How to Find With-Ness When You Feel Alone

With-ness. Could there be a word that sits closer to the tender heart of God? It strikes me while praying for North Carolina, Chaing Mai, and Florida how God’s promise to join us as we gather in His name (Matthew 18:20) reveals His desire 1) to be with us and 2) for us to be together.

In the moments we feel most uneasy, most alone, He pulls us into a group embrace. I imagine a huddle with bowed heads and arms fiercely gripping each other’s shoulders. It warms my heart, but I believe it melts God’s.

God put on human skin and walked our dusty roads because He ached to be with us, and ultimately for us to always be with Him.

As Father, Son, and Spirit, God knows the purest, truest with-ness. Full transparency. Sacred intimacy. The indescribable joy of community.

For Him, it’s not abstract, but part of every breath. Every pulse. Every nanosecond.

He’s enveloped. Wholly seen. Deeply known.

Everything we long for at the core of our being, stuff it or describe it as we will. Because it’s not coincidence that we yearn for God’s very best. Not happenstance that the desire to belong and be known runs through our veins and colors our DNA.

It’s not happenstance that the desire to belong and be known runs through our veins and colors our DNA (Twyla Franz quote).

In the words of Jennie Allen,

Our God has been relational forever. It means that He created us out of relationship for relationship–and not a relationship that is surface level or self-seeking. No, the relationship He has in mind for us is . . .

sacrificial,

intimate,

moment-by-moment connection.

Find Your People

With-ness that heals the lie we’ve long carried that no one truly cares. That we’re alone and on our own.

God With Us

As I write, Milton creeps angry towards Florida’s coast. Beloved mountains lie waste from wildfires and Helene. Chaing Mai, a city that was home base for the two months I spent in Thailand as a teen, is underwater. It would seem that God’s turned a cold shoulder.

But He hasn’t. He’s shouldering every loss, every question, every prayer. It weighs on His great heart.

God weeps. And maybe through the torrent of rain and swell of rivers and surge of muddied waters, we can’t see that holy tears mix with what tears and pummels.

But He’s no less with us when we fail to notice Him. No less with us when He stands beside us through the storm instead of shielding us from it.

It’s been on my mind how God‘s with-ness is more gift than any answer or miraculous intervention. His nature never wavers, and whether He distills the storm or stands beside us in the midst of it, He is WITH us. He’s good nevertheless.

Loss and Light

Scroll through stories of loss and you’ll also find light. Nearby neighbors bringing hope to the rubble of upended lives and livelihoods. Neighbors sending help and prayer from afar—because we’re all in the breaks and glory bursts of actual life together, as a whole world of neighbors cupped in God’s gentle hands.

We say we want the calm waters of life as we’d paint it, but isn’t it turbulence and waves that thrust us together and towards God?

I’ve witnessed the way a circle is forever knit together by shared loss. How God cares for us—physically but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—through each other. How hurting with and serving each other changes us more than we imagine.

Deeper Relationships

What if Mary Demuth is onto something when she penned “We blame God for the very things that are meant to glue us to Him” in her book, Everything? When we’re acutely aware of our need, we accept help we’d otherwise dismiss—from God and other people.

Jennie Allen’s words dovetail with Mary’s, highlighting how the things we prefer to avoid forge deep friendships while simultaneously drawing us into God’s embrace. “What if the hard stuff brings the depth of friendship we are craving?” she asks.

The hard stuff tenderizes the stuffy, callous, self-protecting pieces of us that keep our relationship with God and relationships with other people shallow. In the rocky waters of crisis we find that God’s distance is an illusion. He’s been closer than ever the whole time, whispering “I am here, I am here” (Isaiah 58:9, The Voice). But He desires deeply for us to also be in community with each other–seen, known, and welcomed the way He sees, knows, and welcomes us.

God being with us requires nothing from us but to receive it. And the growth in us as we learn to embrace His steady presence, even as storms rage around us, helps us be brave enough

To serve strangers like they’re brothers and sisters
To carry light and hope to the hurting
To pray for the community we crave
To first be the type of friend we wish we had

Alli Worthington weighs in with wise, hard-won words:

Build new relationships and strengthen existing ones with people who are loyal, fearless, and wise. And if you can’t seem to locate any good candidate, then step out in faith and become the type of friend you want. One of the New Testament’s most foundational principles is that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). Sow a friendship seed and wait for the harvest of community to follow.

The Gift of With-Ness—For and From You

To you feeling alone right in this very moment, may you feel the peace and presence of Jesus as tangible as a hug. May you be held and surrounded by lighter-bearers and hope-carriers, welcomed into a group embrace with others learning, like you, to emulate Jesus.

And if your heart is burdened to help neighbors from afar, here are a few ministries I trust will use every dollar to help where it hurts most:

Samaritan’s Purse (choose hurricane relief, any other specific need, or simply where it’s most needed)
Health and Hunger Coalition (located in Boone, NC and providing hard-to-reach neighbors with food)
Within Reach Global (bringing compassion and the gospel to Chaing Mai, Thailand)

Just a friend over here in your corner,