How to Heal From Church Hurt When You Feel Disoriented
I won’t soon forget the look on my husband’s face when he walked into the door that dark Thursday in February. It was the day our shaky dreams collapsed and we tailspun into a disorientation that we are still correcting.
We had been a ministry family since the day we said “I do” fourteen years ago, but after years of staff conflict and new leadership, we realized those sweet days of vocational ministry were over.
Throughout the next several months, our beloved church slowly splintered as people took sides and members left. We wept and prayed and soon acknowledged that we too could not stay. With our three- and one-year-old, we walked out the door of the place we thought would bury us.
The new reality left us spinning into an abyss, like an untethered astronaut outside of his ship. We floated in the unknown. What is the role of church? Should we have seen this coming? What do we do next?
When You Hurt Too Much to Give Thanks
I will forever remain grateful for the Lord’s soft, quiet provision in the months after. I was contracted to edit two large projects, both focused on understanding, processing, and welcoming your emotions.
While I corrected misplaced commas and suggested stronger verb choices, these writers’ wise words soothed my raw and irritated soul. My strong emotions weren’t the villains. They were allies, ushering me into deeper communion with God.
I had been told–and told many others–to give thanks in all circumstances. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it this time around. I was a pastor’s wife, for crying out loud, but I still couldn’t pick up a Bible or utter a word of thanks.
Although this brought me to a place of shame, my wise counselors invited me instead to bring it to a place of curiosity. Why could I not give thanks? Why did I resist Scripture?
When I gave my ugly emotions a voice to point to a deeper why, I could address it compassionately and truthfully. Anger, sadness, and shame were unwelcome friends, but they did a holy work in me and tilled the ground so the seeds of gratitude could flourish.
How Do You Heal From Church Hurt?
I still struggle to say that I am grateful for many of the events that occurred in that 18 month time period.
But I can say that I am grateful for the aftermath. My husband started a nonprofit that allows him more time with our rambunctious little boys. I started counseling, which has increased my awareness and attunement to myself and others. And, my empathy for those who have encountered the uglier sides of God’s people has exploded.
So where do you go in the middle of church hurt? Back to the source of all gratitude. Back to the reason why church exists: to Jesus.
He is there in the difficult emotions, the painful experiences. He is not wagging a finger or tapping an impatient toe. He weeps with you, grows angry at injustice with you. Following your emotions with Him can lead you to an expanding gratitude for all of life’s journeys and an abiding, joy-filled relationship with Him.
Meet Mikaela Mathews
Mikaela Mathews is a writer, self-publishing coach, and editor. For over a decade, she’s been helping writers expertly craft their words and publish their books. She believes coming alive to creativity can be some of the most sanctifying and satisfying work in a Christian’s life.
She lives outside of Dallas, TX with her husband of 14 years, as well as her two boys. She’s a generic foodie, meaning you can bribe her with a Chipotle burrito and chocolate dairy-free milkshake.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
