How to Make Neighbors Feel Right at Home

The moment we step in the front door, especially of a home we have never entered before, all our feelers are on high alert. Our brain rapid-fires questions like Do I take my shoes off? Where do I put them? How long do I stay in the entry? What do I need to avoid touching? If we have young kids with us, we are also hyper-aware of where they are and what they could potentially break. Very quickly we gauge our level of comfortability and that first impression is often sticky. So how can we, as missional people, make our neighbors feel right at home when they visit?

First, let’s back up and talk about why we want to be welcoming neighbors and how we move in this direction if opening our home feels really intimidating. Matthew 28:19 bids us, “Now wherever you go, make disciples of all nations” (TPT). God desires to be near us—all of us—and for His nearness to cause us to look, think, and act like Him. The nearer we get to Him the more strongly we feel the call to help make His nearness known everywhere we go. We draw near to God so that others near us can learn to copy us as we copy Christ. I like the word choice in The Passion Translation for 1 Corinthians 11:1: “I want you to pattern your lives after me, just as I pattern mine after Christ.”

“Wherever you go” and “all nations” might appear contradictory, but they are revelatory. God desperately loves all people—those near us and those across the world from us—our neighbors and the nations. He wants us to love all people everywhere too. It’s a both/and call.

Loving the people closest to us in proximity—our neighbors—is part of the Great Commission. We are to diffuse the presence of God in our homes and neighborhoods, drawing close to God and drawing others in close enough for the things God is working out in our lives to spill out in ever-reaching ripples. And what better way to invite proximity that opens the door for authentic and organic discipleship than to invite our neighbors to join us in our actual lives and inside our actual homes?

I know it can sound really intimidating. I get it, because for most of my life it required far more courage than I thought I had. I didn’t want to be vulnerable. I wanted to maintain my appearance of being the girl with the always kind words and ready smile, the first to serve and last to complain, the one you could depend on to produce high quality work. I worked hard to keep up the impression because I thought being real would somehow let others down. But I was wrong. All it did was keep me from the depth of friendships I truly wanted.

I share this because we all have our own starting point when it comes to living on mission in our neighborhoods. For some of you, the thought of inviting a neighbor inside your house for a cup of coffee makes you squirm. Perhaps like me your default is to keep enough distance to keep up the impression you want to make. Or you may simply not know any of your neighbors well enough now to even know where to begin.

There is a phrase I’ve written before and come back to often: the direction is more important than the pace. Please keep this in mind as we continue, because every teensy baby step you are making towards opening your heart, home, and life to your neighbors is worth celebrating. Don’t downplay the small wins, the small moments your courage is big enough to push you against your grain. Don’t discount the slow work of the Holy Spirit in rewiring you on the inside so you know who you are and that God is always, forever with you.

So start small, my friend.

I’m cheering you on and God—oh, He is smiling.

You move His heart every time you move towards Him—and every time you invite others in close enough to let the ripples of His love touch them.

No matter where you are on your journey into missional living, I pray you are able to embrace these tips for helping make your neighbors feel right at home when they enter your house. Shelve them for later if necessary, but for today, I encourage you to listen in.

1. Open the door with a smile

Our facial expression and body language are vital communication tools. When we smile, the tone of our voice also brightens. While this sounds obvious, we are not always aware of what we are saying non-verbally. We might be tired, stressed about something else, distracted, or simply unaware of our facial expression.

Practice awareness of what your face is saying, especially as you open the door. It’s an easy yet invaluable way to make your guests feel welcomed.

2. Be genuine and relaxed

If you are genuine and relaxed in your own space, it will be far easier for your neighbors to likewise feel right at home. Last week I shared my top four tips on keeping our house clean enough to feel relaxed in our space when neighbors drop by unannounced. If a cleaner house helps you feel more present when you are hosting, I encourage you to check out those tips. (Podcast listeners, I’ll share the link in the show notes.)

