It was the evening of January 8, 2023. My brother called, “Hey, we are taking Levi to the Children’s Hospital on the north side of Denver.”

I quickly wondered, “Isn’t that the same hospital?”

“They found a tumor on Levi’s kidney and need to remove his kidney.”

“Wait, what? Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know, but he’s been having some stomach pain and was starting to run a fever,” he told me.

I instantly responded, “Ok, I will get the first flight out of Nashville.”

Seeking Strength

Landing at the Denver airport and picking up my rental car, it seemed like I couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough. As I drove past the UCHealth Cancer Care Hospital, I was flooded with emotions. I hated this place! I hated to come here again. It was our family’s third time.

As I pulled into the parking lot of the attached Children’s Hospital. I begged God, “Not this time, please. Not to this little boy who is only four years old.” I reminded God how cancer took my dad and my sister. “God, why are we here, fighting cancer again?”

Moments of Desperation

In 24 hours, the doctors removed his kidney and gave my brother and sister-in-law the devastating news: “The cancer has metastasized to his stomach and lungs.”

When I heard the news, I wasn’t shocked, I was mad. I was angry. In the hospital room were my brother, my sister-in-law, and me. We stood there silent, and then I removed myself from the room so they could have their time together.

I needed to do something. I had so much anger running through my body. It was as though I wanted to punch something, scream into a pillow, anything that I could do to express my disappointment. As I continued pacing the hall, I called a friend of mine. Someone that I could trust. Someone that I knew I could say anything I wanted to say and not be judged by it. A friend who has walked this cancer journey and loss with me.

Proverbs 17:17 (ESV) says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” My friend was not just a friend but went deeper with me. She went to the hard with me. She didn’t act as my friend; she was my friend. She was my sister (in Christ) whom I needed for such a time.

A Friend’s Comfort

I don’t remember word-for-word my conversation with my friend. I can confess no nice words were spoken. Yet, she listened. Never once stopped me or said, “Don’t say that.” She let me vent, she let me cry, she let me scream, she let me question. She, in turn, responded with the most real and raw answer of truth, “I don’t know why God sometimes allows things to happen, but I know He is still good.” 

I pondered her words as I returned to the hospital room. I would say my goodbyes and head to my brother’s house to stay with their other three children and relieve my sister-in-law’s parents so they could go to the hospital.

As I walked through the hospital parking lot, I continued replaying my conversation with my friend. While my car warmed up, I sat in the stillness and prayed with tears in my eyes, “Lord, I don’t know what You are doing, but I trust You. But, can we have a win this time?”

Hope and Healing

We got our win! On January 9, 2024, Levi was in remission, and as of October 2024, he is Cancer-Free! Glory will always go to God, Our Father. But my gratitude goes to my friend. I needed her in that moment of feeling forgotten, unseen, mad, and angry at God. I am forever grateful for her words to humbly say, “I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know why this is happening, but I know God is still good, He is still faithful.” 

Yes, my friend, He still is.

Meet Michelle Sarabia

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

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