While clearing out some old drawers I found a journal that I had kept almost a decade previously. At that time gratitude journals had been especially popular and I had just read Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts. In this book she kept a journal of 1000 things she was thankful for. I had forgotten, but at the time I had been motivated to start my own list. 

I immediately gave up on my cleaning and started reading.  Like my organizing venture, I didn’t quite finish but I did make some solid progress. I read and warmed at all the things that I had been glad for. This long list of things that made me smile a decade earlier once again brought me joy, and this time perspective.

A nearly forgotten, trying season

As I read my list and comments it dawned on me that I wrote these words in a particularly trying season. I had just spent almost a week in the hospital and was still healing. Exhausted, with a toddler who never slept and new scars from my recent surgery, I cried almost every day on my way to work.

My husband was traveling often and I am not a good long distance wife or single mother (then or now). Several of my friendships were in disarray and the ones that weren’t, I was neglecting. I wrestled with my faith and where I belonged in almost every area of my life.

It was the kind of season that I think Madeline L’Engle was talking about when she said this:

It’s a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet and what is sand.

I love that quote but I hate the falling down and the slowness it sometimes takes to get back up. There is something beautiful in finding the rock on which to stand.

Turning sand into rocks

When I think back to the month I wrote my list, I don’t remember feeling gratitude for much of anything. I only remember feeling knocked down, worn out, and the sand beneath me giving out. This was a hard season, but it was also one in which I chose gratitude. Being thankful did not take away the hurt, but it turned the sand into rocks. 

I can look back and tell you exactly 317 things I was grateful for that month.

The same month I’d rather forget, but I’m so glad I didn’t because I might have forgotten about long runs, my daughter’s curls, laughing hard before 7 am, those really thin chips at Chuys, giant pumpkins, and people I didn’t expect looking out for me. The me from a decade ago never finished. She did, however, make it to #317, which was a purple sunset in case you were wondering. #255 was fig goat cheese and homemade soup, #121, my favorite song on the radio, and #81 an uninterrupted nap. 

A decade earlier, naming the gifts in my life helped me find gratitude in a time where it was not always obvious. Where I might have otherwise missed it. Ten years later, I get to revisit my list and be glad all over again, mostly for things I had long forgotten, as well as be grateful for the million other gifts along the way. 

My kids are now much older. My sleepless toddler is now a teenager who loves to sleep until noon. My wounds from that season have long since healed, although I’ve landed a few new ones. Today as I drove home from work, I couldn’t help but notice the sky. The sun started to set, leaving behind streaks of bright pinks and purples. I got home and immediately pulled out the old list. I found the last entry #317 – purple sunset. Beneath it, I penned #318 – another beautiful sunset. Ten years between the entries, rock beneath my feet, and a beautiful sky above my head.

Meet Michelle Hurst

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

Creating Ripples

If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.