How to Survive the Start of School

The months since Covid changed our lives have slid together. Jokingly I’ve called it a time warp, but inside I’ve had my moments of railing against the endless holding pattern. For over five months we’ve been home, and now school starts a week from tomorrow but still at home. Again, indefinitely. After sitting with uncertainty so long, it seems we should be pros at navigating its waves. But the honest truth is that I need to quiet my spirit and hold my hands open in new and intentional ways to survive the start of school this year. Perhaps you feel the same.

Full disclosure: I am probably in the minority as we are transitioning from home school to public school, rather than the other way around. We home schooled for years and loved it, but my girls are ready to go to school with their neighbor-friends, and I was looking forward to being able to commit more time to writing. Like many of you, we were not surprised that school here is beginning at home, but it’s still not what we were hoping for.

You may find yourself in a similar boat, having to adapt your work structure to make space for remote schoolwork. You may have made a beautifully brave choice to begin home schooling for the first time. Or perhaps your kids are going to their schools, but you have to be prepared for everything to change at any moment. While our situations may vary, for all those of us with school-age kids, we have in common a desire—or really, a need—to survive the start of the school year.

A missional mindset acknowledges that the little choices we make throughout our days matter. The way I interact with my kids, the way I learn to hold disappointment and still press into God, the way I invite God to continue his work inside me—these comprise opportunities to gently impact the way others see God and let him in. So as we enter into conversations about the start of school, let’s be honest about our struggles and transparent about the conversation between God and us that is growing us to look and think and act more like him.

My top ten list for surviving the start of school year is the things that I am inviting God to work on in my own heart. They are relevant, however, regardless of the nuances of your exact school scenario.

1. Give grace, and more grace

When grace infuses our words, softens our tone, relaxes our shoulders, and unfurls our brow, we can more readily be at our best. Giving our children grace as they face frustrations, disappointments, learning curves, and their own emotions gently models for them how to treat themselves. If our children are attending or virtually attending a school, we can shower their teachers and school administrators with grace and support them in their efforts create the best possible learning environments. Similarly, whether or not you are your children’s teacher this year, give yourself grace, and more grace, to sometimes get it wrong but still keep trying, sometimes feel overwhelmed but still keep drawing from the strength God gives.

2. Engage in soul-care

It can be tempting to take care of all the needs besides our own, but soul-care truly helps us be more present, patient, and positive. I need my morning routine, Amazing Grass energy powder, and 10 minutes of tabatas or yoga before the kids wake up or I struggle a whole lot more throughout the day. My morning routine is a simple practice I’ve adapted from ideas I gleaned from Emily P. Freeman and Ann Voskamp. I book-end my routine with prayer, read a short passage of scripture, add a few lines to my ongoing gratitude list, and read a few pages of spiritual formation book. I wrote more about my morning routine and how to create or adapt one that fits you here.

Missional living is about modeling the way we are letting God shape and mold us, so prioritizing life-giving activities effects not only you, but your children, your neighbors, and your other social and work circles. I encourage you to begin with a simple morning routine to prioritize connecting with God, but also include other things throughout your week that fill your tank. My life-giving list includes playing worship music, spending some time enjoying nature, having fun with my family, resting, and reading.

3. Keep communication lines open

My natural impulse is to keep my thoughts bottled up inside. If you can relate, keeping communication lines open—between you and God, you and your spouse, if you are married, and you and your kids—may take intentionality. Keeping communication lines open is an invitation to be real. To be seen. Truly known. As Ann Voskamp says,

You are as healable as you are vulnerable.

Committing to work on our communication impacts our family dynamic, but it also ripples out far beyond our home.

4. Model ready and sincere apologies

Let’s face it, these beginning weeks of school will not always be easy and peaceful and perfect. When we let our stress or frustration creep into our voices or we join our kids in throwing a full-blown tantrum over the things that are not going our way, we are again presented with opportunity to gently disciple. As mission-conscious people, we aim to apologize readily and with sincerity. We lead by example, showing how to swallow our pride because the people around us matter.

