I stood in my kitchen, arms braced on the counter over my sink, as I wept. The cake I was making, forgotten, and the only words on my lips were, “Thank you, God,” over and over, like a mantra coming from deep within my soul.

In recent years, this is what gratitude has looked like for me: the swollen eyes, snotty nose, guttural cries of one who has held onto the faithfulness of God, even when she did not understand. Then in a single moment is surprised at how thoroughly the Creator of the universe has created her path to redemption and healing.

My two-decades-long path to gratitude for my singleness is littered with those moments. As a 42-year-old, never-married woman who deeply loves Jesus, from the outside looking in, my singleness doesn’t make sense. Especially given the Church culture we have created that elevates marriage and family at the expense of its single members. I have felt the weight of that idolatry in my own relationship with Jesus and His Bride.

God, Present and Faithful Even In Singleness

However, through a series of events that spanned a decade and a half, one that cost me a dearly loved friend and another that uncovered an unimaginable loss, one day I looked up to survey the landscape of my life and found God to be more present and faithful than I could have possibly dreamed. Not because He answered my prayers for a husband and children, but because in the absence of those, He had given me Himself.

In what felt like a moment, I realized that it’s because of my singleness that I know Jesus in the way I do . . . that I know myself, and my people, and my corner of the world, with this single-minded perspective, and I am utterly thankful. I have found what Paul says about considering everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus, to be the truest thing of my life (Philippians 3:8). 

Recently I have been overcome with gratitude for the long-suffering nature of God in my life. All those long years of stiff-arming Him because He wasn’t giving me what I wanted, and yet, He held tight to me, knowing these days of our relationship were coming. The days of deep contentment and satisfaction in Him, alone. The days of spending hours in prayer and the scriptures and silence and solitude, reveling in it all, instead of spending those same hours binge-watching mindless television to numb the pain of unanswered prayers.

He knew the day was coming when I would awaken to the hows and whys of my life and His image in me. His love was patient and long-suffering (1 Corinthians 13:4) and He watched over the word He had spoken over my life, in order to accomplish it (Jeremiah 1:12).

That revelation is now informing how I traverse my current season of unknowns. I’m getting to know the Lord in His long-suffering nature, and I’m so thankful for the promise that tells me if I share in His sufferings I also get to know the power of His resurrection. What a miracle!

God Gives and Takes Away

So there I was, minding my own business, letting my KitchenAid Stand Mixer whip up cake batter as I scraped down the bowl, when my watch signaled I got a text message. I looked down to see that long-lost friend’s name, recently reconciled after eleven long years.

“How’s your day going?”

It was so simple. Just a random check-in from this dearly loved friend I never thought I’d hear from again, and yet, in God’s kindness, He restores the years that the locusts have stolen (Joel 2:25).

The next thing I knew the spatula was thrown into the sink and I was doubled over, arms braced on the counter over my sink, as I wept. The only words on my lips were, “Thank you, God,” over and over. Job said it best on the worst day of his life: “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21b).

I am finding that when we give thanks as He takes away, it deepens our capacity for gratitude. So that, if ever He brings something lost back again, we find ourselves within the lyrics of a beloved Cory Asbury song: “[kissing] the waves that push us into caves, so faithful are the wounds of a Friend.”

Meet Kathryn Means

Where to find her . . .

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.