How To Turn “Why Me?!” Questions Into Genuine Gratitude
In 2017, after surviving a brutal assault and kidnapping, I found myself wrapped in a thick green blanket, lying face down under a pergola nestled among trees, crying out to God, “Why me?”
Just six days earlier, my entire world had come crashing down. The man I loved had been shot ten times. My body and heart were both broken. I was left staring at the shattered pieces of my life, wondering if they could ever be put back together again.
I found myself asking the hard questions that so many of us are afraid to say out loud:
Where were You, God? Why did You let this happen? Couldn’t You have stopped it?
Leftover Love
I was angry. Devastated. And maybe most of all, disappointed in God. It felt like God had shown up for everyone else . . . but not for me. Through sobs, I told Him it seemed like all I was worthy of was His leftover love.
But here’s the miracle of it all: God didn’t turn away from my questions. He didn’t get offended by my anger or withdraw from me because I was hurting. Instead, He welcomed me, mess and all. He met me right there, face down and broken. And that’s where the story of my healing began.
God’s Presence in the Ordinary
In those early days, I wanted God to show up in big, undeniable ways. But He didn’t. At least not in the way I expected. And for a time, I mistook that as absence.
But slowly, God began to reveal Himself in the most ordinary yet undeniable ways:
- In the friend who dropped off dinner when I hadn’t eaten all day.
- In the late-night text that said, “You’re not alone. I’m praying for you.”
- In the unexpected flowers that showed up on my doorstep.
- In the job that gave me paid leave until I was ready to return.
- In the church family that wrapped themselves around me.
- In the home that was offered to me for an entire summer of recovery.
- In the voices of those who spoke life over me when I couldn’t speak it over myself.
These weren’t dramatic miracles. But they were real. And together, they told a sacred story: God was here.
Just like Jacob in Scripture who said, “Surely the presence of the Lord was in this place, and I didn’t even know it,” I began to recognize that God had been with me all along—in the heartbreak, in the silence, in the grief. He had never left.
Gratitude in the Grief
Gratitude didn’t come naturally to me in those early days. It started small—sometimes barely a whisper. I learned that gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It’s not about slapping a smile over deep wounds. It’s about choosing to look for God, especially when it’s hard. It’s about realizing He may not show up the way we asked, but He always shows up.
Gratitude isn’t just for the good times. It’s for all times. It’s not a feeling—it’s a practice. A perspective. And often, it’s the very thing that can keep us from being swallowed whole by sorrow.
Beauty from Ashes
God didn’t just meet me in my pain—He redeemed it. What was once only trauma became testimony. What was once pain now holds purpose. He truly brought beauty from ashes and life from the places that felt the most lifeless.
Gratitude didn’t erase my pain, but it changed how I walked through it. It opened my eyes to beauty in broken places. It helped me rebuild a life not just from the rubble, but with meaning.
Look for Him
If you’re walking through a hard season and gratitude feels foreign-or even offensive-let me gently say this: you don’t have to be thankful for the pain. But you can be thankful in it.
Look for Him. He’s there in ways you may not expect. And one day—maybe not today—you’ll look back, like I did, and say: “Surely the Lord was in this place—and I didn’t even know it.”
Meet Kimberly Haar
Kimberly Haar is a licensed therapist, author, and speaker who specializes in helping women heal from grief, trauma, and loss. With nearly two decades of experience in therapy, Kimberly combines her professional expertise and personal journey of survival and healing to offer hope and practical tools for overcoming life’s deepest hurts. She is the author of Healing from Life’s Deepest Hurts: Reclaiming Your Life After Grief, Loss, or Trauma, set to be released in June 2025. Kimberly’s work integrates faith, compassion, and actionable steps, empowering women to embrace healing and live with purpose.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