But perhaps it’s not how long over-due your cleaning is that makes it difficult to be relaxed when hosting. Your mind might be on work or another situation, or you may be desperately in need of your alone time. Regardless of the distraction, I invite you to welcome the opportunity to practice valuing the right-in-front-of-you people for a few minutes. At the same time, give yourself grace to be an imperfectly ready host. We will never get better at what we don’t practice.

As we keep in mind that our stance sets the tone for our guests as well as ourselves, we will become better hosts. The more relaxed you feel the easier it will be for your guests to likewise relax.

3. Keep pets away from the front door

While many people will love your pet at first sight, not everyone wants to be greeted by the family pet. Having a kid that is terrified of even the smallest dog has helped me realize how off-putting a dog jumping on you can be for some people. Likewise, potential allergies are worth considering. When possible, try keeping pets away from your guests until you confirm it’s ok to let them freely roam.

4. Anticipate questions

Clear communication tells our neighbors or other guests that we value them highly. If we can anticipate some of their questions before they have to ask, they will feel cared for. Politely offer up information about where to put shoes or assure them that there is no expectation to take them off. If they’ve brought food to share, don’t make them guess or ask where to set it down. Leading the way into the house will also be appreciated; awkwardly standing in the entry making small talk until your guest makes the first move to enter further can be avoided with a simple invitation to follow you in. Likewise, it can be helpful to point out where the bathroom is and where your guests can help themselves to drinks. Simply anticipating questions will help your visitors feel right at home.

5. Put your house to work

I used to think my ideal home would be defined primarily by what I thought was lovely. I longed for the day we could buy our own home and actually make it look how we wanted it to. While I still want my house to look nice, I appreciate the perspective shift spurred from Myquillyn Smith’s words in Cozy Minimalist Home. She writes, “You’ll know your home is in a good place when you go from thinking about how to make it look better to thinking about how to make it serve better.” We can actually put our house to work in helping make our visitors feel right at home.

Pins of farmhouse décor grab my attention on Pinterest. For me, minimalism with a flair of farmhouse is a perfect combo. It’s lovely, yet down-to-earth and touchable—simultaneously inviting and calming. If something from Hobby Lobby needs replaced it won’t break the bank. And the guiding principles of cozy minimalism keep me from going over-board with farm-house décor.

To put your house to work, begin with the ambiance you wish to create, and then evaluate whether your furnishings and décor help you create that overall feel. Are there small changes you could make that will better create your goal feel? Is there an easy conversation piece, like a family photo or something that reveals your interest or taste, in plain sight? A house over-haul may be out of the question, but there may be things you can remove or rearrange without buying anything new. Stepping into the shoes of a visitor to your home will give you fresh perspective on what a neighbor’s first impression might be.

I encourage you to identify which of these five tips you want to put more thought towards. To recap them in order, we talked about 1) opening the door with a smile, 2) being genuine and relaxed, 3) keeping pets away when you first greet your guests, 4) anticipating questions, and 5) putting your house itself to work. I’ll close with a prayer of blessing, but first, let’s listen in to John 13:34-35, TPT: “So I give you now a new commandment: Love each other just as much as I have loved you. For when you demonstrate the same love I have for you by loving one another, everyone will know that you’re my true followers.” Let His love inside you be what spurs you to better love your neighbors.

May you feel the warmth of Jesus’s presence assuring you of His nearness. May you find clarity as you bring your thoughts and questions before Him. May His love expand your heart and steer every one of your steps. May there be opportunities to practice hospitality, and as your neighbors enter your doors, may they instantly feel right at home.

Change your actual life in less than 5 minutes per day!

You can change your actual life in less than 5 minutes a day because baby steps truly can change the trajectory of your life. If you want 2021 to be the year you actually start living on mission in your neighborhood, this little book (available as a paperback and on Kindle) will help you get there. Each of the 30-day devotions takes but a few minutes to read, but they will lead to lasting life change.

Are we email friends yet?

I send a weekly note to my email tribe, and I’d love to include you! As a thank you, you’ll also get access to everything in the FOR YOU library, including the list of word of the year ideas, inspirational phone wallpapers, and a sample week of Cultivating a Missional Life.