How to Turn Breaking into Blessing into Becoming
Life has a way of breaking us in places we didn’t know existed. For years, I lived in the shadow of an intense and painful childhood, questioning my worth, my strength, and my future. The pain was all-consuming, and I often wondered if I could escape the cycle of despair to be the mother I longed to be for my children—a mother full of love, stability, and hope.
In those darkest moments, I began to hear God’s voice. Gentle yet unwavering, He whispered for me not to give up. What I didn’t realize was that God would use the ashes of my brokenness to create something beautiful. What I endured would eventually prepare me for the greatest blessing of my life: the chance to be a mother to my miracle boys. The struggles I faced, though heart-wrenching, taught me resilience, compassion, and a fierce determination to love my children in ways I had never known.
This is my story of how the hardest season of my life became the foundation for the mother I am today—a story of pain, perseverance, and gratitude for the blessings born from brokenness.
From Breaking
Let’s begin with my parents. My father owned a large farm in rural Iowa. He had 12 children with his first wife and four children with his second wife. After his wife left, my mother moved to the farm as his nanny. She eventually had my sister and I–Irish twins. My memories of my father are distant, but I know this is where my story began.
The relationship with my mother and father didn’t last. She raised us on her own. In 1988, I would have been three years old and my sister four when she met my stepfather and we moved to his farm. By 1989, when I was just six years old, life had already dealt us more than most could bear.
My mother had given birth to my severely handicapped brother, and a year later welcomed another baby girl, all while navigating life without my father, who passed away that same year. This is just the beginning.
As a mom now, I am not sure how she managed. Being a mother of two without extended family is challenging enough for me, but she faced those battles with four children, including a son with significant needs. While our relationship is complicated, I am deeply grateful for her strength and resilience during those years.
My first memory of pure anguish was in the first grade. I loved school. I loved my friends. I have no bad memories before this day. But on this day, I was asked to clean out my desk at school and was loaded into a car and separated from everything I had known. My sister and I were moved to foster care to live with strangers, just the two of us. My little brother was moved to a pediatric habilitation center and my youngest sister went to live with her aunt.
After returning home, a year later, nothing was ever the same. To this day, I continue to work on forgiving my mother.
Life spiraled into more chaos, and by the time I was 15, I realized I couldn’t endure the hostility and pain any longer. Leaving home was the hardest choice I ever made-not because of what I was leaving behind, but because of the hurt it caused my mother. That pain still lingers in our relationship, but I’ve come to understand that God’s plan was greater than either of us could have imagined.
To Blessing and Becoming
Today, I live in peace. I’ve used the pain of my childhood as fuel to protect and nourish my beautiful boys. My boys are my greatest joy, and I pour into them a love and security I once longed for. I still love my mother, and I forgive her for the choices that caused so much pain. I know she did the best she could with what she had.
Through it all, I have found healing in God’s promises. He’s given me the tools to grow–a Christian therapist, my church community, and the wisdom found in Scripture and literature.
My story is not one of defeat but of redemption.
I am grateful for the struggles that shaped me into the mother I am today: resilient, compassionate, and determined.
I wouldn’t trade my story for another. It’s mine and through God’s grace, it has brought me to this place of gratitude, where I can embrace both the brokenness and the blessings.
Meet Rachael Koehler
Rachael Koehler is a wife of 11 years, a devoted mother to two miracle boys, and a purpose-driven career coach who empowers women to rise above challenges and step boldly into their calling. As a Financial Aid Director, adjunct professor, and seasoned professional in higher education, Rachael combines her expertise with her deep faith to help others navigate career advancement with clarity and confidence.
Her journey is a testament to God’s redeeming grace. Overcoming an intense childhood as an unaccompanied minor, Rachael left home at 15 and faced hardships that included abuse, PTSD, and addiction. Against all odds, she persevered to graduate high school, earn her BA in Business, and eventually her MBA in Accounting. Her personal life has also been marked by resilience, enduring the heartbreak of multiple miscarriages before experiencing the joy of motherhood.
Rachael’s career path has been shaped by God’s faithfulness and a passion for serving others. After navigating the complexities of department restructuring, she found her calling in coaching women to embrace their God-given potential. With an unwavering belief that every woman has a unique purpose, Rachael equips her clients to advance their careers while staying rooted in grace and purpose.
Her life is a powerful reminder that no challenge is too great when you trust in God’s plan and take bold steps of faith toward your destiny.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
