How to Start Scared (Something for All Enneagram Numbers)

Sometimes you’ve just got to start that thing, not knowing how it will turn out. Show up with your pockets full of unanswered questions. Tell your self-consciousness to sit like it’s a puppy you’re obedience-training. Step into it scared because it’s the only option besides staying put.

If you’ve been here before, you know the clammy hands, the thud of your own heartbeat, the unexplainable peace that it will turn out okay.

But maybe, when it comes to missional neighboring, you’re not sure you’ve got what it takes. You aren’t outgoing or particularly gifted at hospitality. Your house is cluttered—like your calendar. Your words don’t come out right—too fast, too slow, jumbled like a shaken cup of fresh-squeezed lemonade.

You don’t know your neighbors, but you’re not new. You wonder how awkward it would be to introduce yourself to someone who’s lived on the same street for years. Whether you’d even recognize many neighbors’ faces if you ran into them at Target.

When it comes to faith, you’re inconsistent. You know some Bible verses by heart, but not the references. Sometimes you have quiet time, but some seasons it’s a struggle. You feel guilty about not doing more, worry you’re selfish, doubt you have anything to offer that would help someone else grow closer to God.

So let’s chat about it. How do we overcome that underlying fear keeping us from getting close to God and getting to know our neighbors? Because in order for the things God is doing inside us to ripple out beyond us, we’ve got to lean hard into both of these relationships. This is the essence of missional neighboring.

Roots and Ruts

I don’t claim to be an Enneagram expert, but I’m drawn to the way it helps me understand that fears have roots and we don’t have to stay stuck in our ruts. It builds my empathy for others who see the world differently than I do, increases my awareness of blind spots other Enneagram numbers can help compensate for, and makes me less resistant to God’s training. (In case you’re not yet familiar with the Enneagram, you can learn more HERE.)

You may know your Enneagram. You may not have the slightest clue. Either way, I invite you to read the tip for each number because none of us are solely our main number. We’ll save wings and arrows and why for another conversation. For now, just know that you may resonate with multiple numbers, and that’s normal. Whatever encourages you in these tips is for you today.

Let’s dig in!

Tips for Each Enneagram Number

Enneagram 1

Here’s permission to show up imperfect. Give yourself grace to not get it right the first time. Open the door to your house the way it is. Embrace openness and curiosity in conversation. Offer the gift of your availability. Grow as you go.

Enneagram 2

Noes are necessary to create capacity for yeses. They give you the rest you lack. Show you that you have worth outside of how you serve. Free up time to meet one-on-one with God so the deep work He does in you can overflow.

Enneagram 3

You don’t have to bury the way you doubt yourself. That vulnerable side beneath your magnetic smile might be someone else’s permission to be real. Your starting scared might be slowing down to look into more eyes. Letting yourself be known.

Enneagram 4

God holds your tender heart close, and that means you can risk again. Trust again. Give her a chance to get close. You know aspects of God’s heart that are hard for others to grasp, so share your wisdom, rhythms, and conversations with Jesus.

Enneagram 5

Your questions don’t have to be silenced. Let them propel you into curiosity rather than stop you from connecting with others. Your needs are important. Your voice matters. Your presence is a gift. You are not a burden. We need you!

Enneagram 6

Here’s your permission to note the worst that could happen and then let it go. Name what holds you back. Then name the One who holds you. May your mind find rest in Him so you can bring peace everywhere you go.

Enneagram 7

Here’s permission to not throttle your joy and energy. There is adventure in the right-in-front-of-you places. Look for it. Lean into it. God can ripple out through you to your neighbors when you stay long enough for roots to grow.

Enneagram 8

Pressure’s off to do more, be more, hold it all together. Sometimes the greater strength is surrender. Showing where you’re weak, how you care, sharing what you’re carrying. Working with other people. Letting it go.

Enneagram 9

It will get easier once you start. Here’s your permission to say yes out loud. You don’t have to quiet all your questions, become someone else, know what to say first. Pay attention to that dormant piece of your soul that longs to deep connect.

*** Want more on the intersection of the Enneagram and mission? Check out the Enneaneighboring Summer Series 2022.

Still Unsure Where to Start?

The most important thing you can do to begin living as a missional neighbor right where God planted you is to spend time with Jesus. Start here, and you’ll know the direction you’re heading: imitating Him. Too often we focus on the outward expressions first. But the truth is that we can’t recreate the outcome of proximity to Jesus without actually drawing close.

Want to know more? I put it in a little book for you, because I really want you to grasp how the posture of your heart affects everything else. We address the inside first, and then God ripples out from our lives. Get a sneak peek of my pocket-sized devotional, Cultivating a Missional Life, HERE.

We address the inside first, and then God ripples out from our lives.

I’ll leave you with these words I’m praying for you today:

I pray for boldness. I pray you’ll know how welcome you are in the presence of Jesus. I pray that He would fill you with the “great confidence” He promises those who are nourished by Him (John 17:33).

Just a friend over here in your corner,

Missional Neighboring 101

This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Download your FREE sneak peek today! Also, get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors.