butterfly and it reminded me of Mom. It landed on me.
- She left a legacy of love.
- A painting on a sunset hung over her hospice bed. She loved sunsets.
- Our community has loved us so well.
- Joy can coexist with sorrow.
- I’ll see her again one day.
The Lord alone led him;
No foreign god was with him.
He made him ride on the heights of the land
and fed him with the fruit of the fields.
He nourished him with honey from the rock,
And with oil from the flinty crag…
Deuteronomy 32:12-13 NIV (emphasis mine)
Navigating grief from a posture of gratitude has nourished my soul. I bend down to receive these gifts of God’s goodness—collecting them, holding them close, treasuring them. He has placed heart-shaped, honey-filled rocks on the road to healing and I am forever grateful.
Meet Casey Hilty
Casey Hilty is a Christian speaker, artist, worship leader, and author of Her Children Arise (coming soon) and a Bible study for moms of the same name. As a content partner for YouVersion (the Bible app), she has published two popular devotionals for moms: Her Children Arise and MOMentum. Using both storytelling and visual art, she is passionate about taking mothers on a journey from apathy to awe to fall in love—or back in love—with God and His Word. Casey and her husband, Bo, have three school-aged kids, a gaggle of pets, and call South Louisiana home.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
