How to Find Yourself Outside What You Can Achieve (Enneagram 3s)
Dear Achiever,
You’re one of my favorites. I know I get to say that about all the Enneagram numbers because they each reflect God in ways the rest of us don’t, but there is something special about you.
You’re not just full potential, you’re living your best dreams, exploding with creativity and entrepreneurial enthusiasm. You’re an engaging storyteller with natural charisma. You’ve got an uncanny ability to read the room and adapt with ease.
We like you.
Even when inside, you worry that you’re not very likable, or feel like an impostor, or wonder how many truly know you, we still like you.
You inspire us to try new things. To not give up on our own dreams. To be more relational. To change the world.
Also, you get things done faster than the rest of us, and we respect that. We’re cheering you on
Sometimes it might feel like you’re under pressure to keep winning at life, but the truth is that you’re not letting us down if you slow down. Actually, we hope you take some time to breathe, to let your work rest, to join us, fully present.
Slow So You Can Show Up
Here’s a permission slip to step away from both achievements and endeavors, and simply be you. Wonderful, truly amazing you.
No matter how the results come in, no matter how much you can juggle without slipping, no matter how loud is your inner suspicion that you’re a fraud, you are already deeply loved.
The truth is nothing you can achieve affects what you’re worth in the eyes of God. He’s not impressed by straight A’s or accolades–in school or in life. Far more valuable to Him is your undivided attention.
It’s hard to find Him when you’re in a hurry. Hurry can make our hearts callous because we get in our own way and cease relying on God. I’ve witnessed it in my own life.
When I’m stressed, I either catastrophize or make tasks more important than relationships. You probably want to stay out of my way if I’m in the kitchen, especially if there’s a tight window to get dinner ready, lunches in thermoses, or kids out of the door.
I don’t ask for help when I’m in a hurry. Too often, I decline it when I really could use a hand. And just as I accidentally make people feel small when I want to take care of everything myself, so too can my self-reliance push God away.
I give lip-service to my trust, but in my heart of hearts, I rely on myself. Ask yourself what your fall-back plan is, and you see where you reach when you need steadying: inward, outward, or upward.
It’s Okay to Be Needy
You can be surrounded by people and still feel a bit alone when you’re stubbornly self-reliant. You can also feel like God is far away when you lean on your quick-start personality or multi-tasking prowess instead of on Him.
It feels tender and vulnerable to slow down and invite God to see through you.
The insecurity you’d do about anything to keep hidden, the way you’re always on a 10 but still feel behind, your fear of rejection–leave it with Him. You don’t have to carry it anymore.
God sees through every mask you’ve ever worn. You can trust Him.
As the Psalmist notes, God has “explored [your] heart and [knows] exactly who [you are]” (Psalm 139:1, The Voice). He knows “everything [you] do in more detail] than even [you] know” (v. 3). And it’s not a let-down. You are not a disappointment. God cares deeply. Thinks about you all the time. Is always there for you.
“Although [God] is greatest of all, He is attentive to the needy” (v. 6). You have permission to be in need–
Of His comfort.
His compassion.
His grace.
His wisdom.
His provision.
His belief in you.
His strength.
His discernment.
His approval.
His embrace.
God doesn’t need you to impress Him. He doesn’t expect you to stay on top of it all. He wants you to trust Him. To open up and let Him in. Because it’s in Him where you find out who you really are so you can live from the overflow of what God says is true of you.
How to Find Yourself Outside Your Achievements
There will be times people reject you—but He welcomes you always. There will be things you fail hard at—but you are no less valuable. There will be people who outsmart, outwork, and get ahead of you—but that’s not the race you’re running anyways. Run to God; He’s the treasure worth pursuing.
That’s how you find yourself outside of your achievements, my Enneagram 3 friend. You chase after God. You deem Him the most worthy prize.
Here are a few practical tips:
1–Include a guided journal in your morning routine. Two I love, both because they invite me to be uncomfortably honest with God, are Stuff I’d Only Tell God by Jennifer Dukes Lee and Sacred Prayer by Ann Voskamp.
2–Give a family member or friend permission to call you out when your attention is pulled disproportionately to tasks. It’s hard to recognize the imbalance when we’re focused on a deadline or the excellence of our work. A timely, gentle reminder can keep our hearts tender towards God and our eyes open to the people in front of us.
3–Start the day with gratitude. Keeping a gratitude list turns your attention away from yourself and towards where you see God in and around you. For weekly inspiration, subscribe to Begin Within: A Gratitude Series.
Pressure’s off, my friend! Achieving your goals, keeping up impressions, becoming a success–they no longer get to consume you or tell you what you’re worth. Let the wise words of King Solomon guide you:
Place your trust in the Eternal; rely on Him completely;
never depend upon your own ideas and inventions.
Give Him the credit for everything you accomplish,
and He will smooth out and straighten the road that lies ahead.
P.S. To learn more about Enneagram 3s–including what we appreciate most about you, how you can use your strengths to mirror God’s grace to your neighbors, and (for the rest of us) how we can best missionally love the Enneagram 3s we know–grab the Enneagram Neighboring Lists. Each list is available both as phone wallpaper and as a printable pdf.
One quick tip for now: Let others know the unpolished parts of your life, too.
Just a friend over here in your corner,
P.S. Prefer the audio? Subscribe to The Uncommon Normal podcast for the same weekly content!
