How to Rescue Your Marriage When You’re in a Blackout Season
I recently celebrated my 24th wedding anniversary, but if you had asked me a few years ago, I couldn’t have imagined reaching this place with the joy I feel today. Celebration wasn’t always woven into our marriage. Nor was peace or contentment. In fact, after twenty years together, I slipped into what I now call my blackout season.
This was a time when bitterness took root in my heart like cancer. Bitterness spreads when you keep a quiet record of every wrong, every hurt, every unmet expectation.
Deep down, I wanted our marriage to thrive instead of just survive, but I was doing it my way by clinging tightly to resentment while hoping for change. I wasn’t putting off the old self or renewing my mind. I wasn’t rejoicing in the Lord or giving thanks for His goodness in any capacity. Instead, I let bitterness lead me, and it took me nowhere but deeper into hardness and further away from my husband . . . and the Lord.
The Turning Point in My Marriage
Everything shifted when I made a decision that felt almost too simple to work. I committed to one full year or gratitude. Real gratitude. Not the kind you feel only when things are easy, but the kind you practice when everything you wants to hold on to old hurts.
So, I began to let go. Sometimes daily, but most of the time moment by moment. I released the past wounds, the current offenses, and even the imagined “what ifs” of the future. And in their place, I chose gratitude. I thanked God for the good, the hard, the painful, and the beautiful, trusting that He was working all of it together for my good, just as Romans 8:28 promises.
Slowly, something softened in me. My heart changed before anything else did. The storms didn’t disappear, but I no longer walked through them bitter and exhausted. Instead, I walked with a heart of worship and a quiet confidence that the Lord was holding my right hand. (Psalm 16:8).
Today, gratitude isn’t just practice, but a way of life. It was the turning point in my marriage, but even more, it was the tool God used to pull me out the deep, dark, pit. The blackout season that felt hopeless came to a close! I was rescued out of the darkness. And now, I rejoice in the Lord always, not because everything is perfect, but because His goodness carries me through it all.
Meet Christy Shelby
Christy Shelby is a wardrobe stylist and faith encourager who serves women in all seasons of life, with a specialty in professional women and keynote speakers. She believes in the power of transformation from the inside out, a mission rooted in Col 3:12.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
