The news we were dreading finally came. 

“We are moving Dad to hospice. He is coming home. It won’t be more than a few days once he gets here. Come as soon as possible.”

Our brother had prepared all of us for that news a few days before, but we were all still praying for a miracle. However, that was not part of God’s plan. 

Everything had happened so quickly. Dad had gone into the hospital a few weeks before when COVID had affected his lungs so much that his ability to breathe completely on his own was compromised. 

In those few weeks that he was in the hospital, we prayed incessantly. We called all our friends and family to pray with us. We had prayer warriors outside the hospital hoping he would recover, be released, and return to his old self. 

I spoke to him daily and our conversations were never centered around him because he chose to focus on me and my family. He just wanted to know that we were all okay. When it came to him, he spoke about the nurses and doctors taking care of him and the immense gratitude that he felt. The focus was never on Dad or how he was feeling. Rather it was always on others.

Throughout his life, Dad’s eyes were always on his family. The love he shared with my mom was strong and admirable. They had built a life together that resulted in eight children and several grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Family always came first and my dad instilled that in all of his children. 

Looking at life through his eyes brought gratitude, faith, and love. He knew he was blessed and he expressed his gratitude to anyone he met. His pride and love for all of us were so evident in every step he took in life. 

The family came from near and far to be with our dad on his final days. 

Coming home

On the evening he came home, we all were present and anxiously awaiting his arrival. We surrounded his bedside and when he saw all of us, his smile illuminated the room. It spread clear across his face and reflected in his eyes as joy radiated through his body. With that came one simple word from his tired soul—“AMAZING!”

At that moment, it was as if you could see his whole life displayed before you. The scenes were all playing out.

Every moment,

Every blessing,

Every joy,

Every dream,

Every opportunity,

Every failure, 

Every disappointment,

And every mistake all came together, full circle, at that moment.

It all made perfect sense. 

Over the next two days, we shared laughter, stories, tears, prayers, praise, and gratitude. 

When I looked at my dad, as frail as he was, I only saw my strong and wise daddy. I saw my first love, my protector, my confidant, my provider, my teacher, my writing partner, and my friend. 

I became that little girl again. 

The one who reached for Daddy’s hand in comfort.

The little girl who ran to his outstretched arms.

The one who knew to pray beside him. 

The young girl who blushed when he shared how proud he was of her.

The little one who giggled when he sang, “There she is, Ms. America” as she walked down the stairs.

The one who enjoyed every bit of storytime. 

And, finally, the girl who listened to wisdom when making life decisions. 

As I sat with my dad, on his last days, I could feel nothing other than love and gratitude for this man who was always there to support me. I promised him I would continue to write and fulfill the dream we both shared.

In those final moments of his life when we saw him finally rest, gratitude filled my heart. 

In my grief, I witnessed my dad’s life play out in front of me. What a beautiful and fulfilled life he had! 

When Grief finds Gratitude

In my grief, I realized that there was so much to be grateful for. 

The passing of a loved one is gut-wrenching. The grief can be unbearable at times, but what I feel more than anything with my dad’s passing is gratitude. Gratitude for his wisdom. Gratitude for his presence. Gratitude for being able to be with him on his final days. 

Gratitude presents itself in our lives sometimes in mysterious ways. Many times, we have to make it an intentional act for all the goodness and blessings around us to be recognized. Even in those challenging times, there is always something to be grateful for. 

In our moments of grief, our hearts can overflow with gratitude when we allow ourselves to see the world through the lessons, wisdom, and blessings of the person who passed. 

Meet Bridget Gengler

Where to find her . . .

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.