5. Experiment and adjust

Whether or not your kids are doing their school work at home and you your work from home, it can be helpful to approach your family’s schedule with open hands. If one rhythm does not work well for everyone, experiment and adjust. Also, sometimes simply changing up the environment can bring clarity and more positive attitudes. Can some of your work or your kids’ school work be done in a different room or outside? If your kids are distance learning or home schooling, could you swap kids with any of your neighbors to share the burden?

6. Dissipate tension with breath prayers

I used to think my prayers had to be lengthy and well-articulated, especially if I was praying out loud. The book of Jeremiah helped me see how God simply wants us to come to him the way we are and talk to him about the things that are on our hearts, even when they don’t look or sound pretty.

Our prayers can be short, even so short we can say them in rhythm with our inhales and exhales. My friend Natalie Hilton shares a great example:

As you inhale, pray “be still.”
As you exhale, pray “and know.”

For more breath prayer ideas, check out her blog post over on nataliehilton.com. I’ll include the link in the show notes for anyone listening.

7. Affirm identity even while addressing behavior

Adjusting to the start of school this year is likely to have its challenges for both you and your kids. Let’s remember to affirm our kids’ identity often. Who you are is not determined by what you do, and the same is true for your kids. The more often they hear that God loves and treasures them, and it has nothing to do with what they do or don’t do, the more peace you will unleash into their hearts. Affirming what God says of them while addressing their behavior means that we call them up into who they are in Christ. We make the distinction that while their choices have consequences, who they are and the way they are loved does not in any way depend on how they make their choices.

8. Lighten the load

If the start of the school year has you feeling overwhelmed, consider whether everything you are doing is truly yours to handle. I tend to think I can and should take care of all the things, but sometimes my expectations of myself are ill-founded and unrealistic. It’s ok to ask your family for help, and if you are particular about how everything gets done, practice accepting the result with genuine thanks instead of scrutiny. Your kids can share the chore-load, take responsibility for a certain area of the house, or join in 10-minute power cleans. It’s also ok to sometimes order take-out or pop in a frozen pizza when you need a break.

9. Let go of control

You want focused kids and completed work, little complaining and no schooling challenges. I get it. But we also know that we simply cannot control the way our kids learn or avoid the hard moments of growing up. Instead of trying to curate and control, choose instead to celebrate how God wired each of your children and your spouse differently than you.

I love the way the Enneagram challenges me to appreciate the benefit of different ways of seeing. (If you are not familiar with the Enneagram, it’s similar to a personality assessment but it is more about motivations than our behaviors, and about growing in ways that push against our grain rather than staying inside a box). I’ve always known that all three of my kids approach life from very different angles, but seeing those distinctions as strengths to be developed rather than challenges to be controlled has been immensely helpful for me.

10. Remember that you set the tone for your home

I’ve saved this tip for the very end because it reminds me to let God have his way inside me so what ripples out and affects and my family and beyond is life-giving. Another quote I’ve long loved from Ann Voskamp is

The parent must always self-parent first, self-preach before child-teach, because who can bring peace unless they’ve held their own peace?

I cannot have a higher expectation for my kids than I am willing to first demonstrate.

As we close, I wanted to take a moment to pray over you and your family’s start to the school year.

Lord, we’ve sat so long in uncertainty that staying here a while longer feels like a big ask. You know all the thoughts in our heads, all the things that we’ve been feeling. Remind us that you are always here, waiting. You alone can ease our burden. You alone can fill us with peace and joy in the middle of circumstances that are different than what we would choose. Would you come now? We welcome you close—into our hearts, our homes, and our schools. Would you lead us forward as we intention to be missional in the middle of the start of school? In your holy and precious name we pray, Lord. Amen.

P.S. Did you know that The Uncommon Normal is also available as a podcast? Tune in to Apple Podcasts or Spotify to listen!